Navigating relationships with controlling people can be a real challenge. Often, they use manipulation to get their way, which can leave you feeling powerless. But what if I told you there’s a more peaceful way to deal with this?
The teachings of Jesus can provide us with profound insights on managing such relationships. His messages of love, understanding and forgiveness can guide us in dealing with controlling individuals.
In this article, I’m going to share with you 8 ways these teachings can help you manage controlling people – not by manipulating them, but by fostering respect, empathy and mutual understanding. Let’s dive in!
1) Turning the other cheek
One of the most well-known teachings of Jesus is the admonition to “turn the other cheek.” This basically means not returning hurt for hurt, or in other words, not engaging in the same negative behaviour as the person who is being controlling or manipulative.
When faced with a controlling person, it can be tempting to react with anger or frustration. But that’s exactly what they’re expecting. Instead, responding with calmness and kindness can often disarm them.
Remember, this isn’t about letting them walk all over you. It’s about choosing a response that promotes peace and understanding, rather than escalating the situation.
This approach requires strength and patience, but it’s a powerful way to manage controlling people based on the teachings of Jesus. And, by doing so, you’ll be setting an example of how to treat others with respect and dignity.
2) Love your enemies
It’s a tough one, isn’t it? “Love your enemies,” Jesus said. I know, it sounds counterintuitive, especially when you’re dealing with someone who seems to be making your life difficult.
I remember a time when I had a boss who was incredibly controlling. Nothing I did was ever good enough and the constant criticism was wearing me down. It would have been easy to label him as my enemy and respond with bitterness.
But then I remembered Jesus’ words. Instead of meeting his negativity with more negativity, I chose to respond with compassion. I started consciously looking for the good in him, and paid attention to the pressures he was under.
This didn’t magically fix everything overnight, but it did change how I saw him and how I reacted to him. Over time, our relationship improved and he started treating me with more respect.
The teaching of Jesus to “love your enemies” is not about being a pushover. It’s about choosing love over hate, understanding over judgement, which can make a world of difference when dealing with controlling people.
3) Forgiveness is key
Jesus was an ardent advocate of forgiveness. He even went so far as to say, “forgive seventy times seven times.” That’s 490 times! This wasn’t meant to be taken literally, of course. It’s a symbolic way of saying that forgiveness should be limitless, just like God’s love for us.
When dealing with controlling people, it’s easy to hold onto grudges and past wrongs. But holding onto these negative feelings can only hurt us in the long run.
By practicing forgiveness, you’re not erasing what happened or saying it was okay. You’re simply freeing yourself from the burden of resentment and making room for more positive feelings and experiences.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes, even controlling people. Offering forgiveness not only opens up the possibility for change, but also allows you to move forward with less baggage.
4) Practice humility
Jesus was a model of humility. Despite being the Son of God, He washed the feet of His disciples, a task typically reserved for servants. This was a powerful demonstration of His belief that no one is above serving others.
Dealing with controlling people often feels like a power struggle. They want to be in charge, and they want everyone else to know it. But Jesus’ teaching reminds us that true strength lies in humility.
Instead of trying to assert your own power or control, try taking a step back. Show them that you’re willing to listen and consider their perspective. This can help deescalate tensions and show them that control isn’t the only way to get things done.
Practicing humility doesn’t mean letting others walk all over you. It means recognizing your own strengths and weaknesses, and being open to the idea that everyone has something valuable to contribute.
5) Be a good Samaritan
One of the most heartfelt teachings of Jesus is the parable of the Good Samaritan. The story tells of a man who helps a stranger in need, even though they come from different backgrounds and societies.
In life, we often encounter controlling people who can make us feel drained and disheartened. But Jesus teaches us to show compassion and kindness, even in the face of adversity.
Being a Good Samaritan means stepping outside of our comfort zone and treating others with kindness, regardless of how they treat us. It’s about showing empathy, which can be a powerful tool when dealing with controlling individuals.
This principle doesn’t just apply to strangers. It’s especially relevant when dealing with controlling people in our personal lives. By showing them compassion and understanding, we can help to break down their defenses and foster more positive interactions.
6) Seek first the kingdom of God
This teaching of Jesus has been a pillar in my life. It’s about setting our priorities straight – focusing on spiritual growth and aligning our actions with our beliefs.
I’ve had my fair share of dealing with controlling people. There were times when I felt like I was losing myself, bending too much to accommodate their demands. It was during one such difficult phase that I truly began to understand the value of seeking first the kingdom of God.
Instead of getting consumed by the situation, I started focusing on my spiritual growth. I began to reflect on my actions and decisions, asking myself, “Are these in line with my beliefs? Am I staying true to who I am?”
This shift in perspective helped me find my ground. It gave me the strength to stand up for myself, while still treating the other person with kindness and respect.
Remember, managing controlling people doesn’t mean losing your essence. By seeking first the kingdom of God, you can ensure that you’re acting in a way that is true to your beliefs and values.
7) Blessed are the peacemakers
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” This teaching emphasizes the importance of promoting peace and resolving conflicts in a gentle and respectful manner.
When dealing with controlling people, conflicts are almost inevitable. However, being a peacemaker doesn’t mean avoiding conflicts or giving in to unreasonable demands. It’s about approaching disagreements with a calm and understanding mindset.
Instead of reacting to provocations, try to diffuse the situation. Use gentle words and show empathy towards their feelings. If they’re open to it, discuss the issue and try to find a solution that respects both parties’ needs and boundaries.
Being a peacemaker also means setting an example for others. By promoting peace in your interactions with controlling people, you can inspire them to do the same.
8) Walk in the light
The teachings of Jesus encourage us to “walk in the light.” This means living with honesty, integrity, and transparency. It’s about being true to ourselves and living in a way that reflects our values.
When dealing with controlling people, it’s essential to maintain your integrity. Don’t compromise your values or principles to appease them. Stand firm in your beliefs and communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully.
Walking in the light also means treating others with kindness, fairness, and respect, even when they’re not doing the same. This can be challenging, but it’s a powerful way to influence their behavior in a positive way.
Remember, you can’t control how other people act, but you can control how you respond. And by choosing to walk in the light, you’ll be setting a powerful example of what it means to live with integrity and respect.
Final thought: The power of love
At the heart of all Jesus’ teachings is the concept of love. It’s a transformative force that can change our relationships and our interactions with others – even those who are controlling or difficult.
Jesus once proclaimed, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” This message, from John 13:34, holds a profound relevance in managing relationships with controlling individuals.
Love in this context isn’t about romantic affection or blind acceptance. It’s about showing compassion, understanding, and respect. It’s about recognizing the humanity in others, even when it’s challenging.
By choosing to respond with love and understanding, we can help to break down walls of control and manipulation. We can foster healthier dynamics and set an example for others to follow.
Remember, managing controlling people isn’t just about changing their behavior; it’s about changing how we react to them. And in doing so, we’re not only influencing them but also growing ourselves.
So as we navigate our interactions with controlling individuals, let’s strive to apply these teachings of Jesus – not as a strategy for manipulation, but as a testament to the transformative power of love.
What would Jesus say?
Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?
Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.
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