If someone exhibits these 8 subtle behaviors, they may be quietly experiencing deep grief and pain

When someone you care about is grieving, it can be incredibly difficult to watch them go through such deep pain, especially if they seem to be keeping it all inside.

Often, grief doesn’t show up in loud, obvious ways—it can be subtle, hidden behind quiet gestures, changed routines, or small shifts in behavior that may seem insignificant on the surface but speak volumes underneath.

If you’re worried about a loved one who seems different lately but isn’t openly talking about their pain, it’s only natural to feel unsure about how to help.

In this article, we’ll explore eight subtle signs that may indicate someone is silently carrying the weight of deep grief. Recognizing these behaviors can help you understand what they’re going through and offer insight into ways to support them.

1) They’re unusually withdrawn

We all have our introverted moments, times when we want to retreat into our shells and have some alone time. But when someone starts to become unusually withdrawn, it might be a sign of something deeper.

Let me paint you a picture.

You have a friend who’s usually the life of the party, always up for a chat, and suddenly they’re keeping to themselves more than usual. They’re not as engaged in conversations as they used to be and they seem to prefer being alone.

This change in social behavior could be their way of dealing with deep grief or pain. Maybe they’re finding it hard to put on a brave face or they simply don’t have the energy to socialize like they used to.

2) They lose interest in their hobbies

One of the things that really struck me when my grandfather passed away was how my grandmother stopped doing the things she loved.

She used to be an avid gardener, always out in the yard tending to her roses or planting new bulbs.

But after my grandfather died, the garden started to overgrow. It became clear to me that her grief had taken away her enthusiasm for something she once found so much joy in.

When people are experiencing deep grief or pain, it’s not uncommon for them to lose interest in their hobbies or activities they used to love. It’s like they’ve lost a part of themselves along with their joy.

So if you notice a loved one suddenly dropping their favorite activities, it might be a sign they’re struggling with something beneath the surface. And while it’s not our place to force them back into these activities, we can gently remind them of the joy they used to find in them and offer our company if they want to try again.

3) Their sleeping patterns change

Sleep is one of those things that can be hugely affected by our mental state. When someone is dealing with deep grief or pain, their sleep patterns can significantly change.

For some, it may mean sleeping more than usual. They might find comfort in the escape that sleep provides, or they might simply struggle to find the energy to get out of bed.

For others, it could mean insomnia. The quiet of the night might make their feelings of grief or pain more intense, making it difficult for them to fall asleep or stay asleep.

Interestingly, a study published in AIMS Neuroscience found that emotional experiences can disrupt our sleep patterns. So, changes in someone’s sleeping habits could hint at the emotional turmoil they might be going through.

4) They’re easily irritated

When someone is quietly carrying a burden of grief or pain, it can weigh heavily on them. They might find themselves more easily frustrated or irritated by things that wouldn’t usually bother them.

Imagine this – your usually laid-back friend suddenly snapping at you for being a few minutes late, or getting worked up over minor inconveniences.

It might seem like they’re overreacting, but in reality, they could be grappling with something much bigger on the inside.

When people are hurting, their patience can wear thin and their tolerance for stress can decrease. They may not mean to lash out or be short-tempered, but their inner pain can make it hard to keep a cool head.

If you notice someone becoming unusually irritable, try not to take it personally. Instead, consider whether there might be more going on beneath the surface.

Be patient with them, and if they’re willing, offer them a safe space to talk about what they’re going through.

5) They stop taking care of themselves

When someone is deeply hurting, self-care can often take a back seat. They might stop eating well, neglect their personal hygiene, or abandon their exercise routine.

It’s not because they don’t care about themselves, but because the pain they’re feeling can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming.

You might notice their appearance changing – maybe they’ve lost weight, or their clothes don’t seem as well-kept as before. Or perhaps they’ve stopped doing things they used to enjoy, like going for a run in the morning or cooking their favorite meals.

It’s heartbreaking to see someone you care about neglecting themselves this way. If you see this happening, it might be helpful to gently remind them that it’s okay to take care of themselves, even when they’re hurting.

Offer to help where you can – maybe cook a meal for them, or invite them for a walk. Small gestures can mean a lot when someone is going through a tough time.

6) They avoid talking about their feelings

I remember when I was going through a tough time myself, I found it really hard to express my feelings.

It’s not that I didn’t want to share, but rather, it felt as if putting my pain into words made it all too real. I ended up avoiding the topic altogether, hoping that by not acknowledging it, the pain would somehow lessen.

When someone is dealing with deep grief or pain, they might do the same. They could deflect questions about how they’re feeling or change the subject abruptly.

It might seem like they’re trying to hide something or being distant, but in reality, they might be struggling to articulate what they’re going through.

If you notice someone you care about avoiding conversations about their feelings, try not to push them too hard. Let them know that you’re there for them when they’re ready to talk and that there’s no pressure for them to open up before they’re ready.

Just being there can make a world of difference.

7) Their mood fluctuates unpredictably

Grief doesn’t follow a linear path. One moment someone might seem fine, even cheerful, and the next, they might be downcast and quiet.

These unexpected mood swings can be confusing to those around them, but they’re often a sign of the emotional rollercoaster that person is riding.

It might look like they’re being moody or unpredictable, but in reality, they’re trying to navigate their feelings. They could be having good moments where their pain feels manageable, followed by moments when it feels all-consuming.

If you notice these mood fluctuations in someone, be patient with them. Try not to judge or criticize their emotions.

Instead, give them the space to feel what they need to feel and remind them that it’s okay not to have it all together all the time.

8) They mention feelings of hopelessness

Perhaps one of the most telling signs that someone is experiencing deep grief or pain is when they express feelings of hopelessness.

They might not outright say they’re feeling hopeless, but it could come across in phrases like “I don’t see the point anymore” or “nothing really matters.”

These expressions can be quite alarming, and they’re definitely a strong sign that the person is struggling. It’s never easy to hear someone you care about talk this way, but it’s crucial not to dismiss these feelings or brush them off.

If someone opens up to you about feeling this way, take them seriously. Let them know you’re there for them, and encourage them to seek professional help if they haven’t already.

It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers – sometimes, being a listening ear is enough.

Final thoughts: It’s about empathy

Supporting someone through grief is one of the most compassionate gifts we can offer, but it’s not always easy to know how.

When someone’s pain is hidden beneath subtle behaviors, the best approach is often quiet understanding and gentle presence. Just being there for them, without pressuring them to open up, can be profoundly healing.

If you’ve noticed these signs in a loved one, consider reaching out in small but meaningful ways—a listening ear, a kind message, or simply your quiet companionship. Often, it’s these acts of care that make all the difference, showing your loved one they’re not alone in their journey through pain.

Grief may be a long and winding path, but with your steady support, they may find the strength to heal in their own time.