7 emotionally immature behaviors you should never put up with in a relationship

Relationships can be challenging at times, but they should never feel like a one-sided emotional struggle.

We’ve all encountered those moments where someone’s behavior feels more like you’re dealing with a stubborn teenager than an equal partner. Emotional immaturity can show up in subtle ways or full-blown patterns, and if left unchecked, it can wreak havoc on your mental and emotional well-being.

As the founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert, I’ve seen firsthand how emotionally immature behaviors can chip away at the foundation of a relationship.

But here’s the thing—you don’t have to put up with it. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward setting boundaries and protecting your peace.

Let’s dive into seven common signs of emotional immaturity that no one should tolerate in a relationship.

1) Stonewalling

We’ve all had moments in our relationships where we hit an impasse. It’s natural part of the process of getting to know each other better.

However, there’s a marked difference between needing time to think and stonewalling.

Stonewalling is when one person completely shuts down, refusing to communicate or engage with the other. It’s a defense mechanism that some people use when they feel overwhelmed or threatened. But let me tell you, it’s not a healthy reaction.

This behavior isn’t just frustrating; it can also be damaging to a relationship over time. It prevents effective communication and resolution of conflicts.

The silent treatment, consistent avoidance of tough topics, or even walking away mid-conversation – all are signs of stonewalling.

Addressing this behavior is crucial. Remember, communication is the backbone of any successful relationship. If your partner frequently stonewalls, it’s time for a serious conversation about emotional maturity and how it impacts your relationship.

And if things don’t change, you might need to reconsider whether this is the right relationship for you.

2) Constant blame game

Ever been with someone who never takes responsibility for their actions? It’s always someone else’s fault, or even worse, they pin the blame on you.

This, my friends, is the classic blame game – a behavior that reeks of emotional immaturity.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen this behavior far too often. It’s an evasion tactic, a way to shift responsibility and avoid accountability.

But here’s the thing – a relationship is a partnership. Both parties should be willing to accept their mistakes and learn from them.

So if your partner is always pointing fingers and never owning up to their mistakes, it’s time to have a heart-to-heart. It’s important for both of you to understand that blaming others isn’t a solution but a roadblock to personal growth and a healthy relationship.

3) Overdependence

In a relationship, it’s wonderful to lean on each other for support. However, there’s a fine line between healthy dependence and toxic overdependence.

Overdependence is when one partner relies excessively on the other for their emotional, physical, or financial needs, often to the point of losing their own identity. This isn’t just draining, it’s also a sign of emotional immaturity.

I’ve had my fair share of encounters with this behavior during my years in relationship counseling. It’s heartbreaking to see someone lose themselves in a relationship, compromising their individuality and self-worth.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this issue. I discuss the harmful effects of overdependence and provide practical advice on how to reclaim your individuality in a relationship.

A healthy relationship is about complementing each other, not completing each other. If you find yourself or your partner struggling with overdependence, it might be time to seek help and start the journey towards a healthier, more balanced relationship.

4) Passive aggressiveness

Ah, passive aggressiveness – the silent killer of many relationships. It’s a form of emotional immaturity that’s as subtle as it is destructive.

Passive aggressive behavior includes giving the silent treatment, making sarcastic comments, or expressing negative feelings indirectly. It’s an indirect way of expressing anger or dissatisfaction without having to confront the issue head-on.

Early in my career, I had a client who was always complaining about her partner’s forgetfulness. Instead of addressing the issue directly, she’d leave post-it notes all over the house with reminders. This passive-aggressive behavior only led to more misunderstandings and resentment between them.

Remember, clear and open communication is key in any relationship. If you notice passive aggression creeping into yours, it’s time to address it. Don’t let unexpressed anger build up and poison your relationship.

5) Emotional unavailability

This one’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s crucial. Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable is like trying to fill a bottomless pit – it’s exhausting and ultimately futile.

Emotionally unavailable individuals often keep their feelings locked away, unable or unwilling to share them. They avoid deep conversations, preferring to keep things superficial. 

I won’t sugarcoat it – this behavior can be devastating for the other partner.It can feel incredibly lonely, even when you’re in the same room with them. It breeds insecurity, mistrust, and can lead to a deep sense of unworthiness.

If you find yourself with an emotionally unavailable partner, some raw honesty is definitely called for. It’s important to express how their emotional unavailability affects you and the relationship.

If things don’t change, you may need to take a hard look at whether this relationship is healthy for you.

6) Lack of empathy

The iconic poet Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

That’s the power of empathy in a nutshell.

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Without it, you’re left feeling unheard, unloved, and disconnected.

In my journey as a relationship counselor, I’ve seen how transformative empathy can be in a relationship. It bridges gaps, heals wounds, and fosters a deep sense of connection.

A lack of empathy can manifest in different ways. Maybe your partner dismisses your feelings, or they struggle to comfort you when you’re upset. These behaviors can leave deep emotional scars.

Simply put, a relationship without empathy is like a garden without water – it simply cannot thrive.

7) Inability to apologize

We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

Those moments when we know we’re in the wrong, but our ego gets in the way of admitting it. Now imagine being in a relationship with someone who never apologizes, no matter what.

An inability to apologize is a glaring sign of emotional immaturity. It stems from an inability or unwillingness to accept responsibility for one’s actions. It creates a toxic dynamic in the relationship where one person always ends up shouldering the blame.

I won’t mince words here – it’s incredibly damaging. It erodes trust, fosters resentment, and leaves deep emotional wounds.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who never apologizes, it’s time for some tough love. This behavior needs to be addressed and worked on. If it doesn’t change, let me just remind you — you shouldn’t put up with it. 

Wrapping up

Relationships can be a beautiful journey of love and growth, but they can also be challenging, especially when you’re dealing with emotional immaturity.

Remember, it’s important to recognize these behaviors and address them. Don’t let emotional immaturity rob you of a fulfilling relationship.

I delve deeper into these issues in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a comprehensive guide to recognizing and overcoming unhealthy attachment patterns in your relationships.

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but with patience, communication, and sometimes professional help, it’s possible to nurture emotional maturity in your relationship.

Remember, you deserve a relationship that brings out the best in you, not the stress in you.