If you recognize these 8 signs, your adult child is walking all over you

As a mom and a relationship expert, I get it—parenting is no walk in the park.

Power struggles? Check. Tears? Oh, plenty. And yes, the tantrums—sometimes from the parents, too!

But here’s the thing: transitioning from raising a child to relating to an adult isn’t always smooth sailing. Suddenly, you’re not sure if you’re still being the supportive parent or if your adult kid is starting to take advantage of your kindness.

It’s a tricky balancing act, but recognizing the signs that your adult child might be crossing the line is a game-changer. That’s where I come in—to help you spot those red flags and take back control of the relationship.

Ready to dive in? Let’s uncover those signs and talk about how you can restore the balance. Because when it comes to family, everyone deserves respect—including you!

1) They’re calling the shots

In a healthy parent-adult child relationship, there’s a give and take. But if you find that your adult child is always at the helm, dictating every decision and plan, it might be a red flag.

It’s one thing to have input – after all, they’re adults now. But it’s another thing entirely to be shouldering all the responsibility or calling all the shots.

This could manifest in different ways, from making unilateral decisions about family gatherings to ignoring your advice or requests consistently.

The key here is to recognize if this has become a pattern. We all have instances where we need to take charge. But if it’s a constant dynamic, where you’re feeling sidelined in your own life, then it’s time to address it.

You’re not just their parent—you’re an individual with your own needs and preferences too. 

2) You’re always the one compromising

As a mom of two, I learned early on that compromise is an essential part of parenting. But as my children grew into adults, I realized that it’s not just about me bending over backwards all the time. They too have to meet me halfway.

If you’re constantly the one compromising – whether it’s your time, your money, or your personal boundaries – it could be a sign that your adult child is walking all over you.

You might notice that they tend to dismiss your opinions or feelings, expecting you to adjust to their needs without them considering yours.

In every relationship, there needs to be a balance between giving and taking. If you find yourself in a one-sided situation all the time, it might be time to have a serious talk with your adult child.

3) They’re creating a dependency

One thing I’ve learned in my years as a relationship expert, and as a parent, is that dependency can be a subtle trap.

If your adult child is always turning to you to solve their problems, pay their bills, or make their decisions, they might be creating a dependency that’s not healthy for either of you.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Helping our children is a natural instinct for us parents. But when help turns into an expectation or dependency, it becomes problematic.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I highlight the importance of setting boundaries and fostering independence in our adult children.

It’s okay to say no sometimes. It’s okay to let them struggle a bit. That’s how they learn to stand on their own two feet. And that’s how we keep our own sanity intact.

4) You’re constantly apologizing

Apologies are important when we’ve genuinely done something wrong. But if you find yourself apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, or for simply expressing your feelings or needs, that’s not a good sign.

Perhaps you’re saying sorry because you’re trying to maintain peace or because your adult child has a way of making you feel like you’re in the wrong when you’re not. Either way, it’s a sign of them exerting control and undermining your confidence.

You have every right to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of retaliation or guilt trips. Your voice matters. Don’t let anyone, even your adult child, make you feel otherwise.

5) You’re feeling emotionally drained

Let me tell you, as someone who juggles being a mom, a relationship expert, and a writer, I know a thing or two about being emotionally drained.

But there’s a difference between the kind of exhaustion that comes from a long day’s work and the kind that’s caused by an unbalanced relationship.

If your interactions with your adult child leave you feeling emotionally depleted, if you’re constantly anxious or stressed due to their actions or demands, it’s a sign that something isn’t right.

Healthy relationships, even those between parents and adult children, should bring joy and enrichment to your life. They shouldn’t be a constant source of distress or anxiety. If they are, it might be time to re-evaluate and make some changes.

6) You’re afraid to upset them

Alright, let me ask you a few questions here. Do you tend to walk on eggshells around your adult child? Are you often afraid to say or do something that might upset them?

If so, then you’re not in a healthy situation.

Yes, we all want to keep the peace. Yes, we all want our kids to be happy. But not at the expense of our own happiness or self-respect.

When you find yourself censoring your words, swallowing your feelings, or avoiding certain topics out of fear of their reactions, it’s a clear sign that they’re walking all over you.

Respect is a two-way street. You have every right to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of backlash or drama. It’s time to reclaim that right.

7) Your needs take a backseat

As parents, we’re conditioned to put our kids’ needs before our own. But there comes a point where you have to ask yourself: “What about me?”

If your needs, whether they’re emotional, physical, or financial, are constantly being pushed aside to accommodate your adult child, it’s a sign that the scales have tipped too far.

The wise Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” It’s a stark reminder that sometimes, we need to prioritize ourselves and not feel guilty about it.

Your needs matter just as much as theirs. And taking care of yourself is not just good for you—it sets a positive example for your adult child, too.

8) You feel taken for granted

Let’s not sugarcoat this. If you’re feeling taken for granted by your adult child, if your efforts and sacrifices are met with indifference or entitlement instead of gratitude, then you’re being walked over.

It’s a bitter pill to swallow. You’ve poured your love, time, and resources into raising them, and to feel unrecognized or unappreciated can hurt deeply.

But here’s the raw truth: You deserve appreciation. You deserve respect. And if you’re not getting that from your adult child, it’s time for a serious conversation. It’s never too late to set boundaries and demand respect.

Wrapping it up

Acknowledging that your adult child may be taking advantage of you is tough, but it’s also empowering. It’s the first step toward redefining your relationship and creating a healthier dynamic where mutual respect can thrive. 

Being a parent doesn’t mean sacrificing your individuality. You’re a person with your own needs, feelings, and boundaries—and those deserve to be honored. Taking steps to reclaim your respect isn’t just okay—it’s necessary for both you and your child to grow. 

For more practical advice on setting boundaries and navigating codependency, take a look at my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s packed with insights to help you regain your confidence and build stronger, healthier connections.

You’re not alone in this journey. It’s never too late to prioritize your well-being and assert the respect you’ve always deserved.