If you want to be respected in life, say goodbye to these 8 people-pleasing behaviors

Being respected involves more than just being liked. It’s about setting boundaries, expressing your needs, and standing up for yourself.

Often, we fall into the trap of people-pleasing, hoping to be accepted and loved by everyone around us. We mask our true selves and bend over backwards to make others happy. But let me tell you something – it’s exhausting and it doesn’t earn you respect.

Respect comes from authenticity, from being true to yourself. And if you’re in the habit of people-pleasing, it’s high time you break free.

Here are 8 people-pleasing behaviors that you need to let go of if you want to be truly respected in life. Trust me, saying goodbye to these habits will not only earn you respect but also self-confidence and peace of mind.

1) Always saying “yes”

The first people-pleasing behavior that’s got to go is the habit of always saying “yes”.

Many of us are guilty of it. We don’t want to disappoint, we don’t want to upset, so we say “yes” even when we should be saying “no”. But you know what? It’s okay to say “no”. It’s okay to put your needs first.

Do you realize the toll it takes on you when you agree to do everything for everyone else, often at the expense of your own needs and desires? You end up drained, exhausted and even resentful.

In contrast, when you learn to say “no” and set healthy boundaries, you’ll find that people respect your time and your decisions more. It’s not about being selfish, it’s about self-care.

So start practicing saying “no”. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, it will become easier. And the respect you’ll gain from others (and yourself) will be well worth it.

2) Apologizing unnecessarily

Next up is a behavior I’ve personally struggled with – apologizing when it’s not warranted.

There was a time when I would start almost every sentence with “sorry.” Whether I was late, early, disagreed with someone, or even just had a question, “sorry” was my go-to word.

But then I realized something – constantly apologizing wasn’t making me more likable or respectful. Instead, it was making me seem unsure and unconfident.

The turning point came when a mentor pointed it out to me. She told me, “You don’t need to apologize for having an opinion or asking a question. It’s your right.” That hit home.

I started to consciously stop myself every time I was about to utter an unnecessary “sorry”. It was tough initially, and sometimes I still slip up. But the difference it has made is profound.

People see me as more confident and assertive now. By valuing my own voice, others started to value it too. So, if you’re like the old me and use “sorry” like a punctuation mark, it’s time to reassess. You’ll be surprised at how much respect you’ll gain by just eliminating unnecessary apologies.

3) Seeking validation

Seeking validation is a common people-pleasing behavior that often stems from a lack of self-esteem.

When we constantly seek validation, we place our worth in the hands of others. We become dependent on their approval and praise to feel good about ourselves. This can be incredibly draining and detrimental to our self-worth.

Interestingly, research shows that people who seek less approval from others are typically more liked and respected. This is because they come across as genuine and self-assured, traits that are highly admired in our society.

So, instead of seeking validation, focus on building your self-esteem and confidence. Recognize your worth and believe in your abilities. Remember, your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth. When you start valuing yourself, others will too.

4) Over-explaining yourself

One of the most common people-pleasing behaviors is the tendency to over-explain ourselves.

We often do this in an attempt to avoid misunderstandings or conflicts. However, over-explaining can convey the message that you feel the need to justify your actions or decisions. This can make you seem unsure and lack confidence in your choices.

In reality, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decisions or actions, especially when they concern your personal life or well-being.

It’s crucial to learn to stand firm in your choices without feeling the need to provide an elaborate explanation. This not only saves you time and energy but also earns you respect as someone who is decisive and confident.

5) Neglecting your own needs

This might be the hardest one to swallow, but it’s absolutely vital – stop neglecting your own needs for the sake of pleasing others.

All too often, we put ourselves last. We sacrifice our time, energy, and even our happiness to make others happy. It feels good to be needed and appreciated, but at what cost?

When you continually neglect your own needs, it takes a toll on your mental and physical health. More so, it sends a message to others that your needs aren’t important.

Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s only when you take care of your own needs that you can genuinely care for others.

Be kind to yourself. Honor your needs and desires. You are just as important as anyone else, and when you start treating yourself that way, you’ll find that others will too.

6) Avoiding confrontation

Confrontation is something many of us dread. It can be uncomfortable, uneasy, and downright scary at times.

There was a phase in my life when I would go to great lengths to avoid any form of conflict. I believed it was easier to let things slide than to confront the issue head-on. The fear of being disliked or causing discomfort was too overwhelming.

However, over time, I realized that by avoiding confrontation, I was not only bottling up my feelings but also allowing others to disregard my boundaries. It was not only affecting my relationships but also my self-esteem.

Learning to confront issues head-on was a game-changer. Yes, it was uncomfortable at first, but it got easier with time. And the best part? It earned me respect from others and, most importantly, from myself.

So don’t shy away from confrontation. Stand up for yourself and address issues as they arise. It’s a sign of strength and self-respect.

7) Trying to fit in

Another common people-pleasing behavior is the constant effort to fit in.

We often change our opinions, preferences, and even our personality to blend in with a group. We fear standing out or being different because of the potential rejection or judgment that might come with it.

But trying to fit in by becoming someone you’re not is a disservice to yourself – it undermines your individuality and self-worth.

Remember, people respect authenticity more than conformity. It’s your unique thoughts, opinions, and character that make you who you are. Don’t be afraid to embrace your individuality and let your true self shine.

When you are true to who you are, you attract respect from others. So stop trying to fit in and start standing out.

8) Sacrificing your values

The most critical behavior to say goodbye to is sacrificing your values to please others.

Your values define who you are. They are the core principles that guide your decisions and behavior. When you compromise your values to accommodate others, you lose a piece of yourself.

Respect comes from standing by your beliefs, even when they are not popular or convenient. People may not always agree with you, but they will respect you for staying true to who you are.

Never compromise your values for anyone or anything. They are your compass, guiding you in the right direction. Hold onto them tightly, and the respect will follow.

Final thoughts: The power of self-respect

The journey to self-respect often begins with saying goodbye to people-pleasing behaviors.

Remember, respect starts from within. When you respect yourself, you set the bar for how others should treat you. This entails honoring your needs, standing up for your beliefs, and maintaining your boundaries.

Renowned poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou once said, “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” This resonates deeply when we consider people-pleasing behaviors.

People-pleasing might win you temporary approval, but it won’t earn you lasting respect. Don’t sacrifice your authenticity for temporary approval.

As you reflect on these points, remember that change takes time. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way. Each step you take towards breaking these behaviors brings you closer to living a life of self-respect and authenticity.

After all, your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.