7 phrases only manipulative individuals use, according to psychology

Ever felt like you’re constantly being manipulated?

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a self-confessed psychology enthusiast.

For years, I’ve been fascinated with the human mind and its intricacies. I’ve spent countless hours studying, observing, and decoding the complex web of human behavior. And one pattern that has always intrigued me is manipulation.

Manipulation is a tool often employed by those who know exactly which strings to pull to make you act in a certain way. It’s subtle, it’s cunning, and it’s surprisingly common.

In this article, I’m going to share with you seven phrases that manipulative individuals use, according to psychology. These phrases might seem harmless on the surface, but they have a deeper, more insidious purpose.

Let’s dive in. 

1. “You’re just too sensitive”

This is a phrase I’ve heard far too often. On the surface, it seems like a simple observation, maybe even a well-meaning one. But in reality, it’s a classic manipulation tactic.

According to psychology, this phrase is often used to deflect criticism and make the other person question their own feelings and reactions. It’s a way of undermining your confidence and making you feel like the problem is with you, not with them.

When someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, they’re actually trying to gain control over the situation by making you doubt yourself.

I’ve experienced this first-hand and it’s incredibly disorienting. Your feelings are valid and should be respected – don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

2. “I’m sorry you feel that way”

This phrase is a masterclass in subtle manipulation. It sounds like an apology, but it’s not. I remember a time when a close friend kept using this phrase whenever we had disagreements. It took me a while to realize what was happening.

In essence, “I’m sorry you feel that way” is an attempt to shift blame rather than taking responsibility for one’s actions. It’s saying, “I’m sorry that you’re upset,” instead of, “I’m sorry for what I did.”

As renowned psychologist Dr. Carl Rogers once said: “The major barrier to mutual interpersonal communication is our very natural tendency to judge, to evaluate, to approve or disapprove the statement of the other person or the other group.”

This phrase is a perfect example of that barrier. Instead of understanding and acknowledging their role in the situation, manipulative individuals use it as an escape route to avoid admitting their mistakes.

If you encounter someone using this phrase frequently, be aware. It might be a manipulative tactic to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

3. “If you really cared about me, you would…”

This phrase hit home for me in one of my past relationships. It was wielded like a weapon, loaded with guilt and obligation.

“If you really cared about me, you would…” is a manipulation tactic designed to make you feel guilty and obligated to do something. The person using this phrase is attempting to control your actions by questioning your feelings or commitment towards them.

In my case, my partner would often say things like “If you really cared about me, you would cancel your plans and spend time with me.” I found myself constantly trying to prove my love and dedication, often at the expense of my own needs and desires.

It was a wake-up call when I realized that true love and care are not about fulfilling someone’s every demand. Healthy relationships involve respect for each other’s autonomy and individuality.

If someone is trying to use your feelings for them as leverage, take a step back. It could be a sign of manipulation, not love.

4. “Everyone thinks that…”

There’s something particularly potent about this phrase. It’s designed to make you feel isolated, to make your opinion or feelings seem invalid because they’re supposedly not shared by others.

I recall a situation at a previous workplace where a colleague would often begin their critiques with “Everyone thinks that…”. It felt like a personal attack, made worse by the fact that it was supposedly backed by the opinions of others.

If you hear “Everyone thinks that…” in a conversation, be aware that it might not be the truth. It could be an attempt to assert dominance or manipulate you into changing your stance.

Always remember, your voice matters regardless of whether it aligns with ‘everyone’ else’s or not.

5. “I don’t want to argue”

This phrase is a classic deflection tactic. It sounds reasonable, even mature, right? But in most cases, it’s not about avoiding conflict. Instead, it’s about avoiding responsibility.

I had a boss once who would use this phrase whenever he was called out on his mistakes. “I don’t want to argue,” he’d say, effectively shutting down any discussion or critique.

The problem here is that it’s not a genuine attempt to keep the peace. It’s a way of dodging accountability and silencing dissenting voices.

By doing this, manipulative individuals can control the narrative and avoid having to face up to their actions.

When someone uses this phrase to end an important discussion or deflect criticism, remember that it might not be about conflict avoidance at all. They could be trying to manipulate the situation to their advantage.

6. “I was just joking”

This is a phrase I’ve come across often. Once, a friend would consistently make hurtful comments, only to later brush it off as a joke when confronted.

“I was just joking” is a manipulative phrase used to mask hurtful or offensive behavior. It allows the individual to get away with inappropriate remarks under the guise of humor.

Famous psychologist Sigmund Freud once noted, “Jokes have been defined as the open rebellion against the despotism of reason.” This rebellion, in the context of manipulation, is often aimed at demeaning or belittling others, while keeping oneself immune from criticism.

If someone frequently makes you the butt of their ‘jokes’ and then dismisses your hurt feelings by saying they were “just joking”, be cautious. This could be a manipulative tactic designed to belittle you while avoiding any responsibility for their behavior.

7. “I’m fine”

This one might surprise you. “I’m fine” is such a common phrase, we usually don’t think twice about it. But in some cases, it’s used as a manipulation tactic.

I remember an old friend who would often respond with “I’m fine” whenever I asked him how he was, even when it was clear that he wasn’t okay. He would use this phrase as a way to evoke guilt and sympathy, making me feel like I had done something wrong.

This is a subtle form of manipulation. The person is trying to control the situation or your feelings by being vague and non-communicative.

As a countermeasure, try to communicate openly. If someone habitually says they’re “fine” when they’re clearly not, encourage them to express their feelings honestly. This can help prevent manipulation and promote healthier communication. Remember, it’s not your responsibility to read between the lines or guess what someone else is feeling.

Conclusion

Understanding the language of manipulation can be a powerful tool in maintaining healthy relationships and preserving your mental well-being. These seven phrases are just a few examples of how subtle and insidious manipulation can be.

If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Pay attention to the words used by the people around you, and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself when necessary.

Lastly, keep in mind that open, honest communication is key. Remember the old adage: “An open dialogue is the bridge to understanding.” If you suspect someone is being manipulative, address the issue openly and honestly. It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s an essential step towards healthier interactions.