If you want to be a more supportive presence in your child’s life, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

Every parent wants to be a positive, supportive presence in their child’s life.

We all want to be the person they feel safe with, the one who encourages them, and the one they can turn to when life gets challenging.

But let’s be honest—parenting isn’t easy, and sometimes, even with the best intentions, we fall into patterns that don’t serve our kids as well as we’d like.

If you’re looking to truly uplift and empower your child, it might be time to reevaluate a few common habits that can unknowingly create distance instead of connection.

Here are seven behaviors that could be holding you back from being the supportive presence you aim to be—and what you can focus on instead.

1) Trying to control them

The first behavior to bid farewell to is the deep-seated desire to control every aspect of your child’s life.

While it’s natural for parents to want to protect their children from harm or failure, excessive control can stifle a child’s development and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.

Our role as parents is not to micromanage our children but rather to guide and support them in their journey towards self-discovery and independence.

So as difficult as it is, we have to trust their judgment, allow them the freedom to explore, and simply be there for them when they stumble.

That way, we can foster an environment where our child feels safe to make decisions, take risks, and learn from the outcomes. 

2) Overprotection

This is closely connected to my previous point. Of course, as parents, we want to shield your child from life’s hardships.

But just like overcontrolling, excessive protection can hinder their growth and resilience.

Overprotection can stifle independence, inhibit decision-making skills, and impede the development of coping mechanisms.

It can also convey a message that you don’t trust your child’s abilities, which can harm their self-confidence.

Instead of overprotecting, try guiding your child through challenges. Offer support and advice when needed, but allow them the space to navigate their own path.

This will help them develop the skills they need to face life’s challenges head-on, fostering resilience and self-reliance.

3) Constant criticism

The next behavior you should let go of is constant criticism.

A supportive presence in your child’s life is one that boosts their self-confidence, not one that constantly finds faults or focuses on what’s wrong.

We often criticize with the intention of pushing our children to improve. 

However, constant criticism can damage a child’s self-esteem, breed resentment, and create a feeling of not being good enough.

It’s important to remember that children are constantly learning and developing, and mistakes are a part of that process.

What’s more, they don’t have the emotional ability to handle criticism in a healthy way yet. 

As the folks at Advanced Psychology Services say, “It’s essential to understand that kids don’t react to criticism like adults do. While another adult might be able to acknowledge his or her mistake and laugh it off when you deliver a bit of constructive criticism, children have not yet developed the perspective needed to do this.

Children almost always internalize criticism, taking it to heart and sometimes sustaining lasting emotional wounds in the process.”

Instead of criticizing, try constructive feedback – share what you observed, express your feelings, and suggest an alternate behavior or action.

This approach fosters open communication, encourages problem-solving skills in your child, and builds a relationship based on mutual respect.

4) Emotional unavailability

It’s a common mistake for parents to think that parenting is about making sure their child is fed and protected, and leave it at that.

The thing is, parenting goes beyond that. It also involves supporting their emotional development.

Children need their parents to be emotionally present and attuned to their feelings. When parents are emotionally unavailable, it can lead to feelings of neglect and can significantly affect a child’s emotional development.

Being emotionally available means being open, attentive, and responsive to your child’s feelings and needs. They need parents who can:

• Empathize with their experiences
• Validate their emotions
• Offer comfort and support when they’re navigating through difficult feelings

Look, it’s not about having all the answers. It’s about being there for your child, listening without judgment, and helping them navigate their emotions.

This behavior fosters an environment of emotional well-being and equips your child with the tools to handle their emotions in a healthy manner.

5) Invalidation

Speaking of emotions, let’s talk about invalidation for a bit.

Invalidation is what happens when we dismiss, ignore, or minimize their emotions. Unfortunately, while it may seem like such a small thing in the moment, this can lead to feelings of confusion and isolation in your child.

Children, like adults, have a range of emotions, and it’s crucial that they feel seen, heard, and understood.

When we validate their feelings, we acknowledge their emotional experience, which helps them understand and manage their emotions better.

Instead of dismissing or minimizing their feelings, acknowledge how they feel. What might seem inconsequential to you might feel like a big deal to them.

Offer comfort in their distress, show empathy for their struggles, and celebrate their joys. This not only strengthens your bond with your child but also encourages emotional intelligence and resilience.

6) Inconsistency

When it comes to parenting, consistency is one of the most basic rules. That’s how we provide a sense of safety and predictability that’s crucial for a child’s development.

Without it — whether it’s in rules, reactions, or emotional responses — a child could feel insecure and unsure about what to expect. 

Being consistent doesn’t mean being rigid. It means maintaining steady, reliable patterns in your parenting style that your child can trust.

And that goes for every aspect — how you implement rules, how you respond to their behavior, or how you handle your own emotions.

Consistency offers a secure base from which your child can explore the world. It builds trust and helps shape their understanding of cause and effect, which is an essential aspect of building responsibility and self-discipline.

7) Comparing them with others

This is another habit that’s quite common yet very damaging.

Comparing your child to their peers, siblings, or even your own expectations can be detrimental to their self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

Children are unique individuals, each with their own strengths, weaknesses, and pace of development.

According to Integrative Psych, by comparing them with others, we risk:

• Undermining their self-worth
• Fostering feelings of inadequacy
• Cultivating resentment

Instead of comparing, celebrate your child’s individuality. Acknowledge their efforts, encourage their strengths, and support them in their challenges. This fosters a positive self-image in your child and helps them appreciate their own worth.

Embracing effective communication

After saying goodbye to these seven behaviors, it’s time to focus on a fundamental aspect that lies at the heart of supportive parenting – effective communication.

Communication is the bridge that connects us to our children. It allows us to understand their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and it lets them know that we are there for them.

Effective communication involves active listening, empathetic responses, and open-ended questions that encourage dialogue.

It’s not just about talking; it’s about creating an environment where your child feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions.

As we strive to become more supportive parents, let’s commit to fostering open and honest communication with our children – because every child deserves to be seen, heard, and understood.