If you recognize these 8 signs, you can be way too hard on yourself (without realizing it)

It’s an all too common struggle:

You’re constantly pushing yourself to meet your own high standards, or maybe even the standards set by others. You’re always striving for perfection, and you’re constantly feeling like you’re falling short.

You’ve tried to ease up on yourself, tried to stop the constant self-criticism, but it feels like a losing battle.

Often, it’s not even that noticeable.

You might just find yourself feeling perpetually drained, mentally exhausted, yet unable to put your finger on why. Even if your inner dialogue, intuition or physical cues are screaming at you to ease up, you might still be oblivious.

Here’s how you can tell for sure that you’re being excessively hard on yourself, even if you haven’t realized it yet.

1) Constant feeling of inadequacy

This is one of the most crucial signs of being too hard on yourself.

You might often find yourself battling with feelings of not being good enough, no matter how much effort you put in or how many accomplishments you have under your belt.

It seems like no matter how hard you try, it’s never quite enough. You’re always short of your own expectations and standards.

Maybe you’ve even started questioning your own abilities, wondering if you’re competent enough.

The truth is: being competent or successful doesn’t mean being perfect. It means doing the best you can and recognizing that even the slightest progress is still progress.

If you’re constantly feeling inadequate, it’s a sign that you’re being too hard on yourself. It’s time to give yourself a break and acknowledge your worth and all the good things about you.

2) You’re your own worst critic

Following on from that feeling of constant inadequacy, you might find that you’re always criticizing yourself.

I remember one time when I had been working on a project for weeks. I had poured my heart and soul into it, spending countless nights perfecting every single detail.

When I finally submitted it, instead of feeling proud of myself, I began nitpicking at every little thing I thought I could’ve done better.

Why hadn’t I used a different color scheme? Why hadn’t I spent more time on the design? I completely overlooked the fact that I had done a great job, and instead, focused on what I perceived as my shortcomings.

When you’re your own worst critic, it’s hard to see anything you do as good enough. This constant self-criticism is another sign that you’re being too hard on yourself.

3) You struggle to celebrate your successes

There’s a well-known quote by Albert Einstein that goes, “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”

When I first came across this quote, I was in the midst of a phase where I was working relentlessly, constantly pushing myself to achieve more and more.

Yet, when I did achieve my goals, I spent little time celebrating my successes and instead moved swiftly onto the next task.

Einstein’s words made me pause and reflect. Was I striving for success or was I striving to be of value? The two aren’t mutually exclusive, but they can become skewed when we’re too hard on ourselves.

If you find yourself unable to celebrate your successes, always looking ahead to the next goal without acknowledging your achievements, it might be a sign that you’re being too hard on yourself.

It’s important to take a step back every now and then to appreciate how far you’ve come and celebrate your accomplishments.

After all, they’re well-deserved.

4) You have trouble accepting compliments

Did you know that how we receive compliments can be a reflection of our self-perception?

I found this out when I stumbled upon an article that explained how people who have a negative self-view are more likely to reject or downplay compliments.

Instead of accepting the positive reinforcement, they tend to deflect it, believing they don’t deserve the praise.

For instance, if someone compliments me on a job well done, instead of saying thank you, I might say something like, “Oh, it was nothing. I could have done better.” This isn’t modesty but rather self-deprecation.

Think about it for a minute. Maybe it’s time to start accepting and believing in the positive things others say about you.

5) You constantly compare yourself to others

Living in the age of social media, it’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. Everyone’s life seems so perfect on Instagram or Facebook, and it’s easy to feel like you’re lagging behind.

I’ve found myself scrolling through my feed, admiring friends who’ve landed amazing jobs, taken fabulous vacations, or achieved other milestones that I haven’t yet reached.

Instead of feeling happy for them, I would find myself feeling inadequate and questioning my own accomplishments.

The thing is, everyone’s journey is different. Your path doesn’t have to mirror anyone else’s. So stop comparing yourself and start embracing your own and unique journey. 

6) You rarely allow yourself to relax

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to forget the importance of taking a break.

We’re often caught up in the cycle of constant work and productivity, believing that relaxation and rest are for the weak or lazy.

But here’s the thing, rest is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

There was a time when I was working two jobs, barely sleeping, and always on the go.

Instead of feeling accomplished, I was exhausted, irritable, and burnt out. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to relax and take breaks that I started feeling better and more productive.

Even machines need downtime for maintenance! Don’t deny yourself the rest you deserve.

7) You beat yourself up over small mistakes

We all make mistakes; it’s part of being human. However, how we handle these mistakes can be a telling indicator of whether or not we’re being too hard on ourselves.

Take me, for example. I once sent out an important email with a minor typo. Instead of shrugging it off as a simple mistake, I spent the entire day ruminating over it.

I criticized myself harshly, convinced that one small mistake had ruined my professional image.

But the reality is, everyone makes mistakes. Even the most successful people have slipped up at some point. What’s important is how we learn from these mistakes and move forward.

It’s time to practice a little self-compassion and understand that everyone, including you, is allowed to make mistakes.

8) You neglect your own needs

Last but not least, one of the most telling signs that you’re being too hard on yourself is if you’re constantly prioritizing others’ needs over your own.

I used to be the person who would always say yes, no matter what the request was.

I thought it was the right thing to do, to always put others before myself. But I soon realized that in trying to please everyone else, I was neglecting my own needs and well-being.

It’s vital to understand that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. 

If you find that you’re always putting others first at the expense of your own health and happiness, it’s a big sign that you’re being too hard on yourself.

Start prioritizing your own needs and practicing self-care. After all, you deserve to be taken care of too.

Wrapping up

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, it’s possible that you’ve been a bit too hard on yourself.

But here’s the silver lining – recognizing this is the first step towards change. With a bit of self-awareness and effort, these tendencies can be managed and even turned into strengths.

Start by acknowledging these signs in your daily life. Notice when you’re overly critical of yourself, when you fail to celebrate your accomplishments, or when you neglect your own needs for others.

Then, ask yourself: Is this really fair to me? Does this align with how I want to treat myself?

It’s not going to be an overnight shift. As with any change, it takes time and patience. But every small step you take towards being kinder to yourself is progress.

As the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

So, as you embark on this journey towards self-compassion, remember to be patient with yourself.

Celebrate your small victories and remember that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs.

With time and consistency, you’ll find that being kinder to yourself will not only improve your relationship with yourself but also enhance your overall well-being.