We all seek respect, kindness, and a sense of belonging, but not everyone we meet will fulfill these needs.
Some men exhibit behaviors that lack kindness and respect, leaving us feeling undervalued and miserable.
These behaviors may not involve physical abuse but can cause significant emotional distress, often becoming more pronounced over time.
This article will highlight 9 behaviors of such men, supported by psychology—if a man in your life consistently shows these traits, he might not be as kind as you think.
1) He’s constantly belittling
Belittling isn’t always as overt as name-calling or outright ridicule. Often, it’s subtle and can slowly chip away at your self-esteem over time.
You may notice that this man often makes sarcastic comments or ‘jokes’ at your expense. He might constantly criticize your actions, decisions, or appearance in a way that seems harmless or even affectionate at first glance.
He might seem to find fault with everything you do, no matter how trivial. Whether it’s how you dress, cook, or even speak, nothing seems to be good enough for him.
Sometimes, he might disguise these criticisms as “just trying to help” or “only joking”. But over time, you may start to feel inadequate, unsure of yourself, and constantly on edge – always trying to avoid his next round of ‘constructive criticism’ or ‘teasing’.
2) He’s overly controlling
Control is a slippery slope; in fact, psychologists define overly-controlling behavior as a form of emotional abuse.
It can start with him just wanting to ‘look out’ for you, but gradually, it can morph into something more sinister.
Perhaps he wants to know where you are at all times, or he insists on making decisions on your behalf – where to eat, what movie to watch, even what clothes you should wear.
Maybe he’s excessively possessive and gets upset when you spend time with others or do things independently. He might disguise this possessiveness as concern or love, but in reality, it’s just his way of keeping you on a tight leash.
Sometimes, the control can extend to finances too. He might want to manage your money or make you financially dependent on him.
This controlling behavior can leave you feeling suffocated and trapped, and it’s a clear sign that he’s not a nice person.
3) He’s overly charming
Charm, in moderation, can be a delightful trait. But when it’s excessive and seems too good to be true, it might just be a mask for a not-so-nice person.
This man might always say the right things, be incredibly flattering, and shower you with gifts and attention. He might be the life of the party and everyone seems to love him.
But behind closed doors, he may show a different side. The constant charm might be a facade to hide his true nature or to manipulate you into overlooking his less savory actions.
His charm can also be used to disarm you and make you question your instincts when things seem off. “He’s so nice and charming, he can’t possibly be a bad person,” you might think.
In reality, this over-the-top charm can be just as concerning as outright nasty behavior. It’s important to trust your instincts and pay attention to his actions when the charm fades away.
4) He’s unkind to those who can’t ‘benefit’ him
It’s easy to be nice to people when you’re trying to impress or when there’s something in it for you. But the true measure of a person’s character lies in how they treat those from whom they have nothing to gain.
Take note of how this man treats waitstaff at a restaurant, janitors at his workplace, or even stray animals on the street. Does he dismiss them, ignore them, or even act rudely towards them?
If he’s only kind and respectful to those who are in a position of power, or who can offer him something in return, it’s a glaring red flag.
Deep down, we’re all human and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, regardless of our status or what we can offer.
5) He lacks empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a fundamental quality that makes us human and allows us to connect on a deep emotional level.
However, not every man possesses this trait. If he consistently fails to show understanding or compassion when you’re going through a tough time, it can be a tell-tale sign of his true character.
Maybe he dismisses your feelings as being ‘overly sensitive’ or ‘dramatic’. Perhaps he struggles to express comfort or reassurance when you’re feeling down.
Sometimes, it can even extend to other people’s problems. He might seem indifferent or even annoyed when someone is sharing their personal struggles or pain.
6) He’s never wrong
We all make mistakes – it’s part of being human. But a man who refuses to admit when he’s wrong is displaying a classic sign of a not-so-nice person.
Perhaps you’ve had arguments where he insists he’s right, even when it’s clear he’s not. Or maybe he has a habit of twisting facts or blaming others to avoid taking responsibility for his actions.
He might even turn the situation around and make you feel guilty for challenging him, leaving you second-guessing your own judgment.
Being unable to admit fault is not only frustrating but also detrimental for any form of relationship. It shows a lack of maturity, humility, and respect for others’ perspectives.
In the end, we all deserve someone who can own up to their mistakes and work towards growth and improvement.
7) He lacks a sense of humor
Life can be tough and sometimes, a good laugh is all we need to get us through the day. But what if the man in your life lacks a sense of humor?
Now, humor can be subjective. What one person finds funny, another might not. But if he rarely laughs, doesn’t appreciate your jokes, or takes everything too seriously, it could be a sign that he’s not the nicest person.
Perhaps he doesn’t understand or enjoy lighthearted banter. Or maybe he only finds humor in things that are at the expense of others.
A shared sense of humor can be a bonding factor in any relationship. It adds joy, eases tension, and allows for shared moments of happiness.
8) He’s disrespectful
Respect is one of many non-negotiables in any relationship. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and decency – no exceptions.
But if the man in your life consistently shows disrespect, whether it’s towards you or others, it’s time to face the harsh truth – he’s not a very nice person.
Maybe he interrupts you when you’re speaking or dismisses your ideas without consideration. Perhaps he uses derogatory language or makes degrading comments about others. Or he might disregard your boundaries and make you feel uncomfortable.
This lack of respect is not a reflection of your worth but a testament to his character.
9) He doesn’t value your worth
Above all, the most important thing to remember is this: you are worthy. You are valuable. You deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, and love.
If the man in your life fails to recognize your worth, if he belittles your achievements, ignores your needs, or makes you feel like you’re ‘less than’, then it’s time to reevaluate the situation.
Perhaps he makes you feel like you’re not good enough or compares you to others in a demeaning way. Or maybe he doesn’t appreciate your efforts and takes you for granted.
Never let anyone make you feel unworthy or unimportant. Because the truth is, you matter. And anyone who fails to see that is not worth your time.
Where do we go from here?
If you find yourself recognizing these behaviors in a man you’re involved with, you might be feeling a mix of emotions right now.
Renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman refers to these negative behaviors as the ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse‘ for relationships, citing contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling as key predictors of relationship failure.
Being with someone who belittles, controls, or lacks empathy can be emotionally draining.
Such behaviors can leave you feeling unappreciated and unloved. Remember, you deserve respect and kindness in all relationships.
If you encounter these issues, reflect on whether the relationship benefits you and if you’re truly valued.
This article helps identify harmful behaviors for re-evaluation. Everyone deserves a relationship where they feel loved and respected—don’t settle for less!
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