If someone secretly can’t stand you, they’ll usually exhibit these 6 behaviors

Ever had the sneaking suspicion that someone doesn’t really like you, but they’re too polite to say it outright?

Yeah, I’ve been there.

In my early twenties, I had a co-worker who always gave me these weird vibes—polite on the surface, but something felt off. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but looking back, the signs were all there. I just didn’t know what to look for.

It turns out that when someone secretly can’t stand you, they often give themselves away with subtle behaviors. And today, we’re going to cover six of the most telling ones.

Trust me, these cues could save you from a lot of awkward moments down the line.

Let’s dive in.

1) They avoid eye contact

Eye contact is a basic element of human connection. It shows interest, engagement, and respect.

Of course, some people are naturally shy or introverted and may avoid eye contact with everyone. But if someone makes regular eye contact with others and avoids it with you, it’s worth noting.

Avoidance of eye contact can be a subtle sign of discomfort or disinterest. And while it’s not a definitive indicator that someone can’t stand you, it’s often a telltale sign.

2) They’re always too busy for you

We’ve all been there. Trying to connect with someone only to be met with the classic “I’m too busy” excuse.

Look, everyone gets busy. We all have jobs, families, responsibilities. But if someone is consistently brushing you off with the “too busy” card, it can be a signal that they’re not that into you.

As noted by the folks at Very Well Mind, “There always tends to be an excuse explaining why they cannot attend on the specified day.” 

For instance, I remember trying to set up a lunch meeting with that colleague I mentioned. But every time I suggested a date, she was too swamped with work or had personal commitments.

At first, I brushed it off as her genuinely being busy.

Then I noticed she was always available for other colleagues and was regularly going out for lunches and coffee breaks with them. It didn’t take long to realize that her “too busy” excuse was just that – an excuse.

The takeaway here?

If someone values you and wants to spend time with you, they’ll do so. If not, they won’t. 

3) They’re quick to criticize

Criticism is a part of life. We all have our flaws, and there’s always room for improvement.

But there’s a difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary nitpicking.

If someone seems to consistently point out your faults, or they’re quick to shoot down your ideas without offering any kind of constructive feedback, it could be because they secretly can’t stand you.

People who like you will want to lift you up, not pull you down.

Also remember, criticism should be about the issue at hand, not the person. If it feels personal, it probably is.

4) Their body language is closed off

Ever noticed how someone’s body language can speak louder than their words?

Well, it’s often the case. We can lie with our words, but rarely do our bodies lie and how we hold ourselves communicates so much. In fact, some experts suggest that 55% of our communication is non verbal. 

People who secretly can’t stand you often show it through their posture and gestures, even if they’re trying to hide it verbally. Maybe they cross their arms whenever they’re around you, or they subtly angle their body away from you during conversations. These are classic signs of discomfort or even defensiveness.

When someone is open and comfortable, their body language tends to be relaxed—they might lean in, uncross their arms, or maintain a more open posture.

But if you’re getting the opposite, like tight, closed-off gestures, it’s a strong indicator that something’s up.

Pay attention next time. Sometimes, the body says what the mouth won’t.

5) They don’t include you in social activities

So let’s say you’re at work or with a group of friends, and plans for happy hour, lunch, or a weekend get-together start being discussed.

Everyone’s in on the conversation—except you. You’re either not invited, or the plans are mentioned casually in front of you, but there’s no effort to loop you in.

Sound familiar?

This subtle exclusion is often a sign that someone isn’t particularly fond of your company.

If it happens occasionally, it might not be a big deal. But if you constantly find yourself being left out, while others are regularly included, it could mean they’re avoiding having you around on purpose.

6) They are always trying to one-up you

Ever share a personal win or achievement, only for someone to immediately chime in with something they’ve done that’s “even better”?

You tell a story about your recent promotion, and they respond by bragging about how they landed an even higher-paying job. Or maybe you mention a fun trip you took, and they cut in with their “way more exotic” vacation.

This constant need to one-up others is a sign of competitiveness, but when it’s directed at you consistently, it can reveal deeper feelings of resentment or insecurity. Instead of being genuinely happy for your successes, they use every opportunity to overshadow you.

Final thoughts: It’s about understanding, not accusing

It’s never easy to admit when someone doesn’t like you, especially when the signs are subtle.

But picking up on these behaviors—whether it’s avoiding eye contact, closed-off body language, or the constant need to one-up you—can help you better understand your relationships and avoid unnecessary frustration.

While one or two of these behaviors might not mean much on their own, if you’re noticing a pattern, it could be worth re-evaluating how much energy you invest in that person.

Sometimes, it’s better to focus on those who genuinely appreciate and enjoy your company.

At the end of the day, life’s too short to spend it with people who don’t really want to be around you.