Ever stop to wonder if the people around you are pulling you forward or dragging you down?
The truth is, that the company we keep has a profound impact on our mindset, habits, and overall life direction. As author Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Today, we dive into eight toxic behaviors that, if you recognize them in your friends, might be a wake-up call.
How many do you see in your circle?
Let’s find out.
1) They’re always negative
Life’s not always sunshine and rainbows, but that doesn’t mean we need to be surrounded by negativity.
Friends should lift you up, not pull you down.
If you find that a friend is constantly negative, always complaining, and never seems happy for your accomplishments, it’s a sign that they might not be the best influence on your life.
Research has shown that negativity is contagious. And it can quickly drain your energy and leave you feeling down and out.
Try talking to them about their behavior. If nothing changes, it could be time to distance yourself and start looking for friends who will bring positivity into your life.
2) They don’t respect your boundaries
I used to have a friend who would constantly push past my boundaries. At first, I didn’t think much of it—whether it was showing up unannounced or expecting me to drop everything to help him out, I figured that’s just what friends do.
But over time, I started feeling drained and resentful.
As Dr. Jennifer Verdolin put it so well in a recent Psychology Today post, “Boundaries are crucial for protecting ourselves physically, emotionally, and mentally.”
When someone in your life repeatedly ignores those boundaries, it’s a clear sign of disrespect—and trust me, it only gets worse the longer you tolerate it.
True friends understand and respect your limits. If they don’t, it’s time to reconsider their place in your life.
3) They’re overly competitive
There’s nothing wrong with a little friendly competition, but when it crosses the line into everything becoming a rivalry, it can really wear you down.
A friend who constantly has to “outdo” you—whether it’s in work, personal achievements, or even small things—can make the relationship feel draining.
Instead of being happy for your wins, they’re quick to point out how they’ve done better, or how you could have done more. It stops being about support and starts being about comparison.
Overly competitive behavior doesn’t just create tension, it also undermines the trust and encouragement that true friendships are built on. Friends should uplift each other, not turn every moment into a competition.
4) They’re not dependable
Do you have a friend who always seems to flake on plans last minute? Or one who says they’ll be there when you need them, but somehow always has an excuse when the time comes?
It’s frustrating, right? A lack of dependability can make you question whether the friendship is worth your time and energy.
As noted by Dr.Suzanne Degges-White, a licensed licensed counsellor, dependability is a key trait of a good friend. It’s not just about showing up when things are easy—it’s about being there when it matters most.
Life is challenging enough without having to wonder if your friends will have your back.
5) They don’t listen
Have you ever felt like you’re talking to a wall? That no matter what you say, your words just aren’t getting through?
I’ve been there.
I had (yes, had!) a friend who would always turn the conversation back to herself. I’d share something that was bothering me and before I knew it, we’d be knee-deep in her problems. It was as if my feelings didn’t matter.
Listening is an act of love. It’s about giving your time and attention to someone else. If your friend can’t offer you that basic courtesy, it’s a sign of a deeper issue.
6) They’re constantly critical
Constructive criticism from a friend can be beneficial. It can help us grow and improve. But there’s a difference between constructive criticism and constant criticism.
If your friend is always finding fault with what you do, or they never miss an opportunity to point out your mistakes, it can be damaging to your mental health.
This is well backed up by research. For instance, researchers of one study found that “Those who received destructive criticism reported greater anger and tension.” Anger and tension are not what good friends bring to your life!
A good friend should be your cheerleader. They should encourage and support you, not make you feel small.
7) They always keep score
This one is a big red flag in any friendship.
You know the type—they’re constantly reminding you of every favor they’ve done, every time they’ve helped, and every time you haven’t.
I had a friend like this who would always bring up things she’d done for me, almost like she was tallying up points in her head. It made me feel guilty anytime I couldn’t return the favor immediately. Instead of acts of kindness coming from a place of generosity, they started to feel like obligations I owed.
Friendship is about give and take, but it shouldn’t be a running tally of who’s done more. Keeping score undermines the trust and balance in a relationship.
Real friends help each other without expecting something in return.
8) They make you feel drained
The most telling sign that you need to find better friends is how you feel after spending time with them.
Do you constantly feel drained, emotionally exhausted, or just plain unhappy? If so, it’s definitely time to reassess that friendship.
You should leave interactions with friends feeling energized, uplifted, and valued. If instead, you feel worn out and depleted, it’s a clear sign that the relationship is not serving you well.
Final thoughts: It’s about self-respect
In the end, friendships are supposed to add value to your life, not take away from it.
If any of these toxic behaviors sound all too familiar, it’s a clear sign that some of the people in your circle might be dragging you down instead of lifting you up.
It’s not easy to distance yourself from people you’ve been close to, but sometimes, it’s necessary for your own growth and happiness. You deserve friends who are positive, dependable, supportive, and who respect your boundaries.
What would Jesus say?
Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?
Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.
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