7 common misconceptions Christians have about gender roles in marriage

Submission means the wife has no voice.

The husband must always lead.

Gender roles in marriage are rigid and unchanging.

These are just a few of the common ideas many Christians believe about marriage — but they don’t fully reflect what the Bible teaches.

God’s design for marriage isn’t about outdated stereotypes or power struggles. Instead, it’s a beautiful partnership built on love, mutual respect, and teamwork.

Yet, misconceptions about gender roles often cloud the picture, leaving couples unsure of how to honor God in their relationship.

In this article, we’ll uncover 7 common misconceptions Christians have about gender roles in marriage and explore the biblical truths that bring clarity and balance.

1. Leadership is exclusively a man’s role

A widespread misconception is that the Bible assigns the role of a leader solely to men within the context of marriage.

This notion often stems from literal interpretations of certain biblical passages, particularly Ephesians 5:23, which refers to the husband as the “head” of the wife.

However, a closer examination of the original Greek text reveals that the term “head” (kephale) can also be interpreted as “source” or “origin,” not necessarily implying authority or leadership.

The apostle Paul, author of Ephesians, uses the same term to describe Christ as the “head” of the church, symbolizing unity and mutual dependence.

Moreover, it’s important to note that Christian egalitarianism emphasizes mutual submission between spouses (Ephesians 5:21).

The Bible encourages both partners to lead and serve one another in love and respect. This, in turn, reflects the relationship between Christ and the church.

Thus, leadership in Christian marriage is not gender-specific but shared.

2. Submissiveness is a woman’s duty

Another misconception often encountered is the belief that women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands in all aspects of life.

This idea is based on a literal interpretation of Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

But guess what?

This view can result in an imbalance of power and control within a marriage.

Context is key to understanding this directive. It’s worth mentioning that the verse preceding this instruction (Ephesians 5:21) calls for mutual submission—”submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

The Greek word for submission, “hypotasso,” used here does not imply servility but rather a voluntary yielding in love.

It’s crucial to understand that the Bible does not promote a one-sided submissiveness. Instead, it encourages a mutual submission based on love and respect.

Just as how Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it, husbands are called to do the same for their wives (Ephesians 5:25).

Likewise, wives are encouraged to respect and love their husbands, forming a partnership of equals.

3. Women are destined for homemaking and child-rearing

In many Christian circles, it’s frequently assumed that women are solely responsible for managing the household and raising children.

But again, it’s a misconception based more on cultural norms than biblical teachings.

Indeed, the Proverbs 31 woman—a biblical role model often cited by Christians—was not only a homemaker but also a businesswoman, who bought a field and planted a vineyard (Proverbs 31:16).

She also made and sold linen garments (Proverbs 31:24), indicating that she was actively involved in activities beyond traditional homemaking.

Furthermore, while the Bible does mention women taking care of their homes (Titus 2:5), it doesn’t exclude men from sharing in these responsibilities.

The important takeaway here is that both partners should work together in managing their home and raising their children.

The division of tasks should be based on individual skills, preferences, and agreements rather than being predetermined by gender. 

4. Women should not seek to have a voice

This one really hits close to home for me.

In my early years attending church, I often felt stifled. I was surrounded by a culture that seemed to discourage women from expressing their thoughts or sharing their insights.

And this, I later discovered, was a misunderstanding. The Bible never intends to mute women.

On the contrary, there are countless instances where women in the Bible were celebrated for their wisdom and leadership.

Think of Deborah, a judge of Israel, or Priscilla, who played a significant role in the early church.

I realized later that it wasn’t the Bible silencing me — it was people’s misinterpretation of it.

When I finally understood this, my faith grew stronger. It wasn’t about being quiet; it was about finding my voice and using it to glorify God.

If you’ve ever been told that as a woman, you should stay silent, it’s time to rethink that notion.

5. Men aren’t meant to express emotions

Have you ever wondered why men are often perceived as emotionally stoic within Christian marriages?

