If you want to have more meaningful conversations with your partner, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

We’ve all been there—those conversations with your partner that feel more like going through the motions than truly connecting.

If you’re craving more meaningful, heart-to-heart talks, it might be time to ditch a few habits that are unknowingly holding you back.

The good news? A few simple changes can take your conversations from surface-level to deep and enriching.
Ready to strengthen your bond and spark better discussions?

Let’s dive into the 8 behaviors to say goodbye to if you want conversations that really matter!

1) Avoiding eye contact

One of the most basic elements of a meaningful conversation is eye contact.

It’s about more than just looking into your partner’s eyes; it’s about showing them that you’re fully present and engaged.

Think of your own experiences. How do you feel when someone talks to you without making eye contact? Probably disconnected, maybe even dismissed.

This is something I’ve seen couples struggle with time and time again in my work as a relationship expert. And I can tell you, it’s a pattern you need to break if you want to deepen your conversations.

When we make eye contact, we’re communicating our interest and respect for the other person. It’s a non-verbal way of saying, “I’m here, and I value what you’re saying.”

2) Being defensive

Nobody’s perfect, and in any relationship, there will be times when we slip up or make mistakes.

How we react when those mistakes are pointed out can make a world of difference in our conversations.

I’ve noticed that defensiveness is a common barrier to meaningful communication between couples. It’s an instinctual response, but it often leads to arguments rather than understanding.

Remember what the great Albert Einstein once said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

Mistakes are part of being human, and accepting them graciously is a sign of maturity and wisdom.

3) Constant interruptions

We’ve all been there – you’re in the middle of expressing your feelings and your partner cuts you off. It’s frustrating, right?

Interrupting not only disrupts the flow of conversation but also sends a message that your partner’s thoughts are more important than yours.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk about the importance of creating a safe space for communication in a relationship. A critical part of this is allowing each other the chance to speak without being interrupted.

If you find yourself frequently interrupting your partner, it’s time to take a step back and practice active listening. It’s not easy, especially when you’re eager to make your point, but it’s an essential skill for meaningful conversations.

4) Avoiding conflict

Now, this might seem counterintuitive. Most of us have been taught to believe that conflict is a bad thing, something to be avoided at all costs.

However, in reality, conflict is a natural and necessary part of any relationship.

Avoiding conflict might make things comfortable in the short term, but it prevents you from addressing underlying issues that could potentially harm your relationship in the long run.

It’s like a pressure cooker. If you keep avoiding and suppressing your feelings, the pressure will continue to build up until it eventually explodes.

Now, I’m not saying you should pick fights over every little thing. But when there’s a real issue that needs to be addressed, don’t shy away from it. Have the courage to bring it up and discuss it openly with your partner.

5) Multitasking during conversations

In this digital age where we’re constantly juggling multiple tasks at once, it’s all too easy to fall into the trap of multitasking during conversations.

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of this myself – checking emails or scrolling through social media while talking to my partner.

But here’s the thing: when you’re not fully present in a conversation, it shows.

Your partner can tell when your attention is divided, and it can make them feel unheard and unimportant.

If you want meaningful conversations with your partner, make an effort to put away all distractions when you’re talking. That means no phones, no laptops, no TV – just pure, undivided attention.

It may sound cliché, but it’s true: the best gift you can give someone is your full attention.

6) Avoiding vulnerability

Opening up and showing your true feelings can be downright scary. It leaves you exposed, and there’s always a risk of getting hurt.

But here’s the hard truth – vulnerability is the key to deep, meaningful conversations.

When you open your heart and share your fears, hopes, dreams, and insecurities with your partner, it creates a space for intimacy and understanding.

It shows your partner that you trust them enough to let them see the real you – the good, the bad, and everything in between.

I won’t sugarcoat it – being vulnerable can be uncomfortable. But it’s a risk worth taking.

Next time you’re conversing with your partner, dare to be vulnerable. Share something about yourself that they might not know. It might just take your conversation – and relationship – to a whole new level.

7) Criticizing instead of expressing feelings

We’ve all been there. Your partner does something that upsets you and your first reaction is to criticize them.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve done it too.

But criticism often does more harm than good. It puts your partner on the defensive and shuts down any chance of a productive conversation.

Instead, try expressing your feelings. Instead of saying “You never help out around the house,” say “I feel overwhelmed when I have to handle all the chores myself.”

It’s a small shift, but it makes a world of difference in how your message is received.

As the renowned psychologist Dr. Carl Rogers wisely said, “When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

The same holds true for our partners. Acceptance paves the way for change, while criticism only creates resistance.

8) Keeping score

We’ve all been guilty of this at some point:

• Keeping a mental tally of who did what
• Who apologized first
• Who made up for the last fight

But the truth is, keeping score is a toxic habit that has no place in a healthy relationship.

It creates resentment and fosters an unhealthy competition instead of promoting understanding and forgiveness.

When you’re stuck in the score-keeping mindset, every conversation becomes a battlefield where the objective is to ‘win’ rather than to understand and connect.

It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s about understanding each other’s perspectives and finding a common ground.

So let go of the scoreboard and focus on what truly matters – nurturing love, trust, and mutual respect.

Conclusion

Building more meaningful conversations with your partner doesn’t require grand gestures—it’s about letting go of the small habits that block true connection.

By being more present, curious, and open, you create the space for deeper discussions that bring you closer together.

Relationships thrive on communication, and the quality of your conversations can make all the difference.

As you work on these habits, you’ll find your conversations becoming more open, honest, and fulfilling. You’ll understand each other better and grow closer as a couple. And if you need more guidance, my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship is always there to help.

Every conversation is an opportunity for growth and connection. So embrace it, make the most of it, and see the magic unfold in your relationship. Happy talking!