If you really want to be a kinder person in life, say goodbye to these 8 subtle habits

Being kind — it’s a virtue we all aspire to, but it’s more than just saying nice things or holding the door open for someone.

Being truly kind involves understanding our actions, their intentions, and how they affect those around us.

I’ve had moments where I thought I was doing everything right, only to realize I was unintentionally hurting someone. It’s humbling, but it’s also an opportunity to grow.

The truth is, kindness is as much about unlearning subtle, toxic behaviors as it is about embracing positive ones.

Let’s take a closer look at eight habits you might not even realize are holding you back from being the kindest version of yourself—and why it’s time to let them go.

1) Being quick to judge

In the journey towards kindness, a common hurdle is our tendency to judge others prematurely.

It’s easy to fall into this trap. After all, our brains are wired to make quick assessments based on limited information.

But here’s the catch: these snap judgments often miss out on the whole picture and can lead us to treat others unfairly.

Consider this: have you ever formed an opinion about someone based on a single interaction or even a rumor? I know I have.

Moving past this habit isn’t about suppressing your thoughts or lying to yourself. It’s about taking a step back and giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Don’t let your first impression be your only impression. Be patient, be open, and most importantly, be kind.

Remember, we’re all a work in progress. And if you’ve recognized this habit in yourself, that’s already a step towards being a kinder person.

2) Being a slave to negativity bias

Have you ever heard of the term ‘negativity bias‘?

It’s a psychological phenomenon where we tend to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones. A stray negative comment can throw off our whole day, while a dozen compliments barely register.

Sound familiar?

It’s a common habit we all have, and it’s deeply ingrained in our brains. But here’s the good news: being aware of this bias is half the battle won.

Switching our focus from the negatives to the positives doesn’t mean ignoring problems or wearing rose-tinted glasses. It’s about giving equal weightage to all experiences.

Next time when someone does something that irks you, remind yourself of the times they’ve been there for you, or made you smile.

By doing so, you not only become more understanding but also kinder in the process.

3) Being too positive

Now, this might sound counter-intuitive, especially after discussing the negativity bias. But, hear me out.

While focusing on the positives is a good habit, being too positive can sometimes hamper your journey towards kindness. How so?

Well, sometimes our desire to keep things positive can make us dismiss or overlook other people’s struggles.

For example, when someone shares a problem with us, we might be quick to say things like “Look at the bright side” or “It could’ve been worse”.

While our intentions might be to uplift them, what it does is invalidate their feelings and experiences.

Being kind means acknowledging and validating others’ feelings, even if they’re negative. It’s about providing a safe and empathetic space for them to express themselves.

Don’t be afraid of negativity. Embrace it, understand it, and then help work through it. This is true kindness.

4) Not practicing active listening

Have you ever had a conversation where you felt the other person was just waiting for their turn to speak? We’ve all been there, right?

Active listening is more than just hearing the words someone is saying. It’s about being fully present in the conversation, showing genuine interest, and responding in a thoughtful way.

But often, we’re so caught up in our own thoughts or in crafting our response that we forget to actually listen.

This can make the other person feel unheard and unimportant, which is the opposite of being kind.

So, how can we practice active listening?

Start by clearing your mind during a conversation. Focus on what the other person is saying, not on what you’re going to say next.

Show them that you’re engaged with non-verbal cues, like nodding or maintaining eye contact.

Remember, the kindest thing you can do for someone is to make them feel heard and understood. And active listening is a powerful way to do just that.

5) Holding onto grudges

Holding grudges — it’s something that many of us do, often without realizing.

Grudges are like heavy weights that we carry around, and they can prevent us from being kind to ourselves and others. Let’s be real, it’s hard to extend kindness when you’re consumed by resentment or anger.

Here are some common signs that you’re holding a grudge:

• You replay past arguments or incidents in your head.
• You feel a sense of bitterness or resentment when you think about a certain person.
• You avoid interacting with someone because of a past conflict.

Letting go of grudges doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning someone’s wrongdoings. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment.

Remember, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. And it’s an essential step towards becoming a kinder person.

6) Neglecting self-kindness

Self-kindness — it’s something I’ve struggled with and I know many of you can relate.

Often, in our pursuit of being kind to others, we forget to extend that same kindness to ourselves. We hold ourselves to impossible standards and beat ourselves up over the smallest mistakes.

But let me tell you something: you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Being kind to yourself isn’t about being selfish or complacent. It’s about recognizing your worth, accepting your flaws, and giving yourself the same compassion you extend to others.

We need to understand that it’s okay to make mistakes, to have bad days, to not be perfect.

So, let’s start practicing self-kindness. Let’s treat ourselves with the same understanding and patience we offer others.

7) Not setting healthy boundaries

Imagine this: your friend asks you for a favor but you’re already swamped with work. You want to say no, but you end up agreeing because you don’t want to disappoint them. Sound familiar?

Setting healthy boundaries is an important aspect of kindness that often gets overlooked.

But why is it so hard for us to say no? Why do we often agree to things at the expense of our own well-being?

It’s because we equate saying no with being unkind or selfish. But that’s far from the truth.

Setting boundaries is about respecting your own needs and limitations. It’s about understanding that you can’t be there for everyone all the time.

And here’s the thing: people who respect and care for you will understand your boundaries.

So, next time you find yourself in a similar situation, ask yourself: Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to or because I’m afraid of saying no?

8) Not embracing empathy

And here we are, at the final point, which is arguably the most important: empathy.

Simply put, empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeing the world from their perspective.

Without empathy, kindness is just an act. It’s empathy that adds depth to our kindness and makes it genuine.

When we empathize with others, we not only understand their feelings but also respond in a caring and supportive manner.

So, if there’s one piece of advice I can give you on your journey towards kindness, it’s to cultivate empathy.

What kind of person do you want to be?

As we wrap up this journey, it’s time to reflect on the kind of person we aspire to be.

Being kind is more than just a trait. It’s a way of life. And it’s something that we actively choose to be, every single day.

Here are some questions for self-reflection:

• What does kindness mean to you?
• How do you want to show kindness in your everyday life?
• What changes are you willing to make to become a kinder person?

These aren’t easy questions, but they’re important ones.

The journey towards kindness is a continuous one. It requires patience, understanding, and most importantly, self-love.

Remember, every step you take towards being a kinder person is a step towards a better world. Because kindness has the power to create ripples of positivity and love.

So, let’s choose to be kind. Let’s choose to make a difference. Because in the end, that’s what truly matters.