A common misconception is that Christian men should maintain emotional detachment, often based on misinterpretation of biblical characters like King David or Job, who exhibited strong resilience in the face of adversity.

However, this view disregards the fact that these biblical figures also expressed deep emotions, including grief, fear, and joy.

Here’s the truth:

The Bible does not endorse emotional suppression for either gender.

Jesus himself openly expressed a range of emotions, including compassion, anger, sorrow, and love.

Therefore, emotional honesty and openness should be encouraged in Christian marriages. That’s the only thing that can lead to deeper understanding and connection between partners.

Insight: The shortest verse in the Bible, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35), is a powerful proof of the emotional depth of Christ. This directly breaks the stereotype of masculine emotional stoicism.

5. Spiritual leadership is the man’s responsibility

This thought often arises from the belief that men are called to be the head of the family.

While it’s true the Bible mentions that husbands are to lead their families, it’s essential to understand what this leadership actually entails.

This idea often stems from traditional interpretations of verses like 1 Timothy 2:12, which, without proper context, seem to suggest that women should not teach or exercise authority over men.

But you know what?

The concept of leadership within Christianity is not about dominating or ruling over others. Instead, it’s about serving, loving, and caring for others, similar to how Christ leads the church.

As a matter of fact, the Bible is filled with examples of spiritually strong women who played pivotal roles in their communities:

• Deborah, a judge and prophetess who led Israel (Judges 4-5).
• Priscilla, who along with her husband Aquila, taught Apollos more accurately about the way of God (Acts 18:26).
• Phoebe, a deacon in the church at Cenchreae (Romans 16:1).

These examples indicate that spiritual leadership is not confined to one gender.

In a Christian marriage, both partners are called to encourage and support each other in their spiritual growth and journey with God.

True Christian leadership is about mutual submission and respect, working together in love and unity.

Think about this: The notion of spiritual leadership being exclusively male-centric is not biblically substantiated; rather, it appears to be more culturally influenced.

6. Women cannot serve in church leadership

Let’s tackle another misconception that often arises within Christian communities—the idea that women cannot serve in church leadership roles.

This belief is largely based on a few select verses, like 1 Timothy 2:12, without considering the cultural and historical context in which these verses were written.

In reality, the Bible provides numerous examples of women serving in significant roles within the early church.

Believe it or not, you can even find specific verses that support female pastors in the Bible.

Phoebe was a deaconess and Junia was an apostle (Romans 16). Priscilla was a teacher of theology (Acts 18).

What’s more, Galatians 3:28 emphasizes that “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

This verse clearly communicates that in the body of Christ, all are equal and valuable.

We must understand that the calling to serve and lead within the church is not limited by gender. It is determined by God-given gifts and calling.

7. Men should be the primary earners

Picture this – a family where the woman is the primary earner and the man manages the household.

Does this contradict Christian values?

A common misconception is that men should always be the primary earners in a Christian family. This belief often stems from traditional societal roles rather than biblical directives.

Consider Proverbs 31 again, where the woman not only takes care of her home but also engages in profitable ventures.

There’s no biblical mandate that restricts women from financial contribution or insists men to be the sole breadwinners.

In fact, 2 Thessalonians 3:10 states, “If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.”

This passage doesn’t specify gender, implying that all capable individuals—men and women—are encouraged to work.

Financial responsibilities in a Christian marriage should ideally be shared based on capabilities and circumstances, rather than dictated by gender stereotypes.

Conclusion: Are we interpreting Christian gender roles correctly?

In light of our exploration, it’s evident that the misconceptions around gender roles in Christian marriages often arise from selective interpretation of scriptures without considering their historical and cultural context.

Christian Egalitarianism emphasizes equality and mutual submission in marriage, contrary to the misconceptions we discussed.

By debunking these myths, we can foster a healthier understanding of Christian marriages — one that is based on mutual love, respect, and partnership.

It’s time for us to challenge these misconceptions and strive for relationships that mirror the love and unity between Christ and the church.

This calls for constant reflection, open dialogue, and willingness to learn and unlearn.