8 lessons 99 percent of women learn a bit too late in life, according to psychology

Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons, doesn’t it? And more often than not, we tend to learn them a bit too late. Especially us women.

I’m Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert. I’ve spent most of my life studying, observing and understanding the complexities of human behaviour.

According to psychology, there are eight specific lessons that nearly all women learn later in life than we should. I’ve lived through them, and chances are, you have too.

In this article, I’ll spell out these eye-opening truths that most of us women only come to realize with time and experience. So lean in, ladies.

Let’s explore these lessons together.

1) Embracing oneself

It’s a recurring theme in psychology and life in general – the importance of self-acceptance. Yet, most women learn this essential lesson later than they should.

Isn’t it funny how we often strive to fit into society’s mold, suppressing our true selves in the process? We guilt ourselves over every perceived flaw, every deviation from the norm, forgetting that our uniqueness is our strength.

The truth is, dear readers, each of us is an original masterpiece. We’re not meant to be clones of each other. Our individuality should be celebrated and loved, not hidden away.

Sadly, it takes most women a large part of their lives to realize this. We learn to truly embrace ourselves – our quirks, our bodies, our passions – much later than we should.

But here’s a gentle reminder: you are enough, just as you are. The sooner you accept that and let your true self shine through, the happier and more fulfilled you’ll be.

2) The power of saying “No”

What’s one word that most of us women struggle with? No prizes for guessing, it’s “No.”

Throughout my life, I’ve seen this pattern time and again. We’re so often taught to be nurturing, accommodating, and selfless to a fault. But the power of saying “No” is a lesson we learn far too late.

I remember countless times when I stretched myself too thin just because I couldn’t say “No”. Overcommitting at work, going above and beyond for friends, always being the one to compromise in relationships… sound familiar?

Believe me, it’s not selfish or rude to prioritize your needs sometimes. In fact, it’s essential for your mental health and well-being.

3) The trap of codependency

Ah, codependency. It’s a tricky beast, isn’t it? This is one lesson I wish I had learned earlier in life.

The thing about codependency is that it often masquerades as love. You think you’re just being supportive, but in reality, you’re losing yourself in the process.

As many of you know, I’ve written extensively about this topic in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. This book was born out of personal experience and years of research. I wanted to help women break free from unhealthy relationship patterns and reclaim their independence.

Too many women learn about codependency when they’ve already fallen into its trap. They realize too late that their happiness and self-worth have become tied to someone else.

It’s okay to be there for others, but not at the cost of losing yourself. 

4) Perfection is overrated

Now, this might sound counterintuitive, especially in a world that constantly pushes us to strive for perfection. But ladies, perfection is truly overrated.

We’re often led to believe that we need to have perfect bodies, perfect careers, perfect relationships, and perfect lives. We push ourselves to the brink of exhaustion trying to live up to these unrealistic standards.

But here’s the truth I learned the hard way: there’s no such thing as perfect. The pursuit of perfection is a never-ending, draining cycle that leaves you feeling inadequate and unhappy.

Life is beautifully imperfect. It’s the flaws, the mistakes, and the unexpected twists and turns that give it character. It’s okay to strive for improvement, but let’s not get lost in the illusion of perfection.

Embrace the messiness. Cherish your imperfections. They make you human, they make you real, and they make you, you.

In the end, it’s not about being perfect; it’s about being authentically you. That is where true beauty lies.

5) The importance of self-care

I must confess, this is a lesson I learned later than I care to admit. For years, I put everyone and everything ahead of my own needs.

Women, more often than not, are natural caregivers. We tend to look after everyone around us before we think of ourselves. But what about our own well-being?

The importance of self-care is a lesson that many of us learn much later in life. We push ourselves to the limit, neglecting our physical and emotional health until the strain becomes too much to ignore.

I learned this the hard way when years of neglecting my personal needs led to a health scare. It was a wake-up call for me to start prioritizing my health and well-being.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. Whether it’s taking a moment to meditate, going for a walk, reading a book, or simply taking a nap – make time for yourself. It’s not just about pampering yourself; it’s about maintaining your physical health and mental sanity.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first, so you can take care of others better.

6) The inevitability of change

This is the raw, unvarnished truth: change is inevitable. It’s the only constant in life.

For a long time, I resisted change. I held onto things, people, and situations that were comfortable and familiar. But life has a way of pushing you out of your comfort zone.

The lesson that we often learn too late is that life is in constant flux. Relationships change, people leave, new opportunities arise, and what worked for us yesterday may not work today.

Accepting change can be scary and uncomfortable. We often cling to what’s familiar, even if it’s not good for us. But resisting change only leads to stagnation.

Here’s my honest advice: Embrace change. Don’t fear it. It’s through change that we grow and evolve. Remember, a caterpillar must endure a season of isolation and massive transformation to eventually spread its wings as a butterfly.

In the grand scheme of life, every end is a new beginning. And sometimes, what feels like a devastating loss can lead to the most miraculous gains.

7) The value of failure

Let me share something with you: I’ve failed. Not just once, but many times. And you know what? I’m grateful for each of those failures.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Grateful for failure? Seriously?” But hear me out.

The value of failure is a lesson that many of us learn a bit too late in life. We’re brought up to fear failure, to avoid it at all costs. But failure, dear readers, is not the end of the world. In fact, it can be the beginning of a new one.

Each failure is an opportunity to learn, grow and come back stronger. It’s through my own failures that I learned resilience, determination, and the true meaning of success.

To quote the brilliant J.K. Rowling, “It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”

Don’t fear failure. Embrace it. Learn from it. Let it be your teacher, not your tormentor. Remember, in the grand story of your life, failure is just a plot twist, not the end.

8) The truth about happiness

Here’s the raw, unfiltered truth: Happiness is not a destination. It’s not something you arrive at after ticking off certain boxes like a successful career, a loving partner, or a certain amount of money in the bank.

This is a lesson most of us learn too late. We spend our lives chasing after things we think will make us happy, only to find that when we finally get them, the happiness they bring is fleeting.

Happiness is not an external condition; it’s an internal state of being. It’s finding joy in the little moments, cultivating gratitude for what we have, and learning to be present in the here and now.

I spent a good part of my life chasing after “happiness” only to realize that it was within me all along. I just needed to pause, look within and appreciate the journey.

Final Thoughts

Life is a journey of learning, growing and evolving. And sometimes, the most important lessons are the ones we learn a bit too late. But remember, it’s never too late to make changes and embrace these truths.

These are the lessons that have shaped me into who I am today. They’ve guided my work, my relationships, and my approach to life. I hope that by sharing them, I can help you navigate your own journey with a bit more wisdom and grace.

And for those who are grappling with codependency in their relationships, I encourage you to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a labor of love, packed with insights and strategies to help you reclaim your independence and nurture healthier relationships.

Life is not about getting it right all the time. It’s about growing, learning, and becoming the best version of ourselves.