Narcissism and manipulation often go hand in hand, and the subtlety can be quite damaging.
Narcissists have a knack for using casual phrases that can make you feel less than you are. They do it so subtly that you might not even notice, but the impact on your self-worth can be significant.
These casual phrases are tools they use to maintain control, all while disguising their true intentions.
In this article, I’ll share with you 10 phrases that a narcissist may casually drop into conversation to make you feel small. By recognizing these phrases, you can begin to protect yourself from their harmful effects.
1) You’re too sensitive
Narcissists often have a knack for turning things around, making you feel like you’re the problem.
One of their favourite phrases to use is “You’re too sensitive”. It’s a classic way of making you question your own reactions and feelings.
Essentially, they’re saying that the issue at hand isn’t their behaviour or words, but your response to them. It’s a subtle way of invalidating your feelings and experiences.
This phrase is often used to dismiss any concerns or objections you might have, making you feel like you’re overreacting or being unreasonable.
The goal here is to make you doubt yourself so that they can maintain control. Recognizing this phrase for what it really is – a manipulation tactic – can help you stand your ground and protect your self-worth.
2) I was just joking
This is a phrase I have personally encountered, and it’s a common one used by narcissists to belittle or mock others under the guise of humour.
I remember a time when a narcissistic friend made a harsh comment about my work. When I expressed my hurt feelings, their immediate response was “I was just joking”.
It was their way of shifting the blame back onto me, making it seem like I was the one with the issue for not being able to take a joke. In reality, they were using this phrase to mask their criticism and make me feel small.
The phrase “I was just joking” is often used by narcissists to escape accountability for their hurtful words or actions.
3) No one else has a problem with this
Narcissists love to isolate their victims, and one way they do this is by making you feel like you’re the only one who disagrees with them or has an issue. The phrase “No one else has a problem with this” is designed to make you feel alone in your feelings or opinions.
Here’s something that might surprise you: a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people tend to overestimate the extent to which their behaviors, attitudes, and opinions are shared by others. This phenomenon, known as the “false consensus effect”, can be leveraged by narcissists to make you doubt your own perspectives.
By implying that everyone else agrees with them, a narcissist can manipulate you into believing that you’re the odd one out, pushing you to question your judgement.
4) You’re remembering it wrong
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and one common tactic they use is gaslighting. The phrase “You’re remembering it wrong” is a classic example of this.
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation technique where the narcissist tries to make you question your own memory, perception, or sanity. The goal is to make you feel unsure of yourself, so they can control the narrative and maintain their power.
When a narcissist says “You’re remembering it wrong”, they’re effectively dismissing your experience or perspective and replacing it with their own. It’s a way for them to rewrite history and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
5) I never said that
Denial is a narcissist’s best friend. The phrase “I never said that” is a common one in their vocabulary.
They use this phrase to deny their hurtful comments or false promises, effectively erasing their wrongdoings from the past. This tactic is another form of gaslighting, as it’s designed to make you question your memory and doubt your sanity.
The purpose of this phrase is to evade responsibility for their actions and maintain control over you. By making you believe that you’re misremembering things, they can continue their harmful behavior without consequences.
When you hear a narcissist say “I never said that”, know that it’s a manipulation tactic aimed at making you doubt yourself.
6) You always…
This phrase is a personal heartache for many who’ve dealt with narcissists. The phrase “You always…” is often used to generalize your actions and paint you in a negative light.
The use of the word ‘always’ is a sweeping statement, usually followed by a negative trait or action. It’s intended to make you feel guilty or flawed, as if you’re constantly making mistakes.
This phrase can be especially damaging because it doesn’t address a specific behavior or incident, but rather attacks your character as a whole. It’s an attempt to instill a sense of self-doubt and insecurity within you.
Understanding this phrase for what it is – a tactic to control and belittle – can help you separate your worth from their words.
7) If you really loved me…
This is a phrase that carries a lot of weight. “If you really loved me…” is a manipulative tool narcissists use to guilt-trip you into doing what they want.
It’s a phrase I’ve heard far too often. It’s emotionally manipulative and can make you feel obligated to meet their demands, even if it goes against your own values or needs.
The hidden message here is that your love for them is conditional based on your actions. It pressures you into proving your love by complying with their wishes, which can lead to one-sided sacrifices and a lack of boundaries.
Genuine love doesn’t require proof through compliance. Recognizing this phrase for what it is can help you set boundaries and maintain your self-respect in the face of manipulation.
8) You owe me
Narcissists have a unique way of keeping score. The phrase “You owe me” is a prime example of this.
On the surface, it might seem like they’re simply reminding you of a favour they’ve done. But in reality, this phrase is an attempt to create a sense of obligation and guilt.
The underlying message is that you’re in debt to them, and it’s your duty to repay. This can lead you to feel obligated to meet their demands, even when it’s not in your best interest.
Kindness and favours should not come with strings attached. You don’t owe anyone your happiness or peace of mind.
9) You don’t understand
Narcissists often use the phrase “You don’t understand” to dismiss your thoughts, feelings, or opinions.
This phrase is a clear attempt to undermine your perspective and make you feel inadequate. The underlying message is that you’re not smart or experienced enough to comprehend their point of view.
By asserting that you’re incapable of understanding, they can maintain control and avoid having to justify or explain their actions.
When you hear a narcissist say “You don’t understand”, remember that it’s not a reflection of your intelligence or capabilities. Trust your instincts and don’t let them belittle your understanding.
10) I’m the only one who really cares about you
This phrase is the epitome of narcissistic manipulation. “I’m the only one who really cares about you” is designed to isolate you from others and make you dependent on them.
The statement is a powerful one because it preys on your insecurities and fears of being alone. By convincing you that they’re your only source of love and support, they can maintain control and keep you under their influence.
Never forget that you are deserving of love and respect from many, not just one person. Recognize this phrase for the manipulation tactic it is, and remember that there are people in your life who genuinely care for your well-being without any strings attached.
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