If you want to be more assertive in your beliefs, avoid these8 common mistakes

Being assertive about your beliefs is a tricky business.

It’s all about getting your point across without stepping on anyone’s toes. But, it’s easy to slip up and make mistakes that end up pushing people away, rather than winning them over.

That’s why I’ve identified some common pitfalls that can undermine your efforts to be assertive. By avoiding these, you can express your beliefs more confidently and effectively.

So, let’s dive into the “8 common mistakes to avoid if you want to be more assertive in your beliefs”. Stick around, this could be a game-changer for you.

1) Assuming agreement

Being assertive in your beliefs doesn’t mean assuming everyone is on the same page as you.

It’s a common mistake to think that just because your belief makes sense to you, it will automatically make sense to others. This assumption can lead to a lack of effective communication and ultimately hinder your ability to be assertive.

Instead of assuming agreement, take the time to explain your belief and its basis. Encourage open dialogue and be ready to listen to other perspectives. This allows for a more robust conversation and a better chance for your belief to be understood, even if not agreed with.

Remember, being assertive is about clear communication, not imposing your beliefs on others. And clear communication starts with acknowledging that others may not initially share your viewpoint.

2) Forgetting to listen

I cannot emphasize this enough: listening is crucial when you’re trying to be assertive in your beliefs.

I remember a time when I was convinced that my approach to a project at work was the best one. I was so sure of it that I didn’t really pay attention to what my colleagues were saying. I just kept pushing my idea, thinking they would eventually see its brilliance.

But, the result? They felt ignored, and my idea didn’t get the traction I was hoping for. It wasn’t until later when a mentor pointed out that I had been so focused on promoting my view that I hadn’t taken the time to listen to others.

From that experience, I learned that being assertive doesn’t mean bulldozing over others’ opinions. It means standing firm in your beliefs while still respecting and listening to others’ perspectives. It’s about striking a balance between expressing your thoughts and understanding those of others.

So remember, assertiveness includes active listening. And sometimes, you might learn something new that could even reshape your beliefs.

3) Neglecting non-verbal communication

When it comes to assertiveness, what you say is important. But how you say it can be just as critical.

A study conducted by UCLA professor Albert Mehrabian found that 55% of communication is non-verbal. This includes facial expressions, gestures, and body language.

So, if you’re slouched over with your arms crossed while you’re trying to assert your beliefs, you might be sending the wrong message. Your body language should match the confidence of your words. Stand tall, maintain eye contact, and use open gestures. This can significantly enhance the effectiveness of your assertiveness.

Remember, your non-verbal cues can either reinforce or undermine the message you’re trying to convey. So, pay attention to them next time you’re expressing your beliefs.

4) Over-apologizing

Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is a sign of empathy and understanding. But when you’re trying to assert your beliefs, over-apologizing can be a stumbling block.

Saying “sorry” too often can dilute your message and make you appear less confident. It can give the impression that you’re not fully convinced about your own beliefs.

Stand by your beliefs and express them confidently. If you feel the need to apologize, it might be a sign that you’re not being assertive but rather infringing on someone else’s boundaries.

Remember, asserting your beliefs doesn’t require an apology. It requires clarity, respect, and confidence.

5) Suppressing your emotions

Being assertive doesn’t mean you have to suppress your emotions. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

Your beliefs are often tied to your values, experiences, and feelings. Sharing these can make your assertion more genuine and relatable. It allows others to see the human side of your belief and understand where you’re coming from.

But remember, there’s a fine line between expressing your emotions and letting them control the conversation. Assertiveness includes managing your emotions effectively so they contribute positively to the dialogue, rather than causing disruption or misunderstanding.

So, don’t be afraid to show your passion or concern when asserting your beliefs. It could be the very thing that convinces others of the sincerity and value of your viewpoint.

6) Avoiding conflict

I used to think that to maintain harmony, I should avoid all forms of conflict. But in doing so, I often found myself suppressing my beliefs, which led to frustration and resentment.

But over time, I realized that conflict isn’t always negative. In fact, it can lead to growth, understanding and better solutions. Sometimes, standing up for your beliefs might stir up disagreement. But that’s okay.

Assertiveness is about respectfully expressing your beliefs, even when they aren’t popular or when they challenge the status quo. It’s not about picking fights, but about having the courage to voice your thoughts even when it’s uncomfortable.

So don’t shy away from potential conflict when asserting your beliefs. You never know – it could lead to a breakthrough or deeper understanding.

7) Being too rigid

While it’s important to stand firm in your beliefs, being too rigid can actually hinder your assertiveness.

When you’re unwilling to consider other perspectives, people may perceive you as inflexible or even dogmatic. This can close off meaningful dialogue and limit your ability to influence others.

Be open to feedback and willing to reevaluate your beliefs when presented with new information. This doesn’t mean you’re weak or indecisive; it shows that you’re thoughtful, open-minded, and confident enough to adapt when necessary.

Remember, true assertiveness is about balance – standing firm in your beliefs while maintaining respect for others’ perspectives.

8) Forgetting empathy

At the heart of assertiveness lies empathy.

Empathy helps you understand where others are coming from, even if their beliefs differ from yours. It allows you to express your beliefs in a way that respects and acknowledges their feelings and perspectives.

Without empathy, assertiveness can easily be mistaken for aggressiveness. But with it, you can communicate your beliefs effectively, while fostering understanding and respect.

So, always remember to be empathetic when asserting your beliefs. It is the key to effective and respectful communication.

Embracing the journey

Assertiveness, like most life skills, is a journey, not a destination.

It’s an ongoing process of learning, growing, making mistakes, and improving. It’s about finding that delicate balance between expressing your beliefs and respecting those of others.

And perhaps most importantly, it’s about understanding that each of us has a unique lens through which we see the world. Our beliefs are shaped by our experiences, values, and emotions.

Just like a tree that grows stronger with each passing storm, your assertiveness will develop and mature with each challenge you face.

And remember, as the philosopher Socrates once said: “An unexamined life is not worth living.” So keep examining your beliefs, keep asserting them empathetically, and keep growing.

Because in the end, it’s not just about being assertive in your beliefs. It’s about understanding yourself better and making your unique voice heard in this world.