If you recognize these 7 behaviors, your relationship is more toxic than you think

Relationships should be safe havens, not battlefields. But sometimes, we’re too close to see what’s really going on.

In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve seen it all. And I’m here to tell you that there are seven behaviors that scream “toxic!” 

Today, we’re going to delve into these red flags. They may be subtle. They may be glaring. But once you see them, you can’t unsee them.

And that’s the first step to reclaiming your happiness and peace of mind.

Let’s get started. 

1) Frequent criticism

We all have our flaws, and constructive criticism can be a healthy part of any relationship.

But when criticism becomes a constant, it’s time to take notice.

Frequent criticism can be subtle – a sarcastic comment here, a dismissive look there. Or it can be glaringly obvious – outright verbal attacks or constant nitpicking.

Regardless of the form it takes, constant criticism is damaging. As put by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist John Kim, “If your partner consistently brings you down, criticizes you, or creates a hostile environment, it can have a profound impact on your emotional well-being.”

This isn’t about helping you grow or improve – it’s about control and belittlement.

No one should feel constantly criticized in a relationship that’s supposed to be loving and supportive.

2) Overly kind gestures

Now, this might sound a bit counterintuitive. Shouldn’t we want our partners to be kind and caring?

Absolutely, but there’s a limit to everything.

Overly kind gestures can sometimes be a mask for controlling behavior in a relationship. This is especially true if these gestures are often followed by expectations of reciprocation or are used as excuses for bad behavior.

For example, if your partner showers you with extravagant gifts or surprise trips but uses those as leverage in arguments or as a way to guilt you into something, that’s not genuine kindness. That’s manipulation.

It’s also worth noting if these grand gestures often coincide with times when you’ve expressed dissatisfaction with the relationship or after an argument. It could be an attempt to distract you from the real issues at hand.

So yes, while kindness is crucial in any relationship, it’s essential to examine the intent behind the actions. If it feels like love bombing rather than genuine love, it might be more toxic than you think.

3) You’re constantly walking on eggshells

In a healthy relationship, you should feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and feelings without the fear of setting off a landmine.

However, in a toxic relationship, people often find themselves constantly walking on eggshells, trying to avoid triggering their partner’s anger or upset.

This type of behavior can be draining and emotionally exhausting.  You may start to question your own judgment and lose confidence in expressing your feelings or standing up for yourself.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into this topic further, discussing how such dynamics are often reflective of codependency in a relationship.

But for now, just know that it’s not normal to feel like you’re tiptoeing around your partner all the time. It’s a glaring sign that there’s something toxic brewing in your relationship.

4) Lack of emotional support

One of the key aspects of a healthy relationship is emotional support. Your partner should be the one person you can lean on when times get tough, and vice versa.

When this sort of support is lacking, it’s an issue. What do I mean by lacking?

Well, you might find that your partner dismisses your feelings or belittles your problems. Or perhaps they’re emotionally unavailable when you need them the most.

These actions can leave you feeling isolated and alone, even when you’re in a relationship.

In my own experiences and those I’ve guided through my work, I’ve seen how devastating this lack of support can be. It’s not just about being there physically; it’s about empathy, understanding, and emotional availability.

Without these elements, a relationship can quickly turn toxic.

5) Your personal growth is stifled

This is a huge one that’s so often overlooked. 

One of the most beautiful things about being in a healthy relationship is that it nurtures personal growth. Your partner should be your cheerleader, encouraging you to pursue your dreams and explore your interests.

But sadly, this is often not the case. 

You might find that your partner discourages your pursuits or even tries to control or limit them. This can leave you feeling trapped and prevent you from reaching your full potential.

I’ve seen this play out time and time again in the relationships I’ve helped navigate. It’s heartbreaking to see someone’s passion dwindle because their partner doesn’t support their growth.

A loving relationship should give you wings to fly, not clip them. 

6) There’s more conflict than peace

Do you find yourself frequently arguing over the same issues, or perhaps every little thing turns into a big fight?

This can create an environment of constant tension and stress, which is far from healthy.

Through my years of experience in helping couples navigate their relationships, I’ve learned that an atmosphere of constant conflict is not just draining; it’s damaging to your emotional health.

This is well backed up by research, too. Renowned researcher John Gottman, for instance, found that happy, stable marriages have five or more positive interactions for every negative one.

Is that ratio out of balance in your relationship? It might be time to take notice. 

If you’d like to learn more about how to manage conflict in your relationship and other related topics, I invite you to follow my Facebook page. You’ll get my latest articles directly in your feed, offering you insights and advice on all things love and relationships.

7) You feel drained, not fulfilled

At the end of the day, your relationship should bring you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of belonging.

If every interaction leaves you feeling drained, emotionally exhausted, or even depressed, it’s a distressing sign. 

Relationships involve work, sure. But they shouldn’t feel like a never-ending uphill battle.

No one deserves to be in a relationship that constantly drains them. You deserve love, respect, and happiness.

Time for self-reflection

Recognizing toxic patterns in your relationship is a tough pill to swallow.

It stirs up a whirlwind of emotions – confusion, anger, sadness, and even denial. But as hard as it may be, it’s an essential step towards nurturing healthier relationships. 

It’s crucial to remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many have walked this path before and emerged stronger at the other end.

As the wise Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.” By recognizing these toxic patterns, you’re bringing them into your consciousness and taking control of your fate.