If you want to attract better-quality people in life, say goodbye to these 8 unchristian behaviors

There’s a significant difference between simply existing and truly living a life of quality.

This distinction often comes down to the kind of people we surround ourselves with.

Attracting high-quality individuals is not about putting on a facade, but rather, becoming a person of character and integrity.

As a follower of Christ, I can tell you that certain behaviors can be a stumbling block on this path.

In my journey, I’ve found that there are eight unchristian behaviors that can deter quality individuals from our lives.

And if you’re serious about enhancing the caliber of your relationships, it’s time to say goodbye to these habits.

1) Judging others

One prevalent behavior that can deter quality individuals is the act of judging others.

We all have a tendency to assess and form opinions about the people we encounter.

However, this judgment often clouds our ability to connect authentically with others.

In fact, when others sense judgment from us, it creates a barrier to open and honest communication.

It sends a clear message: “I’ve already decided who you are.” And trust me, nobody likes to feel boxed in based on assumptions.

The Bible teaches us not to judge lest we be judged ourselves (Matthew 7:1).

It’s an invitation to approach others from a place of understanding and empathy rather than judgment.

So if you want to attract better-quality people in your life, it’s time to let go of the habit of judging others.

2) Negativity

Another behavior that can push quality people away is constant negativity.

I am speaking from personal experience.

There was a time in my life when I was constantly negative.

I complained about everything, found fault with everyone, and was generally unhappy.

Trust me when I say, it wasn’t a pleasant time.

I found myself surrounded by others who were just as negative, and quality people gradually distanced themselves.

Then one day, a wise friend pulled me aside and held a mirror of my behavior.

It was a tough pill to swallow but it was the wake-up call I needed.

I realized that my negativity was not only affecting me but also the people around me.

I had become a source of negativity in their lives too.

From that point on, I made a conscious effort to change my mindset and approach every situation with positivity and gratitude.

And guess what?

As my attitude changed, so did the people around me.

High-quality individuals started gravitating towards me because they appreciated my positive outlook.

So if you’re stuck in a cycle of negativity, it’s time to break free.

Start focusing on the positive aspects of life and you’ll notice an immediate change in the kind of people you attract.

3) Gossiping

Gossiping can seem like harmless chatter, but it’s actually a significant deterrent to attracting quality people into your life.

When we engage in gossip, we’re essentially broadcasting that we can’t be trusted with confidential information.

It’s no surprise then that quality individuals, who value trust and integrity, would prefer to keep their distance.

Our brains are wired to enjoy gossip.

Hearing gossip about others activates our brain’s reward system.

But as followers of Christ, we’re called to rise above our primal instincts and strive for higher virtues.

Ephesians 4:29 advises us, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

So, if you’re looking to attract better-quality people, make a conscious effort to avoid gossip.

Instead, engage in conversations that uplift others and add value to their lives.

4) Being ungrateful

Gratitude is a cornerstone of a good Christian life.

It helps us see the beauty in everything and keeps us grounded.

However, the lack of it can push quality people away.

When we fail to express gratitude, it can come off as entitlement or unappreciation.

People who consistently give without receiving gratitude can feel taken for granted and may eventually distance themselves.

On the contrary, people are drawn to grateful individuals.

These people radiate positivity and have a way of making others feel valued and appreciated.

So, if you want to attract high-quality people into your life, cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

Make it a point to express your thankfulness for even the smallest gestures.

It not only enriches your relationships but also makes you a better person overall.

5) Lack of forgiveness

Forgiveness is at the heart of Christianity.

It’s a powerful act that showcases our capacity to love unconditionally despite the hurt we’ve experienced.

Yet, holding onto grudges and harboring resentment is a behavior that can deter quality individuals from our lives.

When we refuse to forgive, it’s like wearing a heavy chain around our hearts.

It affects us more than the people who wronged us.

We become bitter and closed off, and this negativity can be felt by those around us.

High-quality individuals appreciate openness and empathy, traits that are often blocked by unresolved anger and resentment.

So, if you truly want to attract better people into your life, learn to forgive.

It doesn’t mean forgetting the wrong or condoning the act.

It means choosing to let go of the pain for your own peace and healing.

6) Not respecting boundaries

Respecting others’ boundaries is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship.

However, crossing these boundaries can push quality individuals away.

There was a time when I didn’t fully grasp the importance of this.

I would often intrude on others’ personal space, not realizing that my actions were causing discomfort.

I would call friends at odd hours, overstep in personal matters, or insist on spending time even when they were busy.

I thought I was being friendly and engaged, but in reality, I was not respecting their boundaries.

Over time, I noticed a pattern.

The friends I overstepped with started to distance themselves.

It was a hard lesson, but it made me understand the importance of respecting personal boundaries.

Now, I make a conscious effort to respect others’ space and time.

I’ve learned to ask for permission before stepping into personal territories and to honor the ‘no’ when it comes.

And the result?

My relationships have considerably improved, and I’ve noticed that I am attracting more quality individuals into my life.

So remember, respecting boundaries is not just about giving space; it’s about showing respect for others’ feelings, needs, and autonomy.

This behavior is highly valued by quality people.

7) Being dishonest

Honesty is a virtue that quality people highly value.

Dishonesty, on the contrary, can be a major turn-off.

When we lie or manipulate the truth, we break the trust others have in us.

It shows that we prioritize our own interests over the feelings and trust of others.

Quality individuals, who believe in authenticity and integrity, are less likely to engage with those who don’t value honesty.

Therefore, if you want to attract better people into your life, strive to be truthful in all your dealings.

Let your yes be yes, and your no be no, as the Bible advises us in Matthew 5:37.

Honesty might not always be the easiest path, but it’s the one that leads to respect and trust – the foundations of any high-quality relationship.

8) Selfishness

At the core of all unchristian behaviors is selfishness.

It’s the root cause of many actions that push quality people away.

When we prioritize our own needs and desires without considering others, it sends a clear message that we don’t value them.

In response, quality individuals, who appreciate mutual respect and consideration, will distance themselves.

The Bible teaches us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

Therefore, if you truly want to attract better-quality people into your life, it’s crucial to let go of selfish behaviors.

Strive to be considerate, understanding, and giving.

These are the traits that quality individuals are drawn to, and they’re also the traits that define a good Christian.

It’s all about love

At the heart of every belief and behavior we’ve discussed, there lies a single, profound principle that holds everything together – Love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 paints a vivid picture of what love is,

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Each behavior we’ve touched upon today contradicts these teachings of love.

When we let go of these unchristian behaviors and embrace the virtues of patience, kindness, humility, truthfulness, and selflessness – we’re essentially choosing to love.

As we choose love in our actions and attitudes, we naturally become beacons attracting quality individuals into our lives.

So as you reflect on these behaviors and the changes you might need to make, remember this: It all boils down to love.

And in the pursuit of attracting better-quality people into your life, let love guide your way.

What would Jesus say?

Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?

Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.

We brought Jesus back to life with the help of AI. Ask your toughest life questions, and Jesus will tell you exactly what to do.

Check it out here.


Mikkel Andrews

Mikkel Andrews

I'm Mikkel Andrews a theology professor currently based in Philippines. I've been walking with Christ ever since I can remember. My life's work is about understanding His teachings and sharing that knowledge. You'll often find me involved in community outreach or curled up with a book on theology, always looking to deepen my faith. When I'm not volunteering or diving into the latest theological texts, I'm writing for Bible Scripture to make spirituality relatable.

Related articles

Most read articles

Get our articles

The latest Move news, articles, and resources, sent straight to your inbox every month.

Scroll to Top