10 things you don’t realize you’re doing because you’re lonely

It’s a strange thing about loneliness. Often, we don’t even realize we’re feeling it until we start seeing its subtle signs in our behaviors.

Hey, it’s Lachlan here. I’ve spent a lot of time studying human behavior with my work at Hack Spirit, and you know what? Even the most independent of us can fall into certain patterns when loneliness creeps in.

We might not notice these signs ourselves, but they are clear indicators of our inner state. And once we know what to look for, we can begin to address the underlying issue.

In this article, I’ll be sharing 10 behaviors you might not realize you’re exhibiting because of loneliness. It’s time for some self-awareness, folks.

Let’s dive in.

1) Seeking solace in solitude

Loneliness has a way of triggering a self-preservation instinct in us. It makes us seek solitude, even when we don’t consciously realize we’re doing it.

It’s a bit like being stuck in a loop. You feel lonely, so you isolate yourself, which only intensifies the feelings of loneliness.

Mindfulness can play a crucial role in breaking this cycle. It can help us notice when we’re withdrawing and why.

Understanding these patterns is the first step towards changing them. When we become aware of our actions, we can then choose to reach out and connect with others instead of withdrawing.

It’s completely okay to enjoy your own company. But if you’re always seeking solitude because you’re feeling lonely, it might be time to reassess your actions and seek some balance.

2) Overthinking every interaction

When we’re lonely, we can often find ourselves overthinking our every interaction, dissecting each moment and mulling over what we said, how we said it, and how it was received. It’s a bit like being stuck in your own head.

I know I’ve been there. The overthinking loop can be exhausting.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a renowned Vietnamese Buddhist monk and mindfulness expert, once said, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”

This quote is a reminder that our feelings, including loneliness and the anxiety that can come with it, are transient. We can choose to anchor ourselves with conscious breathing and mindfulness practices, rather than getting swept away in overthinking.

By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to observe our thoughts without judgement and let them pass by like clouds in the sky. This awareness can help us step back from the overthinking loop and bring us back to the present moment.

3) Escaping into fantasies

Loneliness can sometimes lead us to escape into a world of fantasies. We might spend hours daydreaming about ideal friendships, relationships, or situations that are far removed from our current reality.

I’ve found myself doing this from time to time, especially when life gets a bit too overwhelming. But something I’ve learned is that while it’s okay to daydream occasionally, too much of it can take us away from living in the present moment.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I discuss how Buddhism and mindfulness can help us live more fully in the here and now.

Buddhism teaches us about the impermanence of all things, including feelings of loneliness. And mindfulness helps us observe these feelings without judgement, allowing us to understand them better and ultimately, find ways to address them.

So next time you find yourself escaping into fantasies, take a moment to ground yourself in the present. It’s okay to dream, but remember to live too.

4) Neglecting self-care

Loneliness can sometimes make us forget to take care of ourselves. We might skip meals, neglect exercise, or ignore our need for rest.

It’s important to remember that physical health and mental health are closely interconnected. Neglecting one can lead to issues with the other.

A quote I often remind myself of is one by Buddha himself: “To keep the body in good health is a duty… otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.”

Taking care of yourself isn’t just about eating well or exercising regularly. It’s also about giving yourself permission to rest, to relax, and to do things that bring you joy.

If you find yourself neglecting self-care because you’re feeling lonely, take a moment to step back and re-evaluate. Start by incorporating small acts of self-care into your daily routine. It could be as simple as taking a short walk outside, preparing a healthy meal, or taking time out to read a book.

5) Ignoring your core values

Feeling lonely can sometimes make us lose sight of our core values. We might start doing things that aren’t true to who we are, just to feel a sense of connection or acceptance.

I’ve experienced this myself. I’ve found that when I’m not living in line with my core values, I feel disconnected not just from others, but also from myself.

That’s why I believe it’s so important to take time to understand yourself and your core values. When you know what truly matters to you, you’re less likely to compromise on those values just to fit in or avoid feeling lonely.

If you’re not sure where to start, I’d recommend checking out Life Transition coach Jeanette Brown’s Defining Your Values Exercise. It’s a great tool that can help you gain clarity on your core values and guide you in living a life that aligns with them.

