If you want a closer relationship with your children as you get older, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

As parents and children grow older, the dynamics of their relationship naturally evolve.

Building a closer bond during this stage requires effort, understanding, and letting go of certain habits that may create distance.

If your goal is to foster a deeper and more meaningful connection with your children, it’s important to recognize and change behaviors that unintentionally push them away.

Here are eight behaviors to say goodbye to if you want a closer relationship with your children as you get older—and why these changes can make all the difference:

1) Letting go of the need to always be in control

Control is a funny thing.

At times, it’s what helps us keep our sanity in the chaos of life; it allows us to steer our lives in a specific direction, and, when it comes to parenting, it helps us ensure our children are safe and on the right path.

But as your children grow older, too much control can become a barrier.

Why? Well, because young adults are busy figuring out their place in the world.

They’re learning to take charge of their lives and make decisions independently.

When parents hold on to control too tightly, it creates tension and can push them away.

The key lies in finding a balance—you have to learn when to step in and when to step back.

Trust your children’s judgement, let them make their own mistakes, and be there to guide them when they need you.

2) Saying goodbye to the ‘my way or the highway’ attitude

Growing up, my father had a ‘my way or the highway’ attitude—it was his rules, his decisions, his perspective.

There wasn’t much room for negotiation.

As a kid, I didn’t question it much.

But, as I grew older, I started to feel suffocated.

I felt like my voice wasn’t being heard, my opinions weren’t valued, and my individuality was being suppressed—that created a rift between us.

Years later, when I became a parent, I promised myself that I wouldn’t repeat the same mistake.

Yes, I have my views and opinions and, yes, sometimes they conflict with what my children think or want to do—but instead of imposing my views on them, I choose to listen.

I listen to their ideas, their hopes, their fears, and I engage in a conversation rather than dictating what should be done.

We negotiate, we compromise, and we reach decisions together.

This shift in attitude has not only brought me closer to my children but has also allowed them to grow into confident individuals who aren’t afraid to voice their opinions.

3) Ditching the habit of constant criticism

Criticism, while at times necessary, can be like salt—a little bit can bring out the flavor, but too much can ruin the dish.

Research indicates that children who are constantly criticized grow up with lower self-esteem and a higher risk of depression.

It’s because criticism, especially when not constructive, chips away at their confidence and self-worth.

But here’s the thing: We often don’t realize when our constructive feedback turns into constant criticism because we think we’re helping our children improve, but we’re unconsciously damaging their self-worth.

If you want a closer relationship with your children as they grow older, it’s imperative to be mindful of your words.

Offer praise and encouragement more often than criticism.

Highlight their strengths and accomplishments before pointing out their weaknesses or mistakes and, when you do criticize, make sure it’s constructive and balanced with positive feedback.

Your words carry immense power—use them wisely.

4) Breaking free from the ‘fixer’ role

As parents, we naturally want to protect our children from harm and hardship—it’s an instinctive response.

We’ve been their problem solvers, their knights in shining armor, their ‘fixers’ for so long.

But as they grow older, we need to transition from ‘fixer’ to ‘guide’.

Why, you ask? Well, because by constantly solving their problems, we’re actually depriving them of important life lessons.

They need to face challenges, make mistakes, and learn to pick themselves up—that’s how they build resilience and learn to navigate life’s ups and downs.

I’m not suggesting you abandon them in times of trouble but, instead of rushing in to fix everything, provide them with the tools they need to solve the problem on their own.

Guide them and support them, but let them do the heavy lifting.

5) Moving beyond the ‘always right’ persona

There were times when I clung to the ‘I’m always right’ attitude.

I mean, I’ve lived longer, experienced more, so surely my perspective is the correct one, right?

However, over time, I realized this attitude was damaging my relationship with my kids—they felt unheard and invalidated, which led to resentment.

I made a conscious effort to change.

I started acknowledging that I could be wrong, I began to listen more and talk less, and I valued their viewpoints and admitted when they were right or when I didn’t know the answer.

This shift wasn’t easy as it required me to swallow my pride and embrace humility—but it was worth it.

Not only did it improve our communication and deepen our connection, but it also taught my kids a valuable lesson: It’s okay to be wrong and that every viewpoint has value.

6) Letting go of the constant need to advise

Most parents fall into the trap of constantly offering advice.

After all, we have more life experience and wisdom, so it only makes sense to share it with our children, right?

But here’s the twist: Sometimes, our children don’t need our advice and they just need us to listen.

Imagine you’re sharing a problem with a friend and instead of empathizing, they start bombarding you with advice.

Doesn’t feel good, does it? That’s exactly how your children feel.

Of course, there will be times when they seek your advice, and that’s when you step in.

But other times, just lend an ear—show empathy, and just make them feel heard and understood.

By doing so, you’ll make them feel valued and loved, which can significantly strengthen your relationship with them.

7) Abandoning the tendency to compare

We’ve all heard the saying: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Yet, it’s a trap that many of us parents fall into; we compare our children with their siblings, with our friends’ children, or even with ourselves when we were their age.

While we may think that comparing will motivate them to do better or aspire more, it usually does the opposite.

Comparison can breed resentment, damage their self-esteem, and create a wall between you and your children.

It makes them feel like they’re not good enough as they are, which is not a feeling you want your children to harbor.

Instead, celebrate their individuality.

Appreciate their unique skills and talents, and encourage them to be the best version of themselves rather than trying to fit into someone else’s mold.

Every child is unique in their own way—and that’s what makes them special!

8) Releasing the expectation of perfection

This is perhaps the most important point of all: Let go of the expectation of perfection—both for yourself and your children.

No parent is perfect, no child is perfect, and that’s perfectly fine because we all make mistakes.

Rather than striving for perfection, strive for growth, for understanding, and for love.

Remember, your goal isn’t to raise perfect children but to raise kind, resilient, and confident individuals who aren’t afraid to be their authentic selves.

In the end, that’s what truly matters.

Being a parent is a journey, not a destination

If you’ve read this far, hopefully, you’ve understood that parenting is more about connection than control.

Change takes time: Be patient with yourself and your children—there will be challenges, but don’t let them discourage you.

Parenthood is about growing together, learning, and building a bond that lasts; embrace the imperfections, cherish the moments, and love unconditionally.

The goal is not a perfect relationship but a lasting one.

As American author Joyce Maynard wisely put it, “It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us see what we do with ours.”

Let that sink in for a moment…