If you recognize these 10 signs, you aren’t as free as you think you are (says a psychologist)

It’s easy to believe we’re free birds, flying wherever our hearts lead us. But are we really as free as we think?

Take it from a psychologist: sometimes, our perceived freedom is just an illusion.

It’s cloaked in routines, expectations, and subtle influences that shape our behavior without us even realizing.

Identifying these hidden chains isn’t always straightforward.

That’s why I’ve put together a list of ten telltale signs that you might not be as free as you think you are.

So, if you’re ready to face some hard truths and reclaim your freedom, keep reading.

1) You’re constantly seeking validation

Let’s face it: we all want a pat on the back, a thumbs up, or an affirming nod now and then.

But when this desire for validation becomes a constant thirst, it can be a clear sign that you aren’t as free as you might think.

Underneath this need for approval often lurks the fear of rejection or the dread of not fitting in.

And these fears can lead us to make decisions based on what others might think rather than what we truly want.

In the words of renowned psychologist, Carl Rogers, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

If you’re constantly hinged on other people’s opinions and judgments, then your ability to learn, grow, and – most importantly – change, becomes stifled.

2) You often feel guilty for taking time off

We’ve all been there. You finally take a day off work, but instead of enjoying it, you’re wracked with guilt.

Every moment you’re not being ‘productive’, you feel like you’re wasting time.

I remember a time when I felt exactly this way. It was a beautiful sunny day and I had planned to spend it reading in the park.

But instead of enjoying the novel, I found my thoughts drifting back to my work, the chores waiting at home, and the guilt started creeping in.

This incessant need to be productive can be a sign that you’re not as free as you think.

It’s a form of self-imposed pressure that stems from societal expectations and norms.

True freedom is the ability to rest without feeling guilty and to understand that taking time for yourself is not just okay, but necessary.

3) You’re afraid to say ‘No’

This one hits close to home. There was a time when I just couldn’t bring myself to say ‘No’ – to friends, family, even colleagues.

I’d end up overcommitted, exhausted, and resentful.

If you find yourself saying ‘Yes’ when you really want to say ‘No’, it’s a clear sign that you’re not as free as you think.

You’re allowing the fear of displeasing others or missing out to control your actions.

Freedom isn’t just about having choices – it’s also about having the courage to make those choices without fear of reprisal or disapproval.

So if you’re constantly saying ‘Yes’ out of fear, it’s time to re-examine your freedom.

4) You’re constantly comparing yourself to others

I remember a time when I’d scroll through social media feeds, only to be left feeling inadequate.

The seemingly perfect lives of others made me question my own accomplishments.

If you find yourself constantly comparing your life, your achievements, or even your appearance to others, you aren’t as free as you might think.

This comparison trap can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment, and it’s a clear sign that you’re allowing others to dictate your self-worth.

True freedom is realizing that the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. 

5) You’re always busy

In our society, being busy is often seen as a badge of honor.

It supposedly shows that you’re important, in-demand, successful.

But let me tell you, I’ve been there – constantly rushing from one task to another, no time to breathe, let alone think.

And it didn’t feel like success. It felt like a trap.

If you’re always busy and can’t seem to find any downtime, it’s a sign that you aren’t as free as you think.

Being constantly occupied might seem like an indication of productivity or importance, but it could actually be a mechanism to avoid dealing with deeper issues.

The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

If you’re always preoccupied with tasks and chores, you might be avoiding the introspection necessary for personal growth and freedom.

Having the time and space to look within is what makes you truly free. 

6) Your happiness depends on external factors

If your happiness relies heavily on external factors – like material possessions, the approval of others, or specific outcomes – then you might not be as free as you think.

True freedom comes from finding happiness within ourselves, regardless of our external circumstances.

But if you find your mood fluctuating with every small change in your environment or situation, it signifies a lack of emotional freedom.

If our happiness hinges on external factors, we’re not really solving our existence problem; we’re merely outsourcing it.

Freedom means owning your happiness and not permitting external circumstances to dictate it. 

7) You’re not living in alignment with your values

I recall a time in my life when I found myself constantly at odds with my actions.

On reflection, I realized that I was living according to what I thought I ‘should’ do, rather than what aligned with my personal values.

If you’re living a life that’s out of sync with your core values, it’s a strong indication that you’re not as free as you think.

You might be conforming to societal norms, parental expectations, or peer pressure, instead of living true to yourself.

Living in alignment with our values requires responsibility – it requires us to be accountable for our actions and decisions.

Living life on your own terms, based on your values and beliefs—that’s what freedom means.

8) You’re afraid of making mistakes

I’ve been there – paralyzed by the fear of messing up, of looking foolish, of not being perfect.

But let me tell you, living in fear of making mistakes is no way to live.

It’s a clear indicator that you’re not as free as you believe.

This fear can keep us from taking risks, trying new things, and ultimately growing as individuals.

If the fear of making mistakes is holding you back from shaping your own development, it’s a sign that your freedom is compromised.

9) You’re too attached to your comfort zone

Here’s a hard truth: too much comfort can be uncomfortable.

It breeds stagnation, complacency, and fear of change.

I’ve seen it in my own life – clinging to routines and familiarities, avoiding anything that might disrupt the status quo.

True freedom involves embracing change, uncertainty, and the possibility of discomfort.

Why? Because sticking too close to your comfort zone means choosing safety over growth.

10) You’re constantly worrying about the future

I used to spend countless hours worrying about the future. What if this happens? What if that doesn’t happen?

It was exhausting. And I realized, it was stealing my freedom.

If you’re constantly fretting about the future, you’re not as free as you think.

This type of anxiety can keep you from enjoying the present and making the most of your present opportunities.

Worrying excessively about the future can limit our ability to choose and become who we want to be.

True freedom is about living in the moment, making conscious choices, and accepting that the future is uncertain.