If you want to become a kinder person as you get older, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

Growing kinder with age isn’t always a given. Sometimes, it requires conscious effort and a willingness to let go of certain behaviors.

Unlike fine wine, we don’t all get better with age. But we can, if we decide to.

Becoming kinder means recognizing the behaviors that hold us back from being our best selves.

It’s about understanding the difference between what feels good in the moment, and what will make us truly happy in the long run.

If kindness is your goal, here are a few behaviors you might want to leave behind on your journey toward becoming your best, most compassionate self.

1) Playing the blame game

Any situation can be a breeding ground for negativity, particularly when things don’t go as planned.

It’s easy to point fingers and blame others. But playing the blame game can be a roadblock to kindness.

As we get older, it’s vital to take responsibility for our actions. 

This doesn’t mean shouldering all the blame, but understanding our part in any given situation.

Letting go of the blame game means becoming more empathetic, patient, and understanding.

It means stepping into other people’s shoes and trying to see the world from their perspective.

Everyone is fighting their own battles. Being kinder means acknowledging this and moving away from judgment and blame.

2) Jumping to conclusions

Let’s be honest, we’ve all been guilty of this at some point.

I remember a time when I was quick to make snap judgments about people or situations, without having all the facts in hand.

A few years ago, I had a colleague who was often late for work.

Initially, I was quick to label them as irresponsible.

But then I learned that they were juggling a demanding job, a sick parent, and three young children.

That judgment quickly turned into respect for their resilience.

With age comes the realization that practicing patience and taking the time to understand people and situations before forming an opinion can make all the difference.

It’s something I’ve been working on, and I’ve found it truly deepens kindness.

This behavior of jumping to conclusions can cloud our judgment and prevent us from being kind.

Saying goodbye to it can make us more understanding individuals with a greater capacity for kindness.

3) Holding onto grudges

Holding onto grudges can be a significant barrier to kindness—and it doesn’t just weigh on our minds; it affects our health.

Studies show that harboring negative feelings can lead to increased heart rate and higher blood pressure, impacting our well-being.

When we cling to grudges, we’re not only holding onto the pain caused by others; we’re also blocking our own growth and ability to foster kindness.

It’s like carrying a heavy backpack that weighs us down, keeping us from reaching our full potential.

Learning to forgive becomes essential as we mature. Forgiveness isn’t excusing or erasing the hurtful actions—it’s choosing to let go of the negativity left behind so we can move forward with a lighter and kinder heart. 

4) Being self-centered

In the journey of life, it’s common to become absorbed in our own concerns, overlooking the feelings and perspectives of others.

This inward focus can limit our capacity for kindness and empathy.

The solution lies in consciously choosing to understand others.

Simple actions, like asking someone about their day and genuinely listening, or extending a helping hand, foster connection.

Broadening our perspectives and becoming mindful of those around us allows us to move beyond self-centeredness.

By shifting our focus outward, we open the door to deeper connections and nurture a path toward greater kindness and empathy.

5) Neglecting self-care

Ironically, one behavior that can hinder our kindness toward others is neglecting our own self-care.

If we’re constantly running on empty, it’s difficult to show compassion and understanding to those around us.

Just like the safety instructions on an airplane tell us to put our own oxygen mask on before helping others, we must take care of ourselves first.

As Katie Reed wisely puts it, “Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.”

This isn’t being self-centered; it’s recognizing that we can’t pour from an empty cup.

Taking time to rest, rejuvenate, and engage in activities we enjoy makes us happier and more patient, ultimately increasing our capacity for kindness.

6) Dismissing the small things

In our pursuit of big dreams and life goals, we often miss the small acts of kindness that can make a significant difference in someone’s day.

We tend to believe that kindness requires grand gestures, but that’s far from the truth.

I’ve found that it’s the little things—a warm smile, a genuine compliment, or lending a listening ear—that have the most impact.

These simple actions can deeply affect someone’s day, or even their life. And not only do they bring joy to others, but they also enrich our own lives, making us happier and more fulfilled.

In the words of Aesop, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

7) Avoiding difficult conversations

Many people try hard to avoid difficult conversations, fearing the discomfort they bring.

However, this tendency can leave relationships strained and misunderstandings unresolved.

It’s easy to believe that avoiding tough talks is a form of kindness, but in reality, it prevents growth and honesty.

True kindness isn’t found in sidestepping hard moments.

It lies in facing them with respect and openness, even when the words are hard to find.

Having these conversations shows that we care enough to be honest, valuing the other person’s feelings and the relationship itself.

Embracing difficult discussions strengthens connections, demonstrating that kindness requires courage, not convenience.

8) Always saying ‘yes’

The word “yes” is linked with positivity and agreeability, but saying it too frequently can do more harm than good.

When we agree to everything, we risk overextending ourselves and neglecting our well-being.

This results in stress, resentment, and diminished kindness.

As we mature, it becomes clear that saying “no” isn’t rude or unkind. It’s an act of self-respect and boundary setting. It demonstrates that we value our time and energy, refusing to deplete them unnecessarily.

To be kinder, consider the power of a respectful “no.” Finding the right balance between helping others and honoring our own needs is essential.

In this light, Paulo Coelho reminds us: “When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.”

Final thoughts

Kindness is more than just a trait; it’s a powerful force capable of transforming lives. Studies reveal that performing acts of kindness can significantly increase our own happiness.

So, as you move forward, consider the behaviors discussed here. Reflect on them, learn from them, and let them guide you toward a richer, kinder life.

Ultimately, kindness is a choice—and it’s one that starts with you.