7 phrases smart people use to assert boundaries (without causing offense)

There is a fine line between being assertive and being offensive.

Assertiveness involves expressing your rights, needs or feelings in a way that is respectful to others. However, crossing that line into offensiveness can damage relationships and create misunderstandings.

Smart people know how to walk this line with grace, using specific phrases to assert their boundaries without causing offense. They understand the power of language and how it can be used to convey assertiveness without aggression.

Here are seven phrases you can incorporate into your day-to-day conversations to help you stand your ground respectfully.

1) “I value our relationship…”

Communicating boundaries can be especially tricky when it involves people we care about or work closely with. This is where the power of positive language comes in.

Smart people often start by affirming the value of the relationship. This sets a positive tone and reassures the other person that the boundary being set is not a rejection of them as an individual.

For instance, saying something like, “I value our relationship and I feel it’s important to express my feelings about…” can be a respectful and assertive way to start a conversation about boundaries.

This approach emphasizes respect for both parties involved and sets the stage for a constructive dialogue. It allows you to stand your ground while also maintaining the dignity and feelings of the other person.

It’s not just about what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it. By using phrases that convey respect and consideration, you can assert your boundaries without causing offense.

2) “I need some time…”

There’s a big difference between being available and being accessible all the time. I learned this lesson the hard way.

At one point, I found myself constantly answering work calls and emails at all hours, even during my downtime. It was affecting my personal life and adding to my stress levels.

One day, I decided to assert my boundaries. I told my team, “I need some time in the evenings to unwind and recharge. Unless it’s an urgent matter, I’ll respond to after-hours messages the next business day.”

Guess what? They understood. Not only did this help me create a healthier work-life balance, but it also taught me the it’s okay to express your needs clearly and respectfully.

Smart people understand that setting personal boundaries is essential for maintaining mental health and productivity.

3) “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us…”

In any interaction, there are often multiple perspectives and interests at play. Asserting boundaries doesn’t mean ignoring the needs or feelings of the other person. On the contrary, it’s about finding a balance that respects everyone involved.

Saying something like, “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us,” is a great way to assert your boundaries while acknowledging the other person’s perspective. It conveys that you’re not just looking out for your own interests, but also considering theirs.

A cooperative approach can lead to better outcomes in conflict resolution and negotiations. It fosters mutual respect and understanding, leading to solutions that satisfy both parties more effectively.

4) “I feel…”

The way we frame our words can greatly impact how they are received. Starting your statements with “I feel” instead of “You” can make all the difference.

“I feel” statements are a classic technique in communication and conflict resolution. They allow you to express your feelings or needs without blaming or criticizing the other person.

For instance, instead of saying “You always interrupt me,” try saying “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted during conversations.” This way, you’re not attacking the other person, but simply expressing how their actions affect you.

This approach allows you to assert your boundaries in a non-confrontational way, making it more likely that the other person will be receptive to your perspective.

5) “I’m not comfortable with…”

In life, we all encounter situations that make us uncomfortable. For me, it was a friend who frequently made jokes at my expense. Though they were meant in good fun, they often left me feeling belittled and disrespected.

The turning point came when I decided to express my discomfort. I told my friend, “I’m not comfortable with the way you joke about me. I know you don’t mean any harm, but it’s something that bothers me.”

This phrase allowed me to assert my boundary without attacking my friend or making them defensive. It opened up a respectful conversation about how we could interact in a way that was more enjoyable for both of us.

It’s okay to express discomfort and set boundaries around what you’re not okay with. By doing so, you’re respecting your own feelings and needs, which is an essential part of healthy relationships.

Justin Brown makes the point below about how learning to set your boundaries can make you much happier in life in the long run.

6) “Could we try a different approach?”

Change can be tough, especially when it involves breaking away from established patterns. However, sometimes these patterns can infringe on our boundaries and cause discomfort or stress.

In such situations, suggesting a different approach can be a tactful and effective way to assert your boundaries. For instance, if a colleague constantly dumps last-minute tasks on you, you could say, “Could we try a different approach? Maybe if we could plan these tasks ahead of time, it would be less stressful for both of us.”

This phrase not only communicates your boundary but also proposes a solution that could benefit everyone involved. It’s a respectful way to push back without causing offense or damaging relationships.

Asserting boundaries isn’t about creating conflict. It’s about promoting mutual respect and understanding.

7) “No.”

Sometimes, the most powerful phrase to assert boundaries is a simple and unapologetic “No.”

“No” is a complete sentence. It doesn’t require justification, explanation, or apology. It’s a clear and direct way to communicate your boundary.

However, many of us struggle with saying “No” because we fear it will make us seem rude or uncooperative. But the truth is, saying “No” when you need to is a sign of self-respect and strength.

When you really need to assert your boundaries, don’t be afraid to use this powerful word. Your time, energy, and well-being are valuable. Protect them with the power of “No.”

Final thoughts: It’s about respect

At the heart of asserting boundaries is a fundamental concept – respect. Respect for oneself and respect for others.

Setting boundaries is not about shutting people out or being difficult. It’s about creating a space where you feel safe, comfortable, and respected. It’s about communicating your needs clearly and effectively.

The phrases we’ve discussed are simply tools to facilitate this communication. But the real power lies in the intention behind them – the intention to honor your needs and feelings while respecting those of others.

Emotions and relationships are complicated, often messy, but they’re also what make us human. And in this complex web of human interactions, setting boundaries is not just an act of self-care, but a testament to our respect for others.

In the words of psychologist and author, Henry Cloud, “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me.” So let’s embrace these boundaries, not with fear or guilt, but with confidence and respect.