If you feel bitter and resentful in life, these 7 habits might be to blame

Feeling bitter and resentful in life — I know, it’s a heavy load to carry.

You might find yourself constantly dwelling on the past, feeling like you’re always getting the short end of the stick. And trust me, I’ve been there too.

But have you ever stopped to consider that it may not be external circumstances, but certain habits that could be fueling these negative emotions?

Yes, it’s a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

In this article, we’re going to dig deep into those habits that might be keeping you stuck in a cycle of bitterness and resentment.

I’ll share with you some of the habits I discovered in my own journey, and how addressing them can help to lighten your emotional load.

So if you’re ready to move towards a more peaceful and positive outlook on life, keep reading. This could be the game-changer you’ve been looking for.

1) You’re holding onto past grudges

When it comes to bitterness and resentment, old grudges can be a significant culprit.

And I know, it’s much easier said than done to let go of past hurts.

But let me tell you, holding onto these grudges is like carrying a backpack filled with rocks — it’s unnecessarily heavy, slows you down, and frankly, it’s exhausting.

Now, consider this: are these grudges truly serving you?

Perhaps they’re offering a false sense of protection or justification for your feelings.

In reality, they’re just shackles keeping you bound to the past and preventing you from moving forward.

This habit of holding onto past grudges can keep you trapped in a cycle of bitterness and resentment.

2) You’re stuck in a comparison trap

Ever heard of the comparison trap? It’s a psychological concept that most of us fall into at some point.

In essence, it’s the habit of comparing our lives to others’. And not just in a “Oh, they have a nice car” kind of way.

I’m talking about deep, self-worth questioning comparisons. The ones that make you feel like you’re constantly falling short or not achieving enough.

And guess what? It’s a one-way ticket to resentment city.

Because when you’re constantly comparing your life to others’, it’s easy to feel bitter about what you perceive as their ‘better’ circumstances.

This comparison is often based on a skewed perception. We see the highlight reel of others’ lives, not their struggles or hardships.

Recognizing this habit and understanding its pitfalls can help you step out of the comparison trap and start appreciating your own journey. After all, everyone is fighting their own battles that we know nothing about.

3) You’re focusing too much on the negative

Linked to the comparison trap is the tendency to focus excessively on the negatives in your life.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes, we actually seek out negative experiences or aspects of our lives to validate our feelings of bitterness and resentment.

This is known as a negativity bias, and it can be incredibly damaging to our emotional wellbeing.

When we’re stuck in this frame of mind, it’s almost like we have on a pair of glasses that only let us see the bad stuff. The good stuff? It just doesn’t register.

This habit of focusing on the negatives can reinforce feelings of bitterness and resentment, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

The more you focus on the negatives, the more bitter and resentful you feel. The more bitter and resentful you feel, the more you focus on the negatives. It’s a vicious cycle.

Breaking free from this negativity bias can be challenging, but it’s a crucial step in overcoming bitterness and resentment.

As Helen Keller wisely stated, ‘Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.’

Shifting your focus towards positive experiences and aspects of your life is essential. 

It’s not a matter of ignoring the negative aspects but of not letting them monopolize your attention.

4) You’re neglecting self-care

Feeling more bitter and resentful when you’re tired, stressed, or run down is no coincidence. Neglecting self-care significantly amplifies negative emotions.

It’s like trying to drive a car with no gas in the tank—when you don’t take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally, it just doesn’t work.

Even if you think you’re too busy or that other things are more important, neglecting self-care sets you up for heightened emotional responses to life’s challenges, leading to increased feelings of bitterness and resentment.

The simple act of taking care of yourself can make a remarkable difference in your overall mood and outlook on life.

Whether it’s taking a walk outside, reading a good book, practicing mindfulness, or simply getting enough sleep — these acts of self-care can help to dispel feelings of bitterness and resentment.

By prioritizing your wellbeing, you create the space for positive emotions to flourish.

5) You’re not setting boundaries

Let’s get real about something: setting boundaries is hard.

But without them, we often end up feeling used, disrespected, and eventually, bitter.

Here are some common signs that you might not be setting healthy boundaries:

• Continuously saying ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’
• Feeling guilty for standing up for yourself
• Taking on responsibilities that aren’t yours
• Allowing people to treat you poorly without consequences

Recognizing these patterns highlights how a lack of boundaries contributes to feelings of bitterness and resentment. Addressing this habit is vital.

6) You’re not addressing your feelings

You’re at a party, and a snide remark ruins your mood. 

You shrug it off on the outside, but inside, you’re seething with resentment.

What do you do? Do you address the issue or bury the feeling and let it fester?

Suppressing negative emotions to avoid confrontation or keep the peace only lets those feelings simmer under the surface.

Ralph Waldo Emerson’s words ring true: ‘For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.’

Addressing your emotions as they arise is crucial to preventing them from growing into deeper resentment.”

7) You’re lacking perspective

Imagine you’re stuck in traffic, late for an important appointment. Your stress levels are through the roof, and you’re feeling incredibly frustrated.

Do you start to feel bitter towards the other drivers? Do you resent the situation, thinking “Why does this always happen to me?”

Now, what if I told you that the same situation could be viewed differently?

Lacking perspective is a habit that can lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment.

When we’re stuck in our own viewpoint, it’s easy to feel like the world is against us.

But often, it’s not the situation itself that’s causing these feelings, but how we choose to perceive it.

Could you perhaps use the time stuck in traffic to listen to a podcast or just take a few deep breaths?

Could this be an opportunity for patience rather than a cause for frustration?

Changing your perspective can be a powerful tool in managing bitterness and resentment.

It allows you to see situations from different angles and helps you realize that not everything is as bad as it may initially seem.

Embracing change for a more positive life

Now that you’re aware of these seven habits contributing to feelings of bitterness and resentment, the next step is learning how to let go of them.

This involves embracing change and embarking on a journey toward self-improvement.

Keep in mind that change doesn’t happen overnight. It requires time, patience, and consistent effort.

Be kind to yourself during this process. Strive for gradual progress rather than perfection.

Begin by focusing on one habit at a time. Attempting to change everything at once can be overwhelming and counterproductive.

Choose one habit to work on first and create a plan for how to address it.

Embrace the power of positivity. As you work on breaking these habits, cultivate a positive mindset. Concentrate on your progress, celebrate your successes, and remind yourself of the positive changes you’re making in your life.