The words we choose carry weight, especially during sensitive conversations about faith. It is important to be mindful of this when speaking with a friend who is losing their faith.
But unfortunately, sometimes a conversation with a friend who’s losing their faith can feel like walking on eggshells.
It’s a delicate balance between showing empathy and inadvertently causing more harm, right?
Well, believe it or not, there are certain phrases that can cause more damage than good. And the first step in being a supportive friend is knowing what not to say.
Let me discuss 7 phrases you might want to avoid when speaking with a friend who’s wrestling with their faith:
1. “Just pray about it”
This phrase is often used with good intentions, aiming to encourage a connection to God through prayer.
However, when speaking with a friend who’s wrestling with their faith, it can inadvertently trivialize their struggle.
Your friend may already have spent hours in prayer, grappling with their doubts and fears. Telling them to simply “pray about it” can imply that their struggles are due to a lack of prayer, which can be dismissive and hurtful.
Instead, consider expressing your willingness to pray with them or for them. This shows empathy and offers comfort without minimizing their experience.
Offering to sit in silence together or share a moment of reflection can be powerful gestures of support during their spiritual journey.
The key is to listen more than you speak, providing space for them to express their feelings without judgment or quick solutions.
2. “You just need to have more faith”
This phrase can be quite damaging. It insinuates that the person’s faith crisis is a result of personal failure or lack of effort.
Faith is not a commodity to be measured or compared. It’s deeply personal and varied among individuals. Someone losing their faith may already feel like they’re failing or not trying hard enough.
Hearing this phrase can compound those feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
Instead of implying that their struggles are due to a lack of faith, try expressing your understanding and empathy.
Phrases like “This must be really tough for you” or “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you” can convey your support without making them feel judged.
Remember, it’s about extending grace and demonstrating love, rather than prescribing a perceived solution.
3. “God never gives us more than we can handle”
At first glance, this phrase seems comforting.
I mean, the idea that God won’t overwhelm us beyond our capacity to cope can provide a sense of security.
However, when a friend is struggling with their faith, it might not be the encouragement you’d hope for.
This phrase can inadvertently suggest that they should be able to handle their crisis of faith without feeling overwhelmed. If they are feeling overwhelmed, it can lead to feelings of guilt or inadequacy.
They might think, “If God isn’t giving me more than I can handle, why am I struggling so much?”
Instead of using this phrase, consider acknowledging the difficulty of their situation and affirming their feelings.
For instance, you could say, “I can see that you’re really struggling and that’s okay. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed during times like these.” This validates their feelings without placing any additional burden on them.
In the end, it’s about extending empathy and understanding during their challenging spiritual journey.
4. “This is just a test from God”
Is it helpful to tell someone who is losing their faith that this is just a test from God?
While this phrase might be intended to provide a larger perspective, it can come across as dismissive. It might seem as if their intense spiritual struggle is being reduced to a mere test or trial.
This can be particularly hurtful if they’re already feeling isolated in their struggle.
Instead, opt for phrases that show empathy and understanding.
You could say, “I can’t fully understand your struggle, but I’m here for you.” This conveys that you recognize their pain while offering your support.
Insight: Empathy often communicates love and support more effectively than advice does.
5. “Maybe you’re not trying hard enough”
This phrase is a definite no-no. It can imply that their faith crisis is due to a lack of effort, which can exacerbate feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
In reality, they might already be trying their best to navigate their spiritual struggle. Telling them they’re not trying hard enough could push them further into their doubts and confusion.
Instead, consider phrases that:
- Validate their feelings
- Offer comfort
- Show non-judgmental understanding
For example:
- “I’m really sorry you’re going through this.”
- “It’s okay to have doubts.”
- “You’re not alone in this.”
Words that affirm their experience and offer support can be far more helpful than quick-fix advice or judgment. Ultimately, it’s about empathy and patience in the face of someone else’s spiritual journey.
6. “God has a plan for you”
We often use this phrase to provide comfort in times of uncertainty. However, during a faith crisis, it may not have the soothing effect we intend.
When someone is wrestling with their faith, hearing “God has a plan for you” might feel dismissive of their current pain and confusion. It might seem as though their present struggle is being overlooked in favor of an ambiguous future promise.
Instead, we should strive to meet them where they are, acknowledging their pain and struggle.
A simple “I’m here for you” can be much more comforting.
Remember, it’s not about having all the answers or providing solutions. It’s about being a supportive presence during a difficult time in their spiritual journey.
7. “You’re just going through a phase”
Imagine, if you will, going through a crisis of faith, only to be told that what you’re experiencing is just a phase. This phrase can make a person feel belittled and misunderstood.
Faith crises are deeply personal and often complex. Dismissing them as a mere phase can invalidate the person’s experience and feelings.
It subtly implies that their doubts and questions aren’t serious or worth of attention.
Instead, it’s important to validate their feelings and experiences. Phrases like “I see how difficult this is for you” or “Your feelings matter” can go a long way in providing comfort and support.
The journey of faith is unique for each person.
It’s full of ups and downs, questions and discoveries, doubts and reaffirmations. It’s crucial to be patient, empathetic, and respectful in our responses when someone is navigating this challenging terrain.
How can we support friends in their faith struggle?
Supporting a friend through a faith crisis requires sensitivity, patience, and empathy. It’s not about fixing their doubts or providing answers, but about being present and offering understanding.
The phrases we’ve discussed to avoid are just a starting point. The real challenge lies in creating an environment where your friend feels safe to voice their doubts, ask questions, and explore their faith without fear of judgment or rejection.
Consider these approaches:
- Affirm their feelings and experiences
- Listen more than you speak
- Offer to pray with them or for them
In the end, it’s about demonstrating love and understanding. Just as our faith journeys are unique and personal, so too should be our approach when supporting a friend struggling with theirs.
What would Jesus say?
Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?
Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.
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