If you recognize these 7 signs, you probably lacked a strong father figure as a child

My mom used to say, “A father is a daughter’s first love and a son’s first hero.”

Sounds pretty profound, right?

But here’s the flip side:

Not everyone was privy to that strong father figure growing up. And it can leave an imprint on you, even if you don’t immediately realize it.

You see, there are certain behaviors, perspectives, and emotional patterns that could be traced back to your childhood.

In this article, we’re going to look at seven telltale signs that might hint towards this lack.

If you recognize these in yourself, then perhaps you didn’t have as strong a paternal influence as you might have needed.

1) Difficulty in forming and maintaining relationships

Here’s one that might hit home.

Ever find yourself struggling to form close relationships? Or perhaps you can make connections, but maintaining them seems like a Herculean task?

This could be a sign.

Without a strong father figure, you might have missed out on seeing a model of healthy interaction and emotional expression. This could make it hard for you to trust others and open up emotionally – critical aspects of any relationship.

But , this doesn’t mean playing the blame game. It’s understanding where you come from, so you can navigate where you’re going.

2) Constant approval-seeking behavior

This is something I personally struggle with.

Growing up, I always felt like I needed to prove myself. Be it in school, at work, or even among friends – I was constantly seeking validation.

It took me a while to realize that this incessant need for approval was rooted in my childhood.

You see, without a strong father figure, I didn’t have that paternal reassurance that I was good enough just as I am.

The absence of such a figure can sometimes leave us constantly seeking approval elsewhere, trying to fill that void.

Recognizing this pattern was the first step for me to break free from it. And trust me, it’s liberating.

3) Fear of conflict and confrontation

Let’s get real for a moment.

Conflicts and confrontations are part of life, right? But for some of us, they’re more than just uncomfortable – they’re downright terrifying.

I used to think everyone felt this way until I realized that not everyone goes into panic mode at the first sign of conflict.

Without a strong father figure, I never learned how to effectively handle disagreements or stand up for myself. Instead, I learned to avoid conflicts at all costs, which often meant suppressing my own feelings or needs.

If you see yourself in this description, know that it’s okay. It’s just a sign of what you’ve been through. And with understanding and effort, it’s something you can overcome.

4) Difficulty expressing emotions

Do you ever feel like your emotions are a wild rollercoaster ride? Or maybe it’s the complete opposite – you feel like you’re trapped in an emotional lockdown, unable to express what you truly feel?

This could be another sign.

Growing up without a strong father figure may have left you unsure of how to properly express your emotions. This may result in emotional outbursts or, on the flip side, bottling up feelings until they become overwhelming.

Understand, it’s okay to feel. And it’s even more okay to express those feelings. It’s all part of the journey to understanding yourself better.

5) Low self-esteem

Here’s something you might not know.

According to a study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology, children who grow up without a strong father figure are more likely to struggle with low self-esteem.

If you’re someone who often questions your worth or abilities, this could be another sign.

Growing up without a strong father figure might have left you without a vital source of encouragement and affirmation. This lack can manifest as self-doubt and a persistent feeling of not being ‘good enough’ in adulthood.

Keep in mind, your worth isn’t defined by your past. It’s defined by who you choose to be now.

6) Overwhelming desire to please

Do you often find yourself bending over backwards to make others happy? Even at the cost of your own happiness or well-being?

You’re not alone.

Many people who lacked a strong father figure as a child develop an overwhelming desire to please others. Possibly, because as children, they yearned for that validation from their absent or distant father.

It’s important to acknowledge that it’s okay to want to make others happy, but not at the expense of your own happiness or self-esteem. You’re deserving of care and kindness, too. Don’t forget that.

7) Fear of abandonment

Fear of abandonment runs deep for those who lacked a strong father figure. The early experience of an absent or emotionally unavailable father can leave a lasting imprint, often leading to a lingering fear of being left or rejected.

This fear can show up in various ways – clinginess in relationships, difficulty trusting others, or even self-sabotage in situations where you might get close to someone.

But here’s the key thing: acknowledging this fear is the first step towards healing. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s certainly one worth taking.

The takeaway

Recognizing these signs is the first step towards healing and growth. It’s about taking that deep dive into self-awareness and acknowledging how your past may have influenced your actions, feelings, and relationships.

This journey isn’t always easy, but it’s important. And you don’t have to walk it alone. Therapy, support groups, or confiding in trusted friends can make a world of difference.

In the end we’re all products of our past but we’re not prisoners to it. You have the power to break free from these patterns and cultivate healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self.

No matter where you come from or what you’ve been through, know this: You are not defined by the absence of a strong father figure. You are defined by your resilience, strength, and the person you choose to become.

Your journey matters. Your healing matters. You matter.