If small talk tends to make you feel awkward, say goodbye to these habits

Small talk can be a tricky beast for many of us; it’s not so much the conversation that’s daunting, but the feeling of awkwardness that tends to creep in.

For many, casual conversations can feel like navigating a social minefield.

But here’s the good news: Those awkward moments often stem from a few simple habits that are entirely within your power to change.

Say goodbye to the stumbling and hello to smoother, more enjoyable interactions by letting go of these seven habits:

1) Overthinking every word

We’ve all been there: Trying to plan out each word, each sentence, each response in our heads before it even leaves our mouths.

It’s mentally exhausting and, unfortunately, it only makes the conversation feel more awkward.

Instead of enjoying the conversation, we’re caught up in our thoughts; we worry about saying the wrong thing, not being interesting enough, or how we’re being perceived.

This overthinking can strip away the natural flow of conversation and replace it with an awkward silence or forced dialogue.

It’s a habit that doesn’t serve us well and can make small talk feel more like a chore than a chance to connect.

So how do you break free from this habit?

The first step is awareness: Recognize when you’re overthinking and take a moment to refocus on the conversation at hand.

Small talk is just that—small,—and it’s not meant to be a profound or perfect dialogue, but rather a simple exchange of words to build rapport and connection.

2) Being a conversation monopolizer

I’ll be the first to admit, I used to be guilty of this habit: I’d take control of the conversation and talk about myself, my experiences, and my thoughts.

I convinced myself that by sharing more, I was making the conversation more interesting.

However, I soon realized that I was doing more harm than good.

While it’s completely normal to share personal anecdotes or experiences during a conversation, it’s crucial to ensure that it’s not a one-sided monologue.

I noticed the people I was talking to were becoming less engaged and more distant, and it dawned on me that I was monopolizing the conversation and not giving them space to share their thoughts or experiences.

Taking a step back and listening more changed everything for me.

Conversations became two-way streets, filled with a lot more engagement and connection.

Active listening is just as important as sharing in small talk as it shows respect, interest, and an openness to learn from others.

3) Avoiding eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful tool in communication. It’s a non-verbal cue that shows you’re engaged and interested in what the other person is saying.

But did you know that on average, humans hold eye contact for 7 to 10 seconds before looking away?

Yet, when we’re feeling awkward or uncomfortable, we tend to either avoid eye contact altogether or hold it for too short a time.

This can send the wrong message, making the other person feel unimportant or ignored.

Saying goodbye to this habit can significantly improve your small talk skills.

Try to maintain a comfortable level of eye contact during conversations; not too little that you seem disinterested, but not too much that it becomes unsettling.

Balance is key and, with practice, maintaining eye contact will become a natural part of your conversation skills.

4) Fearing silence

Silence is often viewed as a conversation killer, but it doesn’t have to be.

In fact, silence can be a powerful tool when used correctly.

Many of us fear silence in a conversation and rush to fill it with words, any words—leading to unnecessary rambling or saying things we didn’t intend to say, just to avoid an awkward pause.

But here’s the thing: Silence is natural, giving both parties a chance to gather their thoughts or consider what’s been said.

It’s okay to take a moment before responding or to let a conversation topic naturally come to an end.

Don’t panic—embrace it, take a breath, and let the conversation flow naturally.

5) Trying to impress

In my early career, I remember meeting new people and feeling the need to impress them with my accomplishments, my knowledge, or my skills.

I thought that if I could prove how competent or successful I was, they would respect and value me more.

The truth is, this approach often made my small talk feel forced and inauthentic; it didn’t leave room for genuine connection or getting to know each other on a deeper level.

I’ve since learned that small talk isn’t about proving yourself; it’s about building bridges and making connections.

Rather than trying to impress, I’ve learned to express.

To be genuine, show interest in others, and build conversations on mutual respect and understanding.

This shift in perspective has made my interactions more meaningful and less awkward.

If you tend to use small talk as a platform to impress others, consider leaving this habit behind.

Trust me, the authenticity you bring to the conversation will be far more impressive.

6) Neglecting body language

Body language plays a crucial role in all forms of communication, including small talk—it’s not just about what we say, but how we say it.

Crossed arms, lack of eye contact, or constantly checking your phone can all send signals that you’re disinterested or disengaged.

Even if that’s not your intention, it’s how it may be perceived by the other person.

On the flip side, open body language—like leaning in slightly, nodding in agreement, or mirroring the other person’s gestures—can show that you’re actively engaged and interested in the conversation.

Start being aware of the non-verbal cues you’re sending.

You might be surprised at how much this can improve your small talk game.

7) Forgetting the purpose of small talk

At its core, small talk is about building connections, fostering relationships, and creating a sense of community.

We often lose sight of this and focus too much on the ‘what’—what to say, what not to say, what topics to bring up—but what truly matters is why we engage in these conversations in the first place.

If there’s one habit to say goodbye to, it’s forgetting the true purpose of small talk.

When you shift your focus from trying to say the ‘right’ things to simply connecting with others, you’ll find that small talk becomes less daunting and more enjoyable.

Embracing the art of small talk

At its core, small talk is a skill, like learning an instrument or a new language—it improves with practice.

Beyond idle chatter, its true power lies in bridging gaps, breaking barriers, and fostering genuine connections.

By letting go of habits that hinder small talk and embracing those that nurture authentic interaction—like attentive listening and genuine expression—we unlock its potential.

In a noisy world where everyone wants to be heard, the most impactful thing we can do is listen, connect, and understand, one conversation at a time.