If you want to build a strong foundation for your relationship, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

So, you’re looking to build a rock-solid foundation for your relationship?

I get it—it’s no small task.

Relationships are full of nuances, and sometimes, the things we do, even unintentionally, can slowly chip away at that bond we’re trying to strengthen.

The good news? You can course-correct.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen firsthand how certain behaviors can quietly undermine even the strongest of connections.

Today, we’ll explore some damaging behaviors that you’ll want to say goodbye to if you’re serious about building a lasting, healthy relationship.

Ready to level up your love life? Let’s dive in.

1) Playing the blame game

In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve seen how easy it is to fall into the trap of blaming your partner when things go wrong.

It’s a natural instinct—when we’re hurt or upset, we look for someone to pin it on.

However, in a relationship, this behavior can be like a wrecking ball to your foundation.

Blaming creates a cycle of negativity and defensiveness.

It pushes your partner away, making them less likely to open up and more likely to retaliate with blame of their own.

Instead of pointing fingers, try shifting your focus to understanding.

Seek to comprehend why your partner did what they did or why they feel the way they do.

It’s not about who’s right or wrong.

It’s about understanding each other and working together to find a solution. 

2) Avoiding vulnerability

Let’s get real for a moment: being vulnerable is scary.

It’s like standing naked in front of someone, hoping they won’t judge or reject you.

But it’s also the key to deep connection and intimacy.

As so eloquently put by renowned author Brené Brown, “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known.”

I’m no stranger to this fear.

For the longest time, I’d hide my true feelings, fearing they’d make me appear weak or needy—but all it did was create a wall between me and my partner.

Showing our vulnerabilities isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of courage.

It shows that we trust our partners enough to show them our true selves, flaws, and all.

It might feel uncomfortable at first, but trust me, the reward is worth it..

3) Assuming instead of asking

Ah, assumptions—they’re relationship quicksand.

You think you’re on solid ground, but before you know it, you’re sinking.

I’ve been there myself, and it’s not a fun place to be.

Why do we assume?

Well, often it’s because we think we know our partners so well that we start to believe we know what they’re thinking or feeling.

But this can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

Instead of assuming, try asking.

It might be as simple as saying, “Hey, I noticed you seemed a bit quiet today. Is everything okay?”

This shows your partner that you care about their feelings and are willing to listen.

4) Not having boundaries

I know—when you’re in love, it feels like you want to be all-in, no walls, no limits.

But here’s the thing: not having boundaries can actually cause more harm than good.

I’ve seen it happen countless times in relationships.

Without boundaries, one person often ends up feeling suffocated or resentful, while the other might not even realize they’re overstepping.

Boundaries aren’t about keeping your partner at arm’s length; they’re about creating a healthy space where both of you can thrive.

It’s like giving your relationship room to breathe.

When you set those boundaries with love and respect, it strengthens your bond, not weakens it.

Some boundaries to consider?

How about setting aside time for yourself without feeling guilty? Or make it clear that your phone is your private space unless you agree otherwise.

It can even be as simple as letting your partner know when you need emotional support and when you just need space to process on your own.

When you set these kinds of boundaries, you create a relationship where both of you can feel respected, valued, and understood.

Trust me—setting boundaries doesn’t push someone away.

It helps pull you both closer together, with a deeper sense of respect and security.

5) Trying to fix everything

I know, it sounds counterintuitive, doesn’t it?

We’re often told that being supportive means helping our partner solve their problems.

But sometimes, the best thing we can do is… well, nothing.

Let me explain: when your partner is upset about something, your first instinct might be to jump in and try to fix the problem.

But what they might need more than solutions is empathy.

As put by author Dr. Steve Maraboli, “Sometimes we need someone to just listen. Not to try and fix anything or offer alternatives, but to just be there… to listen. An ear that listens can be medicine for a heart that hurts.”

Always trying to fix things can make your partner feel unheard or like their feelings are being dismissed.

This doesn’t mean you should never offer help or advice.

But before you do, ask your partner if that’s what they want—you might be surprised by their answer.

6) Keeping score

In my early dating days, I fell into the trap of keeping score. “I paid for dinner last time, it’s his turn now,” or “I apologized first last time, it’s her turn now”.

Sound familiar?

Keeping score can feel like fairness, but in reality, it’s a road to resentment.

Relationships are not about 50/50 all the time – they’re about giving 100% from both sides when and where it’s needed.

In moments when your partner can’t give as much, you step up, and vice versa.

It’s not about tit-for-tat but about supporting each other.

Toss out the scoreboard and replace it with empathy, understanding, and mutual support.

A relationship is a team effort, not a competition.

7) Avoiding difficult conversations

Let’s be honest, nobody enjoys difficult conversations.

They’re uncomfortable, they’re messy, and they can bring up a lot of emotions.

But they’re also necessary for a healthy relationship.

Avoiding these tough talks can lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and a breakdown in communication.

It’s like sweeping dust under the rug – sooner or later, it’s going to spill out. 

This is well acknowledged by experts; the folks at Positive Psychology put it well when they noted, “While conflict is not uncommon, if left unresolved along with related stress, it can damage the bonds that form between people.”

Having these conversations isn’t about winning or losing.

It’s about understanding each other better, resolving conflicts, and growing together as a couple.

Wrapping up

Building a strong foundation for your relationship isn’t always easy.

By saying goodbye to these behaviors, you’re already on the right path!

As always, I hope you found some value in this post. 

Here’s to strong, lasting bonds built on good habits!