If you want new people to warm up to you almost immediately, say goodbye to these 5 habits

Ever wonder how some people just seem to have a sort of effortless charm, making friends and connections wherever they go? 

For many of us, connecting with new people doesn’t always feel so natural— it’s easy to think that these folks just have innate skills we can never learn.

However, the truth is that building rapport quickly often has less to do with learning new social skills and more to do with dropping a few unhelpful habits. 

Today, we’re diving into five such habits that might be holding you back from making those instant, meaningful connections. 

Ready to start making a warmer first impression? Let’s get into it.

1) Dominating the conversation

We’ve all met someone like this, haven’t we? The person who just doesn’t know when to stop talking about themselves.

Whether it’s their latest vacation, their kids’ achievements, or that new promotion they got – it’s all about them.

While it’s great to share personal stories and experiences, doing so excessively can come off as self-centered. This can create a barrier between you and the person you’re trying to connect with.

Conversations are a two-way street. It involves talking and listening. If you want new people to warm up to you immediately, say goodbye to dominating the conversation.

Instead, show genuine interest in what others have to say. Ask questions, listen attentively, and respond thoughtfully. You’ll be surprised how quickly people will warm up to you when they feel heard and valued.

2) Checking your phone

When was the last time you found yourself reaching for your phone mid-conversation? 

Be honest. We all do it! The temptation to check our screens is real—and let’s face it, it’s probably by design.

This habit has become so common that it even has a name: phubbing (a mashup of “phone” and “snubbing”). And as you might expect, it’s pretty damaging to our relationships. As noted by researchers, “studies suggest that phubbing triggers negative mood and feelings of ostracism”. Yikes!

At the end of the day, though, we’re responsible for our actions and the attention we give to others. 

Put the phone away. Put it on “Do Not Disturb,” turn it off, or even consider going back to a basic phone that removes the temptation.

Whatever it takes, you’ll find that being fully present helps foster genuine, meaningful connections and your relationships will thank you.

3) Being too serious

I have to admit, this was a tough one for me to overcome. I’ve always been a bit of a serious guy. I focused on getting things done and didn’t really see the point in small talk or light-hearted banter.

But then I noticed something. The people I admired, the ones who seemed to have an easy time connecting with others, they all had one thing in common – they didn’t take themselves too seriously.

They were able to joke around, laugh at themselves, and just enjoy the moment. And people were drawn to them because of it.

It was a bit of an “aha!” moment for me. I realized that being too serious can come off as standoffish or unapproachable. So, I decided to loosen up a bit. I started injecting a bit more fun and humor into my interactions.

And you know what? It made a huge difference. People started to warm up to me more quickly and I found that my conversations became more enjoyable and meaningful.

If you’re like me and tend to be a little too serious, try loosening up a bit. Not only will it help others warm up to you, but you might just find that you enjoy social interactions more too.

4) Negative body language

Communication isn’t just about the words we speak. Our body language plays a huge role too. 

In fact, experts suggest that a whopping 55% of communication is visual (body language, eye contact) and 38% is vocal (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice).

If your body language is closed off or negative – for example, crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or constantly looking around the room – it can give off the impression that you’re disinterested or unfriendly.

On the other hand, positive body language – such as maintaining eye contact, nodding along when someone is talking, and leaning in slightly to show interest – can make others feel more comfortable around you and help to build rapport quickly.

5) Avoiding vulnerability

I’ll be the first to admit, that opening up and showing vulnerability can be scary. It requires letting go of control and taking a risk.

But it’s also one of the most powerful ways to connect with others. As put by author and researcher Brené Brown,  “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”

When I first started my career, I often tried to appear more confident and knowledgeable than I actually felt. I thought that if I showed any signs of uncertainty or doubt, people wouldn’t take me seriously.

But over time, I realized that this approach was actually pushing people away. It was preventing me from forming genuine connections because I wasn’t being my true self.

When I started to let my guard down and share more about my struggles and doubts, something amazing happened. People started to open up to me in return. They shared their own fears and challenges, and our conversations became more meaningful and authentic.

It was a powerful reminder that we’re all human, we all have our struggles, and by sharing them with each other, we can form stronger connections. 

So don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability. It could be the very thing that helps others warm up to you.

The power of change

And there you have it—five habits to let go of if you want to make a warmer, more lasting impression on the people you meet. 

Take a look at these habits in your own life. By making a few small changes, you’ll find that people start to warm up to you more easily, and your interactions will feel richer and more genuine. 

Here’s to more meaningful connections and friendships—enjoy the journey!