If you recognize these 7 subtle signs, your relationship is suffering from poor communication

We all know communication is key to a healthy relationship, but what if you think you’re communicating well when you’re really not?

As George Bernard Shaw put it, sometimes, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

As a relationship expert, I tend to agree, and I can tell you that the signs of poor communication are often so subtle that they slip by unnoticed—until the problems grow too big to ignore. By then, the damage may already have been done. What signs, you ask?

Well, the ones we will cover today of course. 

Let’s get into ’em. 

1) Conversations feel like a game of charades

We’ve all been there. You say something, and your partner takes it entirely the wrong way. Or perhaps you find yourselves playing guessing games, trying to figure out what the other person is really trying to say.

This isn’t just frustrating; it’s also a sign that you’re not communicating effectively. It’s like you’re speaking different languages, and that can lead to a lot of unnecessary confusion and conflict.

Clear and concise communication is key in any relationship. If you’re having to read between the lines or decode cryptic messages, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate your communication style.

2) Silence isn’t golden anymore

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Silence is golden”.

However, in a relationship, too much silence can be a sign of poor communication.

When I was starting out as a relationship counselor, I had a couple who barely spoke to each other (I’ve had many since, too). They thought that because they weren’t arguing, everything was fine. But silence can sometimes be as damaging as heated words.

There’s a profound quote by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. that goes, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter”. This holds true in relationships as well.

When silence fills the room more often than meaningful conversation, it might be indicating that there are things left unsaid or feelings being suppressed. This can breed resentment and create emotional distance.

3) You’re avoiding tough topics

This is a huge one.

Sometimes, it’s easier to sweep things under the rug than confront them head-on. But, if this becomes a habit, you might be dealing with a serious communication problem.

In my years of counseling couples, I’ve seen that avoidance breeds resentment and misunderstanding. It’s like ignoring an open wound; it won’t heal unless you treat it.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into this issue in detail. I talk about how vital it is to approach difficult topics head-on and how to do it in a respectful and understanding manner.

For now, though, just take note that avoidance might provide temporary relief, but in the long run, it can cause deeper issues in your relationship.

4) You’re talking too much

Now, this might sound counterintuitive, but hear me out. Communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about listening too.

If you’re always dominating the conversation, leaving no room for your partner to speak or share their feelings, then there’s a communication imbalance in your relationship.

It might not seem like a big deal, especially if you’re someone who naturally talks a lot. However, a relationship is a two-way street.

By monopolizing the conversation, you’re inadvertently shutting down any opportunity for your partner to express themselves. This can lead to feelings of being unheard and unappreciated.

Good communication is about balance. Talk, yes, but also make sure to listen. It’s only through truly hearing each other that we can understand and connect on a deeper level.

5) You’re not being honest

Let’s get real here.

Honesty is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. But if you’re constantly holding back, sugar-coating your feelings or outright lying to avoid conflict, it’s a clear sign of poor communication.

It’s not easy to be completely transparent, especially when it involves uncomfortable truths. We often fear that honesty might hurt our partners or disrupt the peace. But the truth is, deceit hurts even more in the long run.

Not being honest leads to a web of lies, confusion, and mistrust. It prevents you from truly understanding each other and can cause significant damage to your relationship.

It’s okay to have uncomfortable conversations as long as they’re respectful and constructive. An honest relationship is a strong one, so don’t shy away from speaking your truth.

6) You’re not expressing appreciation

This might seem trivial compared to other communication issues, but trust me, it’s not.

When was the last time you told your partner how much you appreciate them? Are you struggling to remember? If so, you might have a communication problem.

The famous writer, William Arthur Ward, once said, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” This couldn’t be more true in a relationship.

Appreciation is a form of communication that reinforces love and respect. It makes your partner feel valued and acknowledged. 

7) Technology is getting in the way

In today’s world, we’re more connected than ever—yet, ironically, this can be a major barrier to real communication in relationships.

Enter phubbing, the act of snubbing your partner in favor of your phone.

We’ve all seen it: you’re having dinner together, but instead of talking, one or both of you are scrolling through social media or replying to emails. What seems like harmless multitasking can actually create emotional distance and erode meaningful connections over time.

When technology becomes a third wheel in your relationship, it’s easy to miss out on the moments that truly matter. Those small, seemingly insignificant conversations build intimacy, and if you’re too distracted by your devices, you’re missing opportunities to bond.

The solution?

Set aside tech-free time each day to truly engage with your partner. It’s a small step that can make a big difference in strengthening your communication.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these subtle signs of poor communication is the first step toward strengthening your relationship.

It’s not about assigning blame but about understanding where your communication might be lacking and working together to improve.

Yes, improving communication can feel like a daunting task, but with effort, patience, and understanding, it’s absolutely achievable.