There’s a massive difference between feeling genuine remorse and merely putting on a show of regret.
The line that separates the two? It’s all about behavior.
When someone is truly remorseful, they won’t just say they’re sorry – their actions will reflect their words. They won’t engage in certain behaviors that contradict sincerity.
In this article, I’ll highlight seven behaviors that a genuinely remorseful person would never show.
So, let’s dig in and clear up any confusion about true remorse versus fake regret.
1) Genuine apologizers don’t shift the blame
One of the main qualities of a person who is sincerely remorseful is their ability to take full responsibility for their actions.
Blame shifting is a classic tactic of those who only feign regret. They might say they’re sorry, but they’ll also subtly (or not-so-subtly) pin the fault on someone else or something external.
But that’s not how genuine remorse works.
True remorse involves acknowledging one’s own missteps without trying to deflect the blame onto others or circumstances. It’s about owning up to your mistakes and accepting the consequences.
If someone is truly remorseful, you won’t see them playing the blame game.
They’ll stand up, admit their fault, and work towards making things right.
2) They don’t make the same mistake twice
Being genuinely sorry means learning from your mistakes. After all, if you keep repeating the same behavior, how sorry can you really be?
I remember a time when I had accidentally hurt a close friend’s feelings. I was truly sorry and remorseful about my actions.
The guilt was eating me up inside. So, I apologized sincerely and promised I would never do it again.
I meant every word. And to prove that, I made sure to never repeat that mistake.
Because that’s what true remorse looks like – it changes you and prevents you from making the same errors again.
If someone is deeply regretful, they won’t keep repeating their mistakes. Their actions will change for the better.
3) They don’t rush the forgiveness process
When someone hurts another, it’s natural to want the negative feelings to go away as quickly as possible. But genuine remorse understands that healing takes time.
Pushing for quick forgiveness can actually hinder the healing process. It can lead to unresolved feelings and even resentment.
A truly remorseful person understands this. They know they’ve caused harm and that it may take time for the other person to heal and possibly forgive.
They’re patient, and they don’t try to hurry the process along for their own comfort. They give the person they’ve hurt the space and time they need to heal.
4) They don’t use excuses
When someone is truly sorry, they won’t try to justify their actions with a barrage of excuses.
Excuses are a way of sidestepping responsibility. They signal an attempt to dilute the impact of one’s actions and avoid the full weight of the blame.
A genuinely remorseful person, however, doesn’t do this. They own their actions fully, without trying to lessen their responsibility with excuses.
They accept that what they did was wrong, that it hurt someone, and no amount of justification can change that fact.
This acceptance is a crucial part of genuine remorse.
5) They don’t avoid the topic
Genuine remorse doesn’t shy away from discussing the mistake or the hurt caused.
I’ve made significant mistakes in my life, mistakes that have caused pain to people I care about. It’s a hard pill to swallow, knowing you’ve hurt someone you love.
But I’ve learned that avoiding the topic doesn’t help anyone.
When you avoid talking about what happened, it sends a message that you’re not fully ready to acknowledge your actions and their impact.
Being truly sorry means being open to discussing the mistake, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
Only then can healing and understanding begin.
6) They don’t expect immediate trust
Rebuilding trust after a mistake isn’t an overnight process. Trust, once broken, takes time and consistent effort to rebuild.
A person who is truly remorseful understands this. They know that their actions have damaged the trust in the relationship and that it’s going to take time to restore it.
They don’t expect the other person to immediately trust them again just because they’ve said ‘sorry’.
Instead, they’re prepared to demonstrate through their actions over time that they’re worthy of that trust again.
7) They show empathy
Empathy is the key to genuine remorse.
It’s about understanding and sharing the feelings of another. When someone is truly sorry, they’ll demonstrate empathy towards the person they’ve hurt.
They’ll strive to understand how their actions affected the other person and show compassion towards their feelings. They’ll listen, acknowledge the other person’s pain, and show they truly care.
Without empathy, remorse loses its meaning. It’s a vital component that separates a sincere apology from an insincere one.
Reflection: The power of genuine remorse
A critical element in our journey of personal development and growth is the ability to express genuine remorse.
It’s not about performing an act of regret or simply uttering the words ‘I’m sorry’.
It’s about understanding the impact of our actions, feeling empathy towards the hurt we’ve caused, and making a sincere effort to rectify our mistakes.
It’s a powerful practice that not only helps in mending strained relationships but also fosters personal growth.
It encourages self-reflection, demands accountability, and promotes a deeper understanding of oneself and others.
Seeing genuine remorse in action can be profoundly moving. It reassures us of a person’s capacity for change and their commitment to bettering themselves.
And it inspires us to cultivate the same depth of sincerity and empathy in our own lives.
Let’s remember, next time we need to say ‘I’m sorry’, let’s make sure we truly mean it. Let these seven behaviors be our guide to expressing genuine remorse.
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