Staying true to yourself and your values is key to building genuine connections and reducing feelings of loneliness.

6) Constantly checking social media

When we feel lonely, we often find ourselves constantly checking social media. We scroll through feeds, looking at pictures and updates from other people’s lives, hoping to feel connected.

But this habit can actually feed into our loneliness rather than alleviate it. It can make us compare our lives to those of others, causing us to feel even more isolated.

If you find yourself in this cycle, try setting some boundaries around your social media use. Decide on specific times for checking your feeds and stick to them. You could also consider taking a short break from social media altogether.

Replacing this time with activities that promote mindfulness such as meditation, nature walks or journaling can also be beneficial. This can help you reconnect with yourself and the world around you in a more meaningful way.

Real connection often comes from being present in the moment, not from endless scrolling on a screen.

7) Overcompensating with busyness

Loneliness can sometimes make us overcompensate by keeping ourselves excessively busy. We fill our calendars with tasks, meetings, and events, just to avoid the emptiness that loneliness brings.

I’ve found myself in this cycle before. The constant busyness feels like a distraction from the loneliness, but it’s only a temporary fix.

When we constantly keep ourselves busy, we miss out on the opportunity to sit with our feelings and understand them. And understanding our feelings is the first step towards addressing them.

Mindfulness can help us break this cycle of constant busyness. By practicing mindfulness, we learn to be present in each moment, rather than always rushing to the next thing.

If you find yourself constantly on the go because you’re feeling lonely, take a moment to pause. Sit with your feelings, understand them, and then make mindful choices about how you spend your time.

8) Rejecting social invitations

When we’re feeling lonely, it can be tempting to retreat into our own world and avoid social situations. We might start declining invitations to social events, even when we have no other commitments.

This might seem counterintuitive, but it’s a common response to loneliness. It’s like a defense mechanism to protect ourselves from potential rejection or disappointment.

Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If we keep rejecting social invitations because we’re feeling lonely, we’re only perpetuating the cycle of loneliness.

When you get an invitation, consider saying yes. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, stepping out of your comfort zone could lead to new connections and experiences.

Change begins with a single step. Don’t let loneliness hold you back from experiencing life.

9) Avoiding new experiences

Loneliness can often make us avoid new experiences. We can get stuck in our comfort zones, doing the same things, visiting the same places, and sticking to the same routines.

It feels safe and predictable. But it also keeps us from growing and experiencing new things.

I’ve been there. I’ve shied away from new experiences because I was feeling lonely and didn’t want to face the unknown.

But what I’ve learned is that stepping out of my comfort zone often leads to the most growth and the most memorable experiences.

If you find yourself avoiding new experiences because you’re feeling lonely, I encourage you to take a leap of faith. Try something new. Visit a new place. Join a club or group. Start a new hobby.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Don’t let loneliness keep you from experiencing all that life has to offer.

10) Overindulging in comfort food

Loneliness can sometimes lead us to seek comfort in food. We might find ourselves reaching for sugary snacks or indulging in junk food more often.

While these foods can provide temporary comfort, they’re not beneficial for our physical health or our mental well-being in the long run.

If you notice that you’re overindulging in comfort food, consider making some simple changes. Start by incorporating more fruits and vegetables into your diet. Make sure you’re drinking enough water. And try to maintain a regular eating schedule.

Also, consider turning meal times into a mindful practice. Savor each bite, enjoy the flavors, and be present in the moment. This can help you appreciate your food more and reduce the tendency to overeat.

Conclusion

Loneliness can often lead us to act in ways that we’re not even aware of. From overindulging in comfort food to neglecting self-care, these actions can perpetuate feelings of loneliness rather than alleviate them.

But the good news is, once we become aware of these behaviors, we can start to make changes. By incorporating mindfulness practices, taking care of our physical health, and staying true to our core values, we can address feelings of loneliness in a healthier way.

It’s okay to feel lonely at times. But it’s also important to take action when you notice these feelings impacting your behavior and well-being.

I highly recommend Jeanette Brown’s Defining Your Values Exercise as a starting point for understanding yourself better and aligning your actions with your values.

And remember, you’re not alone. Reach out for help when you need it and take one step at a time towards a healthier, more connected life.