8 habits that signal a lack of confidence and self-esteem, according to psychology

Confidence and self-esteem are key to making our way in the world. But sometimes, we unknowingly exhibit habits that scream the opposite – insecurity.

Psychology has identified several tell-tale signs of low self-esteem that we may not even realize we’re displaying.

In this article, we’ll dive into 8 habits that signal a lack of confidence and self-esteem. By recognizing these habits, we can start to address them head-on.

Let’s get started. 

1) Over-apologizing

We all know someone who says sorry far too often.

According to psychology, this can be a clear sign of low self-esteem. People with low confidence may feel the need to apologize for things that aren’t their fault or even within their control.

It’s a way of pre-empting criticism, of avoiding conflict. The logic is simple – if I apologize first, then maybe I’ll avoid the criticism I fear is coming my way.

But here’s the thing – over-apologizing can actually undermine your image and make you seem less confident.

When you’re about to say sorry, stop and think – is it really necessary? Or are you just trying to shield yourself from potential criticism?

It’s okay to stand your ground. You don’t have to apologize for existing.

2) Fear of saying “no”

Once upon a time, I used to be a serial “yes” man.

Every time someone asked me for a favor or to take on an extra task, I would always say yes, regardless of how full my plate already was. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone and somehow, I thought saying no would make me seem rude or unkind.

Psychologists point out that this fear of saying “no” is a classic sign of low self-esteem. It comes from a place of wanting to please others, often at the expense of our own mental health.

Here’s what I learned: Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means you’re looking after your own well-being. And that’s not just okay, it’s necessary.

If you find yourself constantly agreeing to things you’d rather not do, it’s time to practice the art of saying “no”. It doesn’t mean you’re selfish – it means you’re self-aware and that’s something to be proud of!

3) Negative self-talk

Did you know that the human brain is wired to remember negative experiences more than positive ones? This is known as the negativity bias and it can be particularly harmful for people with low self-esteem.

Negative self-talk is when we berate ourselves in our minds, focusing on our flaws and failures rather than our successes and strengths.

It’s like having a bully in your head, constantly putting you down. This self-inflicted mental abuse can severely impact our confidence levels.

The key is to become aware of this negative chatter and challenge it with positive affirmations. Every time you catch yourself thinking negatively, replace it with a positive thought. It may take time, but eventually, you’ll start to see yourself in a more positive light.

4) Avoiding eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. When we maintain eye contact with others, it signals that we are confident, engaged, and trustworthy.

However, individuals with low self-esteem often avoid eye contact. They may look down, away or anywhere else but into the other person’s eyes. This can be because they feel uncomfortable, unworthy, or fear being judged.

Avoiding eye contact can also make it seem like you’re not interested in what the other person has to say, even when that’s not the case.

If you find yourself struggling with this, try practicing making and holding eye contact in non-threatening situations, like during a casual conversation with a friend. Over time, it will start to feel more natural and comfortable.

5) Constantly seeking validation

It’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted. But when this desire turns into a constant need for approval and validation from others, it can signal a lack of self-esteem.

People with low confidence often rely on others to make them feel good about themselves. They seek compliments, affirmation, and reassurance to validate their worth.

But here’s a heartfelt truth: Your worth is not determined by what others think of you. It comes from within.

Let’s repeat that: Your worth comes from within.

You don’t need anyone else to tell you that you’re good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough. You are enough, just as you are. And learning to believe that about yourself is a crucial step towards building your self-esteem.

6) Shying away from risk

A while back, I was offered a promotion at work. It was a great opportunity with added responsibilities and a chance to grow professionally. But instead of feeling excited, I felt terrified. I turned it down, convinced that I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Looking back, that was my low self-esteem talking.

People with low confidence often shy away from risks or new opportunities due to a fear of failure. They prefer to stick to their comfort zone, believing they’re not capable of handling the challenges that come with stepping outside of it.

But growth happens outside of our comfort zones. And sometimes, we need to take risks to realize our full potential. It’s okay to feel scared or uncertain – it just means you’re pushing your boundaries and that’s something to be celebrated.

7) Difficulty accepting compliments

Imagine this: Someone compliments your outfit, and instead of saying thank you, you brush it off and start criticizing the very thing they just praised. Sounds familiar?

People with low self-esteem often have a hard time accepting compliments. They might downplay their achievements, dismiss kind words, or turn the compliment into a self-deprecating joke.

This stems from a belief that they are not worthy of praise or that the person complimenting them is just being nice.

However, denying compliments can signal low confidence and also deny others the joy of giving praise. 

8) Conformity over individuality

The most important habit to recognize is conformity over individuality. This is when you suppress your true self and conform to what you think others expect of you, due to a fear of rejection or judgment.

But here’s the thing: You are unique. And that’s your biggest strength. Don’t hide your individuality; celebrate it.

People are drawn to authenticity. So dare to be yourself, embrace your quirks, and let your true personality shine. That’s the key to real confidence and self-esteem.

Final thoughts

One of the most profound psychologists of our time, Carl Rogers, once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

This paradox encapsulates the journey to self-confidence beautifully. Acceptance is the first step. Recognize these habits, understand them, let them be without judgment. Only then can you begin to replace them with behaviors that foster confidence and self-esteem.

Remember, it’s not about striving for perfection or seeking validation from others. It’s about embracing who you are, celebrating your individuality, and learning to value yourself.