If you want to be a high-quality conversationalist, say goodbye to these 8 phrases

Have you ever left a conversation feeling like you missed an opportunity to truly connect?

Becoming a high-quality conversationalist is more than just mastering the art of talking; it’s about fostering genuine connections and engaging meaningfully with others.

However, certain phrases can inadvertently put up barriers and hinder the flow of a great conversation.

If you’re looking to enhance your conversational skills and make a memorable impression, it’s time to reassess the language you use.

In this article, we’ll explore eight phrases that might be holding you back from being the engaging and thoughtful conversationalist you aspire to be.

1) “You always/You never”

This is a phrase that can instantly put anyone on the defensive, creating unnecessary tension in your conversation.

By starting a sentence with “You always” or “You never”, you’re making a sweeping generalization about someone’s behavior, which is rarely accurate and often unfair.

For example, if you say, “You never listen to me!”, you’re not only accusing the other person of constantly ignoring you, but you’re also dismissing any instances where they have listened.

This can make them feel attacked and undervalued.

Instead of resorting to this hyperbole, try addressing the specific situation or behavior that’s bothering you.

Saying something like, “I felt unheard when I was talking about my day earlier,” is much more effective.

It’s specific, it’s about your feelings (so it’s harder to argue with), and it doesn’t generalize their behavior.

Being a high-quality conversationalist involves being respectful and mindful of the other person’s feelings.

Taking the time to express your thoughts in a considerate manner will go a long way in enhancing your conversation skills.

2) “I know exactly how you feel”

While this may seem like a phrase of empathy, it can actually be quite dismissive.

When you say, “I know exactly how you feel,” you’re assuming that your experiences and feelings align perfectly with the other person’s. This can unintentionally belittle their unique experience and emotions.

Even if you’ve been through a similar situation, remember that each person’s emotions and reactions are different.

Instead of claiming to know exactly how they feel, try saying something like, “That sounds really tough, can you tell me more about what you’re going through?”

This shows that you’re genuinely interested in understanding their experience and feelings, rather than assuming you already do.

Being open to understanding others’ unique experiences can make your conversations more meaningful and impactful.

3) “But at least…”

This phrase, while usually well-intentioned, can inadvertently minimize someone’s feelings or experiences. It’s often used to try and find a silver lining in a difficult situation.

For instance, if someone is upset about losing their job, saying “But at least you have more time for yourself now,” can come off as dismissive and insensitive.

The human brain processes negative information more thoroughly than positive information.

This means that when someone is dealing with a challenging situation, trying to offset it with positivity may not be as helpful as we think.

Instead, acknowledging the difficulty of the situation and expressing your support can be more beneficial.

Something like, “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Is there anything I can do to help?” shows empathy and offers tangible support, which promotes a deeper and more meaningful conversation.

4) “It’s not a big deal”

When we use this phrase, we often mean it as a way to comfort and reassure. However, it can inadvertently belittle someone’s feelings or experiences.

What might not seem like a big deal to you could be significant to someone else.

Instead, try to tune into the other person’s feelings and validate their experience. You might say, “I can see this is really important to you” or “I can see how that would be upsetting.”

This way, you’re acknowledging their feelings without making judgments or minimizing their experience.

Good conversation hinges on mutual respect and understanding.

By validating others’ feelings and experiences, you’re fostering an environment of empathy and respect, which are key ingredients for meaningful communication.

5) “No offense, but…”

Most of us have used this phrase at some point, intending it as a buffer before saying something potentially hurtful or controversial.

But let’s be honest, rarely does a kind or constructive comment follow “No offense, but…”.

In reality, this phrase often comes across as insincere and can set a negative tone for the rest of the conversation.

Instead of using this as a precursor to criticism or a controversial opinion, try to frame your thoughts in a constructive and respectful manner.

For instance, instead of saying “No offense, but I don’t like your outfit”, you might say “I loved the way you styled your clothes yesterday. Have you thought about trying something similar today?”

This way, you’re providing constructive feedback while also showing respect for the other person’s choices.

6) “That’s easy, just…”

This phrase may seem harmless, but it can unintentionally diminish the struggles or challenges someone else is facing.

For instance, I once told a friend who was struggling with a project, “That’s easy, just do this and this,” thinking I was being helpful.

However, what seemed easy to me was not necessarily easy for my friend. By saying “That’s easy, just…”, I unintentionally dismissed their struggle and possibly made them feel inadequate.

A better approach would be to offer help or advice in a more empathetic way.

Instead of suggesting that something is easy, you could say, “I can see why you’re finding this challenging. Would you like some help or suggestions?”

This acknowledges their struggle and offers support without belittling their experience.

7) “Should have, could have, would have”

We’re all guilty of using these phrases from time to time, usually when we’re discussing missed opportunities or past mistakes.

However, dwelling on the past can create a negative atmosphere in your conversation and prevent you from moving forward.

Living in the world of “should have, could have, would have” is not productive. It’s a conversation about the past, not the present or the future.

Instead, focus on what can be done. Swap “you should have done this” with “next time you could try this.”

By shifting the focus from past mistakes to future possibilities, you’re encouraging growth and progress, both in your conversation and in the person you’re talking to.

8) “Whatever”

This single word, when used dismissively, can be incredibly damaging to a conversation. It sends a clear message of indifference and disinterest, effectively shutting down any meaningful communication.

If there’s one thing to remember from this list, let it be this: Showing genuine interest and respect for the person you’re talking to is the cornerstone of being a high-quality conversationalist.

So, instead of ending a conversation with “whatever”, try saying, “I understand we might not agree on this. Let’s revisit it later when we’ve had time to think it over.”

This shows respect for the other person’s viewpoint and keeps the line of communication open for future discussions.

Good conversation is about understanding, not just being understood. And that involves:

• Actively listening
• Showing empathy
• Respecting different viewpoints

Conclusion

By eliminating these eight phrases from your conversations, you open the door to more engaging and impactful interactions

However, improving your conversational skills goes beyond what phrases you do and don’t use—it’s about developing a deeper understanding of empathy, respect, and effective communication.

As you work on building these traits, you’ll find yourself better equipped to connect with others on a deeper level, enriching both your personal and professional relationships.