7 things you should always keep secret from your spouse, according to psychology

Trust and transparency are the pillars of a healthy relationship, but does that mean you should share everything with your spouse? Not necessarily, according to psychology.

There’s a difference between hiding something from your partner and choosing not to share certain things. While hiding implies deceit, choosing not to share is about maintaining your personal boundaries.

Psychology suggests there are some things that you’re better off keeping to yourself for the sake of a harmonious relationship.

Stay with me as we delve into the “7 things you should always keep secret from your spouse, according to psychology”. We’re not advocating for secrets and lies, but rather, for a balanced communication approach in marriage.

1) Personal grievances from the past

Dredging up grievances from the past is a common pitfall in relationships. Psychology suggests it’s better to keep these personal grudges to yourself.

Often, we hold onto past hurts and disappointments, even from previous relationships. Sharing these with your spouse might seem like a way to be honest and open, but it can actually create unnecessary tension.

Think about it. Is it really fair to burden your partner with the emotional baggage from your past? Does it serve any constructive purpose?

When faced with this decision, remember that your past is your past. It’s not something your spouse can change or fix.

So, instead of bringing up old wounds, focus on the present and how you can work together to build a better future.

But remember, this isn’t about hiding truths or lying, it’s about creating a positive and healthy environment in your relationship.

2) Your personal self-improvement goals

When it comes to self-improvement, it’s often more beneficial to keep your goals to yourself.

I remember when I decided to start a fitness journey. I was so excited, I shared my goals with everyone, including my spouse. And while he was supportive, I also felt an added pressure to meet those goals for him too.

The problem? When I slipped up or didn’t meet my targets, I felt not just personal disappointment, but also a sense of letting him down. What was meant to be a personal journey became entwined with our relationship dynamic.

Psychology suggests that keeping personal growth goals to oneself can actually lead to more success. It allows for personal accountability and helps eliminate the pressure of external expectations.

So next time you set a goal for yourself, consider keeping it under wraps. It’s not about hiding things from your spouse, but about creating a space for individual growth within your relationship.

3) Negative thoughts about your spouse’s loved ones

We all have moments where we find it difficult to see eye-to-eye with our spouse’s family or friends. Whether it’s a difference in opinions, lifestyles or simply a clash of personalities, it’s quite common.

However, voicing these negative thoughts about your spouse’s loved ones can be detrimental to your relationship.

Psychologists have found that criticism of a partner’s family or friends can often lead to conflict and resentment. It puts your spouse in a tough position – torn between their love for you and their loyalty towards their loved ones.

Of course, if there are serious concerns, they should be addressed. But trivial dislikes or annoyances are better left unsaid. It’s about maintaining harmony in the relationship while respecting the existing bonds your spouse has with their loved ones.

4) Your occasional innocent crushes

We’re all human, and it’s completely natural to occasionally notice someone attractive or have a fleeting crush, even when we’re in a committed relationship. But is it necessary to share this with your spouse?

According to psychology, it’s better not to. These innocent crushes are usually temporary and harmless, and sharing them can cause unnecessary jealousy or insecurity in your spouse.

Remember, having an innocent crush doesn’t mean you’re unfaithful or that you love your partner any less. It’s just a part of human nature.

But if it’s causing you guilt or distress, consider talking it over with a trusted friend or a professional counselor, rather than burdening your spouse with it. It’s about preserving the trust and security in your relationship.

5) Your fear of losing them

Fears and insecurities are a part of every human experience. One that I’ve personally grappled with in my relationship is the fear of losing my spouse.

While it might seem tempting to share this fear, psychology suggests it’s not always beneficial. Constantly expressing this fear can put undue pressure on your spouse and may even create a sense of insecurity in your relationship.

Instead, it’s important to focus on building confidence in your relationship and expressing your love and commitment. This isn’t about hiding your fears, but rather channeling them into positive actions that strengthen your relationship.

Remember, it’s okay to have fears, but it’s how you handle them that matters.

6) Your financial mistakes

Money matters can be a major source of conflict in relationships. If you’ve made financial mistakes in the past, like running up credit card debt or making poor investment choices, you might be tempted to share these with your spouse.

However, psychology suggests that it’s not always wise to do so. Revealing past financial mistakes can create unnecessary worry or distrust, especially if those issues have been resolved.

Instead, focus on demonstrating your current financial responsibility. Show that you’ve learned from your past and are making better choices now.

This isn’t about hiding the truth, but about avoiding the creation of stress and worry over issues that no longer exist. Remember, it’s your present actions that truly reflect who you are, not your past mistakes.

7) Details of your personal health conditions

While it’s important to share major health concerns with your spouse, some details of minor or personal health conditions are better kept private.

For instance, if you’re dealing with a temporary health issue that doesn’t affect your daily life or your relationship, sharing every little detail might only serve to worry your spouse unnecessarily.

Remember, it’s about striking a balance between openness and consideration for your partner’s feelings. Health is a personal matter, and while support is essential, unnecessary worry is not. Always consider the impact of your words before you share.

Final thoughts: It’s about balance

The complexities of human relationships often hinge on the delicate balance between sharing and withholding.

In the realm of marriage, this balance becomes even more crucial. It’s not about keeping secrets or being dishonest, but about understanding the impact of our words and actions on our spouse.

Every piece of information shared has the potential to either strengthen the bond or create unnecessary tension.

Psychology suggests that certain things, as we’ve discussed, are better kept to ourselves. But remember, it’s not about hiding or deceiving; it’s about maintaining harmony, respect, and love in your relationship.