If you recognize these 8 signs, someone is being “fake nice” to you

When someone smiles at you, it’s easy to think they’re being friendly—a compliment, and you’d assume they’re genuine.

Well, it’s not always that simple!

We’ve all encountered people who seem friendly on the surface but leave us wondering if their kindness is genuine. 

The reality is, the human psyche is a labyrinth that isn’t always straightforward to navigate—some folks have mastered the art of “fake niceness” and it takes a keen eye to see through the act!

Recognizing the difference between true warmth and superficial politeness can help you navigate relationships more effectively.

Luckily, there are 8 telltale signs you can watch out for; so let me guide you through them:

1) Overcompensation is their game

Ever noticed how some people seem to try a little too hard?

It’s like they’re constantly on the edge, trying to win you over with their excessive praises and seemingly perfect behavior.

But here’s the thing: genuine people are naturally themselves, they don’t feel the need to overcompensate.

Those who are “fake nice” often give themselves away by doing just this.

It honestly feels like they’re performing rather than genuinely interacting—authenticity doesn’t require a performance!

2) Their words and actions don’t align

I remember this one time I had a colleague who would always greet me with the warmest smile and the friendliest “Good morning”.

But when it came to actually supporting me in work tasks or being there when I needed help, they were nowhere to be found.

They would promise to help out on projects, only to disappear when the actual work started, or they would share words of encouragement, but their actions spoke a different language.

If someone’s words are all sunshine and rainbows, but their actions feel like a thunderstorm, it’s a clear sign that their niceness might not be as genuine as it seems!

3) They’re only nice when they need something

All of us have come across someone who suddenly becomes the epitome of kindness and generosity when they need a favor.

It’s like they’ve turned on a switch, and suddenly, you’re their best friend!

But what’s fascinating is this behavior is not just limited to humans; according to a study published on Research Gate, even animals—like capuchin monkeys—exhibit this kind of ‘strategic kindness’ when they want something!

In the experiment, two capuchin monkeys were given a small amount of stones to use as tokens; these ‘tokens’ were to be used as a form of currency to trade treats—cucumbers and grapes—with the scientists.

However, the treats were already assigned to each monkey—with Monkey A getting the cucumbers, while Monkey B gets the grapes.

As the experiment went underway, Monkey A started showing signs of frustration as they wanted to have grapes instead of cucumbers; no matter which stone or how many stones they would give, they would always be handed a cucumber. This causes Monkey A to throw a mild tantrum, with Monkey B casually enjoying their grapes.

Someone may start showering you with gifts or positive comments, expecting something grand in return; once they start to realize that they won’t be getting anything they want from you, it’s better to expect that they’d turn on you in a snap!

4) They’re all about the superficial

Deep and meaningful conversations? Not their cup of tea!

People who are “fake nice” usually stick to surface-level interactions; they’ll talk about the weather, the latest celebrity gossip, or some random fact, but they steer clear of anything that requires genuine emotional investment.

It’s as if they’ve built a wall around themselves that stops them from sharing their true thoughts and feelings—and this wall doesn’t let in anything deeper than casual chit-chat!

5) They’re seldom truly present

In my experience, I’ve noticed that those who are genuinely nice are also genuinely present; they listen, they engage, and they connect on a deeper level.

On the other hand, I’ve found that “fake nice” people often seem to be elsewhere, even when they’re right in front of you.

They might nod and smile, but their eyes are often vacant, their attention elsewhere.

In conversations with them, I’ve felt like I’m speaking to an empty shell rather than a person.

Their responses seem rehearsed and their engagement feels forced.

If you notice that someone’s physical presence doesn’t match their emotional presence, it’s possible that their niceness is less than genuine.

6) They’re overly agreeable

You might think that someone who agrees with everything you say is being nice—but, in all actuality, this could be a sign of insincerity.

Real people have real opinions, and they’re not afraid to voice them, even if it means disagreeing with you.

Those who are “fake nice” often avoid conflict at all costs—they’d rather agree with everything you say than risk a disagreement.

This, however, doesn’t foster genuine connection; it only creates an illusion of harmony.

7) They’re quick to flatter

Who doesn’t love a good compliment? But when they come too frequently and feel too perfect, it’s worth taking a second look.

“Fake nice” people often use flattery as a tool to win you over.

Their compliments, though pleasing to the ear, often lack depth and sincerity.

It’s as if they’re reading from a script, saying what they think you want to hear rather than expressing genuine admiration.

8) Their niceness is inconsistent

Ultimately, the most telling sign of “fake nice” is inconsistency.

Genuine people are consistently kind and considerate, regardless of the situation or the people they’re interacting with.

On the other hand, those who are “fake nice” can switch their behavior on and off like a light switch depending on who they’re dealing with or what they stand to gain.

Remember, true kindness isn’t selective.

If someone’s niceness seems to appear and disappear based on circumstances, it’s a strong indication that their niceness might be a performance rather than a personality trait!

Recognizing the genuine from the fake

After journeying through these eight signs, let’s remember that humans are complex creatures, capable of both sincerity and pretense—and, while it’s important to be aware of those who might be “fake nice”, it’s equally important not to let this knowledge jade us!

The world is full of authentic people who radiate genuine warmth and kindness.

As American author and motivational speaker, Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, “Our intention creates our reality.”

Those with true kindness aim not to manipulate but to connect and uplift, often making the world better.

Let’s use this understanding to recognize and appreciate authenticity; in a world where you can be anything, choose to be genuine!

What would Jesus say?

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Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham, based in Auckland, writes about the psychology behind everyday decisions and life choices. His perspective is grounded in the belief that understanding oneself is the key to better decision-making. Lucas’s articles are a mix of personal anecdotes and observations, offering readers relatable and down-to-earth advice.

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