9 clear signs you’re dealing with an emotionally immature person, according to psychology

I’ve found myself in situations where dealing with someone who lacks emotional maturity makes everything more complicated.

At first, the signs aren’t always obvious. You might brush them off, thinking it’s just a rough patch or a quirk. But as time goes on, those small behaviors start to paint a clearer picture.

I’ve learned that emotional maturity isn’t something that’s immediately visible, but it shows itself in how a person handles their emotions and interactions.

Thankfully, psychology can help us recognize those patterns and understand how they affect your relationship.

In this article, I’m going to share nine signs that can help you identify emotional immaturity, and I hope that these signs can help you manage these challenging situations more effectively.

1) They avoid responsibility

One of the most telling signs that you’re dealing with an emotionally immature person is their consistent evasion of responsibility.

Responsibility can be a daunting concept. It asks us to take ownership for our actions, our decisions, and sometimes for the situations we find ourselves in. For some, this is too much to handle.

Now, we all have moments when we’d rather not shoulder the blame or deal with the consequences of our actions.

But if you notice a pattern of such behavior in someone, it could be a sign of emotional immaturity.

Emotionally mature individuals understand the concept of cause and effect.

They know that their actions have consequences and they’re willing to accept them.

On the other hand, emotionally immature individuals often play the victim.

They tend to deflect blame onto others and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

So if you encounter someone who consistently dodges responsibility or points fingers at others when things go wrong, you might be dealing with an emotionally immature person.

2) They struggle with empathy

Another key sign of emotional immaturity is a struggle with empathy.

Now, let me share a personal example. I once had a friend who had difficulty understanding others’ feelings.

Every time I was going through a tough phase and needed a shoulder to lean on, this friend would either downplay my feelings or make it about themselves.

One time, I was dealing with a significant loss in my family. Instead of offering comfort or understanding, my friend immediately launched into a story about how they lost a pet when they were young.

It was clear they were struggling to empathize with my situation and instead turned the conversation back to themselves.

They consistently displayed a lack of empathy, which, according to psychotherapist Dr. Tracy Hutchinson, is a clear sign of emotional immaturity.

Emotionally mature individuals are capable of understanding and sharing the feelings of others. They can put themselves in someone else’s shoes and offer genuine empathy and support.

If you’re dealing with someone who struggles with this, you might be dealing with an emotionally immature person.

3) They have difficulty controlling their emotions

Emotion regulation is an essential aspect of emotional maturity. It refers to our ability to effectively manage and respond to an emotional experience.

When we’re children, we tend to have more difficulty managing our emotions. You’ve probably seen a toddler throw a tantrum in a grocery store just because they can’t get a candy bar.

But as we grow older, we learn to control our emotions and react appropriately to different situations.

Sure, some teenagers and young adults might exhibit emotionally immature behavior such as impulsiveness or volatile emotions, as they’re still learning to regulate their feelings.

But when adults display this kind of behavior consistently, it’s often a sign of emotional immaturity.

So if you find yourself dealing with someone who often has outbursts or struggles to control their emotions in different situations, you might be dealing with an emotionally immature person.

4) They have a hard time dealing with criticism

Nobody enjoys being criticized; it’s human nature to want to be appreciated and accepted. However, how we react to criticism is a strong indicator of our emotional maturity.

Emotionally mature individuals understand that criticism, even when it’s tough to hear, can be an opportunity for growth and improvement. They’re able to take it in stride, and use it constructively.

On the flip side, emotionally immature individuals often struggle with criticism. They may react defensively, lash out, or completely shut down when faced with criticism.

Instead of seeing it as an opportunity for growth, they view it as a personal attack and may even resort to blaming others or making excuses.

5) They struggle with commitment

Commitment can be scary. Whether it’s sticking to a job, maintaining a long-term relationship, or even just following through on plans, commitment requires a certain level of emotional maturity.

Emotionally mature individuals understand that commitment entails making sacrifices and sticking with decisions, even when things get tough.

They’re willing to put in the effort to maintain relationships, meet their obligations, and keep their promises.

On the other hand, emotionally immature individuals often struggle with commitment.

They may have a history of quitting jobs, ending relationships prematurely, or frequently changing their minds.

This lack of consistency and reliability can be a clear sign of emotional immaturity.

So if you’re dealing with someone who seems to avoid commitments at all costs, you might be dealing with an emotionally immature person.

6) They struggle with genuine apologies

We all make mistakes. It’s a part of being human. But the ability to acknowledge our mistakes, and offer a sincere apology, is a strong indicator of emotional maturity.

Let me tell you, there’s something truly heartwarming about a genuine apology. It’s an act of courage that shows humility, self-awareness, and consideration for the feelings of others.

On the other hand, emotionally immature individuals often struggle with this. They may offer “non-apologies” that shift the blame or minimize the impact of their actions.

You’ve likely heard these before: “I’m sorry if you felt hurt,” or “I’m sorry but you misunderstood me.” These phrases deflect responsibility and fail to acknowledge the harm caused.

7) They have unrealistic expectations

Life is full of ups and downs. There are moments of joy, and there are moments of disappointment. Emotionally mature individuals understand this and can manage their expectations accordingly.

However, I’ve noticed that emotionally immature individuals often struggle with this concept. They tend to have unrealistic expectations, whether about relationships, jobs, or life in general.

I remember once having a conversation with a friend who had just started a new job. They were excited but also had extremely high expectations.

They expected to be promoted within a few months and to be best friends with all their colleagues.

When reality didn’t match up with their expectations, they quickly became disillusioned and frustrated.

Instead of adjusting their expectations or trying to improve the situation, they started looking for another job.

This inability to set realistic expectations and adapt when things don’t go as planned can be a clear sign of emotional immaturity.

8) They’re self-centered

While it’s healthy to prioritize one’s own needs and desires, there’s a fine line between self-care and self-centeredness.

Emotionally mature individuals understand the importance of considering others’ feelings and needs.

They’re able to balance their wants with the needs of those around them, demonstrating empathy and compassion.

On the other hand, emotionally immature individuals often struggle with this balance. They tend to focus predominantly on their own needs and wants, often at the expense of others.

Their conversations might revolve around themselves, or they may disregard others’ feelings or needs.

This self-centered behavior can be quite challenging to deal with and is a clear sign of emotional immaturity.

9) They lack resilience

One of the most telling signs of emotional immaturity is a lack of resilience.

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity, to keep going in the face of hardship, and to adapt to change.

It’s an essential quality that helps us navigate life’s challenges and grow from our experiences.

Emotionally mature individuals tend to display resilience, understanding that setbacks and disappointments are a part of life. They’re able to navigate these situations without crumbling.

A study conducted among medical students supports this by highlighting a significant correlation between emotional maturity and the ability to learn and adapt in challenging environments.

However, emotionally immature individuals often lack this resilience. They may struggle to cope with setbacks or changes and might easily become overwhelmed by adversity.

This inability to handle life’s ups and downs effectively is a clear signal of emotional immaturity.

Final thoughts

Emotional maturity is something we all have to work on throughout our lives.

It’s a continuous process of growth that shapes how we interact with others and manage our own emotions.

I’ve come to realize that dealing with someone who lacks this maturity can be draining, but it also offers a chance to learn more about yourself and your boundaries.

These signs are just the beginning. The real progress happens in how you respond and adapt to these situations. As we go through life, we all have the chance to develop greater emotional resilience, one experience at a time.