If you want to expand your friend circle as you get older, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

Making friends used to be effortless—just a quick chat, spontaneous hangouts, and plenty of time for clubs, parties, and social events. We didn’t have to think twice about meeting new people or forming connections.

But as we get older, things change. Life becomes busier, work, family, and other responsibilities start piling up, and suddenly, meeting new people or expanding our social circles feels like an uphill battle.

The truth is, some habits we’ve developed over time are quietly holding us back from making new friends and building those meaningful connections.

If you’re ready to break free from this cycle and embrace new friendships, it’s time to let go of these 8 behaviors that may be quietly keeping you stuck.

1) Being stuck in your ways

Let’s face it, as we grow older, we often settle into routines that feel safe and familiar. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can make forming new friendships more challenging.

Clinging too tightly to the familiar or avoiding fresh experiences can leave your social circle feeling stagnant instead of expanding.

The secret lies in being open to new perspectives and opportunities. Building meaningful connections doesn’t require changing who you are—it’s about allowing growth to shape your journey.

Growth isn’t measured by age but by mindset. When you embrace change, you open the door to possibilities and relationships that can enrich your life in unexpected ways. As Helen Keller so beautifully expressed, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

2) Being averse to vulnerability

Here’s an interesting truth: we’re all naturally wired to connect with others. Yet, true connection demands vulnerability—the courage to be open and authentic.

Vulnerability means exposing your true self—your feelings, thoughts, and experiences—knowing they may not always be well-received or returned. It’s a daunting prospect, isn’t it?

But vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a profound strength. It’s taking the risk of being fully yourself in the pursuit of genuine relationships.

Think: how can you form meaningful bonds if you don’t reveal who you truly are? It’s through vulnerability that we invite others to do the same, creating space for deeper, more authentic connections.

As we grow older, we tend to become more guarded, less willing to open up. This hesitation might be the very thing holding you back from making new friends.

Brene Brown sums it up: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

3) Being too focused on being liked

Ironically, while vulnerability is key to forming deep connections, an excessive desire to be liked can actually hinder the process.

Being liked is naturally a pleasant feeling. We all love to feel accepted and appreciated by our peers. However, when this desire becomes a driving force in our interactions, it can limit our ability to form authentic relationships.

Here’s how it ties back to vulnerability – when we’re too focused on being liked, we may suppress aspects of our personality or opinions that we fear might be unpalatable to others. In doing so, we stray away from authenticity and prevent others from getting to know the real us.

There’s a delicate balance here. Being authentic might mean that not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. Genuine friendships are not built on pretense but on mutual respect and understanding.

So if you’re constantly molding your behavior to fit in or be liked, it might be time to reassess. Be true to yourself and the right friends will follow.

4) Not actively listening

Communication is a two-way street. In many conversations, we may find ourselves simply waiting for our turn to speak, but active listening requires much more than that.

Active listening is the conscious effort to hear not only the words being said but to fully understand the message being conveyed. It’s about showing genuine interest, asking thoughtful questions, and providing meaningful responses.

In our fast-paced lives, we overlook the importance of truly listening to others. This can lead to shallow exchanges that lack depth and genuine connection.

As we grow older, our conversations should evolve too. Active listening nurtures empathy and understanding—essential ingredients for building meaningful friendships.

Stephen Covey so aptly said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” This is a reminder that true communication requires a shift from reacting to truly understanding others.

5) Not investing time in your relationships

There’s a simple truth that many of us neglect—friendships require time and effort.

As we age and our responsibilities grow, it’s easy for our social lives to fall to the back burner. However, expanding your circle of friends means being willing to invest time and energy into nurturing those connections.

Here are some behaviors that might indicate you’re not investing enough time in your relationships:

• Canceling plans frequently
• Not returning calls or messages in a timely manner
• Rarely initiating meetups or conversations
• Not making an effort to catch up or stay updated with your friends’ lives

These actions can unintentionally send the message that you’re not committed to building or maintaining meaningful connections, potentially stalling the growth of your friendships.

6) Getting stuck in the comparison trap

Looking at others can trap us in a cycle of comparison, a tendency we all fall into from time to time.

Constantly measuring ourselves against others creates a barrier to building new friendships. It fuels feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and jealousy—far from the foundation needed to form authentic connections.

This habit also stops us from recognizing the unique qualities we bring to friendships, qualities that make us valuable to others.

Everyone is on their own path, moving at their own pace. Embracing this reality helps us break free from the comparison trap.

The next time you catch yourself comparing, take a step back, embrace your individuality, and watch how it opens the door to deeper, more meaningful friendships.

7) Not appreciating the friends you already have

Sometimes, in our quest to expand our friend circle, we can overlook the value of the friendships we already have. We might take these relationships for granted or not invest enough in them.

But think about it – aren’t these pre-existing relationships a treasure trove of deepened connections waiting to be explored?

Ask yourself: Are you truly valuing your existing friends? Are you nurturing these relationships as much as you should be?

If not, it may be time to shift your focus from quantity to quality. Because sometimes, expanding your friend circle is not just about making new friends, but about deepening the bonds with the ones you already have.

8) Harboring negative attitudes

We’ve all heard the saying, “Your vibe attracts your tribe”. This couldn’t be more true when it comes to making friends.

I remember a time when I was going through a rough patch. I was dealing with a lot of negativity and it began to seep into my social interactions. I found myself complaining more, being pessimistic, and generally not being the best company.

Unsurprisingly, I noticed that people started to pull away. It was a wake-up call. I realized that my negative attitude was pushing people away instead of drawing them in.

This is not to say that we should suppress our struggles or always put on a happy face. But constantly radiating negativity can repel potential friends.

To attract positive, supportive relationships, it’s essential to cultivate a positive mindset. The energy you radiate is the energy you’ll attract. Think about the kind of energy you’re putting out into the world—it can shape your social circle.

What can you do today to start expanding your friend circle?

Now that we’ve identified the behaviors that could be limiting your ability to make new friends, what can you do today to start changing that?

Here are some simple, actionable steps you can take:

• Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Attend a social event, join a club, or try a new hobby.
• Practice active listening in your next conversation. Show genuine interest and ask thoughtful questions.
• Take some time to appreciate and reconnect with your existing friends.
• Work on cultivating a positive mindset. Practice gratitude and mindfulness.

Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey of self-discovery and growth. As you embark on this journey, reflect on how these behaviors have shaped your social life and what changes you’re willing to make.

The beauty of friendship is that it’s never too late to make new friends or deepen existing relationships. So here’s to expanding your friend circle and enriching your life with meaningful connections.