If you want to be less anxious as you get older, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

Isn’t it funny how life seems to get busier and more complicated as we age, yet we somehow expect ourselves to feel calmer?

Anxiety doesn’t just magically disappear with time; in fact, it often gets worse if we don’t confront the habits that feed it.

I’ve learned this the hard way—holding onto behaviors that seemed harmless at first but were actually keeping me in a constant state of stress.

The truth is, if we want to be less anxious as we get older, we have to actively let go of the things that weigh us down.

It’s not about being perfect or stress-free but about recognizing the behaviors that no longer serve us and making a conscious choice to move past them.

Let’s dive into some of these habits and see what we might be holding onto—maybe without even realizing it.

1) Worrying about the future

Anxiety often stems from worrying about what hasn’t happened yet. We create scenarios in our minds, predicting all the things that could go wrong.

As we get older, these worries can increase. We start fretting about our health, our finances, our loved ones – the list goes on.

But here’s the kicker: most of these things are out of our control. And constantly dwelling on them only leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety.

So, the first behavior to say goodbye to is this habit of worrying about the future.

Instead, try to focus more on the present moment. What’s happening right now? What can you do right now?

Of course, it’s okay to plan for the future, just don’t let it consume you.

2) Being a perfectionist

Here’s a personal confession: I used to be a perfectionist. I believed that everything had to be just right. If it wasn’t, I considered it a failure.

This behavior led me down a road filled with anxiety. I was always worried about making mistakes, or not meeting my own high standards. As I got older, this anxiety only intensified.

Then one day, I realized how much this perfectionism was affecting my mental health. It created a harmful loop — perfectionism made me more anxious, which then made me even more of a perfectionist!

On and on they fed into each other, until I was absolutely drained. 

Now, I strive for progress, not perfection. And guess what? My anxiety levels have significantly decreased.

So, if you’re also stuck in the perfectionism trap, it’s time to break free. Remember, nobody’s perfect and that’s okay. It’s more important to do your best and learn from your mistakes than to be perfect.

3) Living on autopilot

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of living on autopilot. We go through the motions, our minds constantly racing from one thought to another.

This can lead to increased anxiety, especially as we get older and life becomes more complex.

Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can help us break free from this cycle. It teaches us to live in the present moment, to appreciate what’s happening right now instead of worrying about the past or future.

In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I delve deeper into how mindfulness can transform our lives.

I share practical tips and exercises that anyone can use to develop a more mindful approach to life. By applying these techniques, you can lower your anxiety levels and feel more at peace with yourself.

4) Avoiding difficult emotions

It’s human nature to shy away from difficult emotions. We often bury them deep down or try to distract ourselves, hoping they’ll just go away.

But the truth is, avoiding these emotions only amplifies them. They linger in the background, causing a constant level of anxiety.

As the team at New Perspectives Counseling Services explain, “The problem with avoidance is that it tends to lead to a downward spiral. This downward spiral is just a fancy way of saying detouring anxiety only brings more anxiety and more discomfort.”

The key is to allow yourself to feel these emotions. Acknowledge them, sit with them, understand them. It’s uncomfortable and scary, but it’s also liberating.

When I started doing this, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I realized that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or scared. These are normal human emotions, and they pass, just like everything else.

So if you’re in the habit of avoiding difficult emotions, it’s time to start facing them. You’ll be surprised at how much less anxious you’ll feel.

5) Trying to control everything

It might seem counter-intuitive, but trying to control every aspect of our lives does nothing to alleviate anxiety.

In fact, therapist Noelle McWard says that control is a hidden form of anxiety. “It is rooted in the default, and often unconscious belief or feeling that ‘I am not going to be okay’ or ‘Things will not be okay,'” she says.  

The more we try to control everything, the more anxious we become when things don’t go as planned. It’s a vicious cycle.

So instead of trying to control everything, start embracing uncertainty. Allow life to unfold naturally and trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way.

After all, life is full of surprises. And that’s what makes it exciting, right?

6) Neglecting self-care

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to put ourselves last. We tend to prioritize work, family, and other commitments over our own well-being.

But neglecting self-care is a surefire way to increase anxiety. When we don’t take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally, we’re less equipped to handle stress.

So if you’re not making self-care a priority, it’s time for a change.

Start incorporating simple self-care practices into your daily routine. It could be as simple as taking a walk, reading a book, meditating, or even just making sure you’re getting enough sleep.

Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s necessary. And it’s one of the best ways to reduce anxiety as you get older.

7) Holding onto grudges

Holding onto grudges is like carrying a heavy backpack. The longer you hold onto it, the heavier it becomes, and the more it weighs you down.

Grudges keep us stuck in the past, preventing us from moving forward. They foster negative emotions such as anger, resentment, and bitterness, which can lead to increased anxiety.

The most liberating thing you can do is to let go of these grudges. It’s not about forgetting what happened or saying that it was okay. It’s about choosing to free yourself from the burden of resentment.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool for reducing anxiety. It allows us to release negative emotions and make room for peace and happiness.

So if you’re holding onto any grudges, consider letting them go. It’s one of the most powerful ways to reduce anxiety as you get older.

Wrapping up

Anxiety can be a hard beast to tame, but it’s not impossible.

By letting go of the habits that fuel it, you create space for more peace and clarity in your life.

It’s about making small, intentional choices every day—whether it’s learning to set boundaries, embracing imperfection, or letting go of things you can’t control. 

If you’d like a companion on this journey of transformation, my book The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, can provide valuable insights and practical exercises to help.

Ultimately, it’s not about eliminating anxiety entirely but managing it in a way that allows you to live more fully. With patience and practice, you’ll find that calm isn’t something you chase—it’s something you create.