7 common phrases that you don’t realize make you come across as self-centered

Here’s one of the easiest ways to unintentionally offend someone:

You’re having a conversation—maybe with a friend or a colleague—and without even realizing it, the way you’re speaking makes you seem self-centered.

You’ve made an effort to be more mindful, to listen more, and talk less. Yet, somehow, your words still seem to rub people the wrong way.

The worst part? It often doesn’t feel like anything is off.

But deep down, you get this subtle feeling that your conversations aren’t flowing as smoothly as they should, even though your heart’s in the right place, and you truly care about the people around you.

Let’s dive into how to spot those sneaky phrases that might be giving the wrong impression. Here are 7 common phrases that can make you seem more self-absorbed than you intend—and recognizing them could transform the way you communicate.

1) “I” dominates your conversations

It’s a subtle thing, using the word “I” too much in your conversations.

You might think you’re just sharing your experiences or expressing your thoughts, but an overdose of “I” can make you sound self-absorbed, as research suggests.

It’s not that you’re intentionally trying to dominate the conversation or that you don’t care about others. You simply might not realize how often you’re putting yourself in the spotlight.

You see, when you start every sentence with “I”, it can feel like you’re making the conversation all about yourself.

And while it’s great to share your thoughts and feelings, a balanced conversation requires a give-and-take approach.

If you find that “I” is your go-to starter for most sentences, it might be time to mix things up a bit. Try asking more questions, or giving others the chance to share their thoughts before jumping in with yours.

After all, effective communication is about understanding as much as it is about expressing. So if your language is constantly self-centered, it could be sending unintended messages about your character.

2) You’re always the hero of your stories

This isn’t exactly a specific phrase in itself, but what I want to convey here is that any phrase or statement that puts you in the spotlight makes you come across as self-centered.  

I remember a time when I was in a group conversation, and I was eagerly sharing a story about how I had managed to solve a complex problem at work.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating your wins. But as I was speaking, I realized that I was painting myself as the hero in every story, the one who always had all the answers and saved the day.

In my eagerness to share my achievements, I was unknowingly monopolizing the conversation and making it all about me, leaving little room for others to share their experiences or victories.

That’s when it hit me – if you’re constantly the hero in your own stories, you might come across as self-centered.

It’s not about downplaying your accomplishments or being overly modest. Rather, it’s about acknowledging that everyone has their moments of triumph and ensuring you’re not the only one getting a chance to shine in the conversation.

So next time you’re sharing a story, try to include other people’s roles and contributions too. Try putting the spotlight on others for a change. Ask them about their day, their dreams, their challenges.

It’s called the empathic approach, and it can make your conversations much more meaningful.  

3) “I always” or “I never”

When you speak in absolutes, like “I always” or “I never”, it subtly signals that you’re only considering your own perspective.

Absolutes are words that leave no room for other possibilities. They can make your statements seem more like decrees than contributions to a conversation.

Research in the field of linguistics reveals that language shapes our perceptions and interactions. When we use absolute terms, it can unintentionally create a one-sided view of the situation and make others feel as if their experiences or viewpoints are being dismissed.

This doesn’t mean you’re intentionally discounting others’ experiences or perspectives. But it’s worth taking a moment to consider how your language might be perceived by others.

Next time you find yourself about to say something like “I always do this” or “I never do that”, pause and think about how it might sound to the other person. Can you rephrase it to make it less absolute, more inclusive? Small changes in the way we speak can have a big impact on how we connect with others.

4) Backhanded compliments

We all know that a compliment can brighten someone’s day. But have you ever given a compliment that subtly boosts your own ego?

I’m talking about those backhanded compliments, the ones where you say something nice about someone else but somehow manage to make it about yourself. Like, “I wish I could be as carefree as you, but I have too many responsibilities.”

At first glance, it might seem harmless. You’re complimenting the other person’s carefree nature, right? But look closer and you’ll see that you’ve made it about your own presumed importance or busyness.

While it’s great to appreciate others and acknowledge their qualities, it’s crucial to ensure that your compliments don’t come across as self-focused remarks. If you genuinely want to compliment someone, make sure it’s about them and not a veiled boast about yourself.

The most sincere compliments are those that celebrate others without making it about us.

5) “That reminds me of…”

Have you ever shared a story, only to have someone else jump in and make it about their own experience?

It’s a common situation. Someone might be sharing about their weekend trip, and you chime in with, “That reminds me of when I went to…”

While it might seem like you’re just relating to the story, if you do it too often, this can often come across as if you’re trying to steer the conversation back to yourself. This behavior is called conversational dominance in psychology. 

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share your experiences. But it’s important to give others their moment to shine.

If someone is sharing their story, let them have the floor. Listen, ask questions, show interest. And when they’re done, if your story is still relevant, share it.

Remember, conversations are not competitions. They’re opportunities for us to learn more about each other and build deeper connections.

6) “At least I…”

Starting a sentence with “At least I…” is a common way we compare ourselves to others.

You might think you’re just making a harmless observation or trying to bring a positive spin to the situation. But this phrase can often come across as dismissive or condescending.

For example, if someone shares that they’re struggling with their workload, and you respond with “At least I manage my time effectively,” it can feel like you’re downplaying their struggle and turning the spotlight back on yourself.

Instead of making comparisons, try empathizing. A simple “That sounds tough, how can I help?” can go a long way in making the other person feel heard and understood.

7) “But enough about me”

This might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t saying “but enough about me” a way to shift the focus from yourself to others?

While that’s true in theory, in practice, this phrase can come across a bit differently.

You see, when you say “but enough about me,” it often implies that you’ve been talking about yourself for a significant amount of time. And even though you’re now inviting others to share, the conversation has been one-sided up until this point.

The key is to avoid monopolizing the conversation in the first place. Engage in active listening. Ask open-ended questions that allow others to share their thoughts and experiences.

Strong, meaningful connections come from mutual understanding and shared experiences. If we can shift our focus from solely expressing ourselves to also understanding others, we can enhance our relationships and have more balanced, fulfilling conversations.

After all, as Stephen R. Covey wisely said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Let’s strive to be the exception.

Final thoughts

If you’ve been nodding along while reading this, don’t worry, you’re not alone. We’ve all said or done things that can come across as self-centered, often without even realizing it.

But here’s the thing – recognizing these patterns is the first step towards change.

Start by observing your conversations. Pay attention to your choice of words, your listening skills, and how often you shift the focus to yourself.

It’s not about self-censorship, but about creating a balance in your interactions. As Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

With greater awareness and some tweaks in your communication style, you can make sure that the impression you’re leaving is one of empathy and understanding, rather than self-centeredness.