10 signs someone is actually not a good person, according to psychology

We often like to believe the best in people, but sometimes, that’s just not the case. Not everyone is as good-hearted as they may appear.

Psychology has given us some pretty clear indicators of when someone might not be the best person to have around. It comes down to behaviors and actions – the proof is in the pudding, as they say.

Here are 10 signs someone isn’t as good of a person as you might think.

Let’s get started.

1) They consistently break promises

Psychology tells us that our actions speak louder than our words. And when someone is always promising the world but rarely delivering, it’s a clear sign they might not be a good person.

People who frequently break promises show a lack of respect for others’ time and feelings. It’s a pattern that indicates they are unreliable and don’t value commitment.

Promises are about trust, and if someone can’t keep their promises, it’s difficult to trust them.

If you find yourself constantly let down by someone’s broken promises, it might be time to reassess their place in your life. After all, you deserve to be surrounded by people who value their commitments and respect your time.

2) They lack empathy

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a crucial trait of a good person. However, some individuals just don’t seem to have it.

I remember having a friend who would never share in my joys or sorrows. When I was going through a tough breakup, instead of offering comfort or understanding, she seemed disconnected, almost uninterested. Even when I landed my dream job and was over the moon with excitement, she barely acknowledged it.

This lack of empathy made me feel unseen and unimportant. It was clear that she was more focused on herself than on anyone else’s feelings.

Psychology suggests that an absence of empathy is a strong indicator that someone may not be as good-hearted as you might hope.

3) They are always playing the victim

Life can be tough, and we all face challenges. But there’s a difference between acknowledging difficulties and always playing the victim.

People who constantly portray themselves as victims tend to blame others for their problems, rather than taking responsibility for their actions. In psychology, this is known as externalizing blame.

Interestingly, research suggests that individuals who frequently externalize blame have higher levels of stress and anxiety. This is often because blaming others prevents them from learning from their mistakes and moving forward.

If you notice someone always pointing the finger at others, it could be a sign they’re not as good of a person as they might seem. It’s essential to surround ourselves with people who are willing to take responsibility and learn from their mistakes.

4) They constantly belittle others

A good person lifts others up, not brings them down. However, some individuals seem to thrive on making others feel small.

If you’ve ever encountered someone who continuously belittles others, either through insulting comments, sarcastic remarks or outright ridicule, you know how damaging it can be. They strip away at a person’s self-esteem and can make them feel worthless.

According to psychology, those who belittle others often do so to feel superior or to hide their insecurities. This behavior is not only damaging to those on the receiving end but also a clear sign of a person’s lack of emotional maturity.

A truly good person will build others up, not tear them down.

5) They’re excessively envious

A little bit of envy can be a motivator. It can push us to work harder, achieve more, and strive to better ourselves. But when envy is taken to the extreme, it becomes destructive.

Someone who’s overly envious often struggles to celebrate the accomplishments of others. Instead, they may react with resentment, bitterness, or even attempt to sabotage others’ success.

Excessive envy can stem from deep-seated insecurities or feelings of inadequacy. It’s a trait that can poison relationships and create a toxic atmosphere.

It’s important to surround ourselves with people who can celebrate our victories and uplift us, not bring us down.

6) They’re dishonest

Honesty is the foundation of any healthy relationship, be it personal or professional. But when someone is frequently dishonest, it erodes trust and creates a breeding ground for insecurity and doubt.

Imagine a friend who constantly lies, even about small things. It leaves you questioning their every word, wondering what’s true and what’s not. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

Psychology suggests that chronic lying can be a sign of more significant issues, such as a lack of respect for others or even certain personality disorders.

We all deserve truth and transparency in our relationships. If you find that someone in your life is persistently dishonest, it might be a sign that they’re not the good person you believed them to be. Honesty may be a difficult virtue to uphold at times, but it’s essential for maintaining respect and trust in our relationships.

7) They take more than they give

Relationships are about give and take. But when the scales are always tipped to one side, it’s a clear sign of imbalance.

I used to know someone who would only reach out when they needed something. Whether it was a favor, advice, or support, they were always on the receiving end. But when I needed them, they were nowhere to be found.

This one-sided dynamic made me feel used and undervalued. It was clear that our relationship was more about their needs than a mutual exchange of support.

If you find that someone in your life is always taking and rarely giving, it might be time to reconsider their place in your life.

8) They’re overly charming

Charm can be disarming. It can make us feel special, seen, and appreciated. But sometimes, excessive charm can be a smokescreen for more sinister traits.

Those who turn on the charm to an extreme level may be trying to manipulate others into thinking highly of them. This can mask their true intentions or hide their less appealing qualities.

Psychology suggests that overly charming individuals often exhibit traits of narcissism or sociopathy. They use their charm to win people over, only to exploit them later.

A truly good person doesn’t need to put on a show; their actions speak for themselves.

9) They never apologize

We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. But when someone can’t admit their wrongdoings and never apologizes, it’s a clear sign of a deeper issue.

An apology shows remorse and the willingness to make amends. It demonstrates that a person values the relationship more than their ego. But when someone refuses to say sorry, it shows a lack of empathy and an inability to take responsibility for their actions.

If you’re dealing with someone who can’t say sorry, it might be time to question their place in your life. Everyone deserves to be around people who can admit when they’re wrong and take steps to make things right.

10) They lack respect for boundaries

Respecting others’ boundaries is a fundamental aspect of being a good person. It shows that we value and acknowledge others’ feelings, needs, and personal space.

A person who consistently dismisses or oversteps your boundaries, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally, is showing a clear disregard for your wellbeing. It can be a form of control or a sign of a lack of empathy.

Psychology tells us that this behavior is often seen in individuals with manipulative tendencies or certain personality disorders. It’s a serious red flag that should not be ignored.

We all have the right to set and maintain our boundaries. If someone in your life consistently fails to respect these, it’s a strong indication that they’re not the good person they may appear to be.

A final thought

One key thing to remember is that people can change. While these signs may point towards someone not being a good person, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re doomed to remain that way.

Psychological studies suggest that with self-awareness, effort, and in some cases professional help, individuals can alter harmful patterns of behavior and develop healthier ways of interacting with others.

However, it’s also crucial to note that you are not responsible for someone else’s growth. Protecting your mental and emotional health should be your priority.