Couples who grow apart with time often display these 10 subtle behaviors, according to psychology

As time passes, some couples find themselves growing distant, even if everything seemed perfect in the beginning.

It’s not usually one big moment that creates the divide—often, it’s a series of subtle shifts that go unnoticed until the distance feels too big to bridge.

What once felt like deep connection slowly turns into a quiet drift apart.

According to psychology, couples who experience this often display certain behaviors that signal the relationship is changing.

These small, often unnoticed actions can build up over time, creating emotional separation.

Here are ten subtle behaviors that might be clues your relationship is heading in that direction.

1) Spending less quality time together

We all know that time is the currency of relationships.

It’s not just about being in the same room together, but actively engaging with one another.

Research shows that “couples who spend a larger proportion of their time together talking reported greater satisfaction, perceived more positive qualities in their relationships, and experienced greater closeness.”

So the opposite is true as well — if you don’t spend enough quality time engaging with each other, you’ll slowly drift apart. 

This subtle shift can be as simple as preferring to watch TV separately or always being engrossed in your phones, even when you’re together.

These seemingly minor changes can indicate a growing distance between you and your partner.

But don’t panic just yet. This is just one sign among many, and recognizing it is the first step towards addressing the issue.

2) Frequent miscommunications

In my early days of dating, I had a conversation with my partner that to this day, stands out in my memory.

We were discussing weekend plans and somehow ended up arguing about household chores.

What was supposed to be a simple discussion turned into a complicated mess of misunderstanding.

This is exactly what frequent miscommunications look like – simple conversations spiraling into unnecessary arguments.

Effective communication is the backbone of any relationship.

So when misunderstanding becomes more frequent than understanding, it could be an indication of growing apart.

The key is to take a step back and focus on active listening, rather than merely hearing each other.

3) The excitement is gone

Let’s be honest here; the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever.

However, if you find your relationship has shifted from exhilarating to boringly predictable, it’s worth taking note.

It’s challenging to stay curious about someone you’ve been with for a long time, but keeping that spark alive requires effort.

Relationships need continued attention, novelty, and shared experiences to keep the excitement alive.

Without it, couples can start to feel like they’re simply coexisting rather than truly connecting.

As psychologist Esther Perel said, “Romantic desire thrives on uncertainty.”

So, stay curious about your partner. Remember that you don’t know — and can’t ever know — everything there is to know about them.

Use this as a motivation to keep exploring the complex beings you both are to each other. 

4) Less physical affection

Remember those early days when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? And now, it seems like even a peck on the cheek is a rare occurrence.

So many studies have already explored the role of affection in relationships.

And the unanimous verdict is: couples who touch each other more are happier.

You can’t get any simpler than that. 

You see, physical affection is more than just intimacy.

It’s about those little gestures of love – holding hands, a reassuring hug, or a simple touch on the arm.

When these become less frequent, it could signify growing emotional distance.

In my own experience, I’ve noticed that when things go sour, the frequency of these small gestures tends to decrease.

It’s subtle but telling. So pay attention to these signs as they could be pointing towards a deeper issue in your relationship.

5) You’re fighting more…or not at all

This might sound counterintuitive, but both frequent fighting and an absence of it can be a sign of growing apart.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a well-known psychologist and developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy, once said, “The signal of a secure love is the ability to fight and know the relationship will not end.”

Frequent fights might imply unresolved issues that are causing tension.

However, on the flip side, if you never argue, it might mean you’re avoiding conflicts altogether, which isn’t healthy either.

In a thriving relationship, disagreements are dealt with through open communication, not avoidance or constant bickering.

So if you find yourself in either extreme, it’s worth taking a step back to assess the state of your relationship.

6) Making decisions without consulting each other

When you’re part of a couple, it’s natural to consult each other on big decisions.

But when you or your partner start making significant choices without involving the other, it could be a sign of growing apart.

And definitely, it’s a sign of disrespect. Being in a partnership means sharing your lives together, and that includes decision-making.

I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and it clearly caused resentment and created a chasm in the relationship.

7) Lack of shared goals

In my early days of counseling, I had a couple who were growing apart.

Upon probing, I realized they no longer had shared goals. One wanted to travel and explore, the other wanted to settle down and start a family.

And that’s a problem, because having common goals gives your relationship direction and keeps you bonded.

So, if you find your dreams diverging from your partner’s, it might be an indicator of growing apart.

It’s crucial to discuss your aspirations openly and find common ground to keep the relationship strong.

8) Feeling lonely even when you’re together

This is a hard one to admit, but sometimes, you can be in the same room with your partner and still feel alone.

Intimacy isn’t just about being physically close; it’s about emotional connection.

When that emotional connection fades, the relationship can start to feel hollow, leaving one or both partners with a sense of loneliness.

If you’ve been noticing this creeping in, it could be a subtle sign that you and your partner are growing apart, even if you’re still sharing the same space. This brings me to the next point…

9) You’re more like roommates than lovers

Has your relationship taken on a more practical, day-to-day vibe, where you feel more like roommates than romantic partners?

It’s easy to fall into routines where managing chores, schedules, and responsibilities takes center stage, leaving little room for intimacy or passion.

When this shift happens, the emotional and physical closeness that once defined your relationship can fade, turning interactions into something transactional rather than affectionate.

You may even feel like your partner is no longer your go-to person, especially for more intimate and emotional matters. 

Sure, sharing domestic responsibilities is part of being in a long-term relationship, but the romance shouldn’t take a backseat.

If you find that your relationship lacks the intimacy and passion it once had, it might be time for a heart-to-heart conversation.

10) Neglecting each other’s needs

When you’re in love, you naturally want to make your partner happy.

You pay attention to their needs and desires. But if you find that either of you is consistently neglecting the other’s needs, it may indicate that you’re growing apart.

In fact, it could even go beyond mere disconnection.

According to the Marriage Recovery Center, “Emotional neglect is an unspoken but insidious form of emotional abuse that often goes unnoticed in relationships. It involves the absence of essential emotional care, attention, affection, and validation that one would naturally expect in a healthy relationship.”

I hope you haven’t reached this point yet.

But if you have, it’s crucial to recognize it and take action before the gap becomes too wide to bridge.

Final thoughts

Growing apart in a relationship doesn’t happen overnight—it’s often the result of subtle shifts and behaviors that accumulate over time. 

But the good news is, recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward change.

Relationships require effort and communication to thrive, and by addressing these issues early on, you can rebuild the connection before it’s too late.

Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, but it’s how you handle those moments that can ultimately determine whether you grow together or apart.