If you want to sharpen your people skills as you get older, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

As we age, we often hold on to certain behaviors that may be hindering our ability to connect with others.

These habits can dull our people skills, limiting our opportunities for personal growth and success.

Improving your social interactions isn’t about being someone you’re not. It’s about re-evaluating the behaviors that may be holding you back.

Want to sharpen your people skills as you age? Say goodbye to these seven behaviors. Trust me, you won’t miss them. And in return, you’ll gain stronger relationships and a better understanding of those around you.

1) Trying to win every argument

As we age, we accumulate knowledge and experiences that can sometimes lead us to believe that we have all the answers.

This might make us more prone to entering into debates and disagreements with the mindset of ‘winning’ rather than understanding.

Unfortunately, this kind of behavior can create friction in our relationships and hinder our ability to connect with others on a deeper level.

As Dr. Scott Alpert points out, “You might win the battle but lose the relationship.”

People skills are not about being right all the time, but about understanding, empathizing, and connecting with others.

So, when you find yourself gearing up for a debate, take a step back. Is it more important to win or to understand?

Learning to let go of the need to win every argument will not only improve your relationships but also open you up to new perspectives and ideas. It’s about growth, not victory.

2) Being quick to judge

I’ll admit, there was a time when I would jump to conclusions or make snap judgments about people based on first impressions.

It’s easy to do, right? We meet someone new, and we immediately start forming opinions based on their appearance or the first few things they say.

But as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized how unfair and limiting this behavior can be. Not only does it prevent me from truly getting to know someone, but it also closes off the possibility of forming meaningful relationships.

There was a colleague of mine, for instance. When we first met, he came across as quite stern and unfriendly.

I quickly labeled him as ‘cold’ and ‘unapproachable’. But once I took the time to actually engage with him, I discovered a dry sense of humor and a wealth of interesting stories from his travels.

Had I stuck with my initial judgment, I would have missed out on a wonderful friendship.

So, if you want to improve your people skills, remember not to judge a book by its cover. It’s important to give people a chance and keep an open mind when meeting new individuals.

This shift in attitude might just surprise you with some unexpectedly enriching relationships.

3) Living in autopilot

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of living on autopilot. We rush through our days, our minds constantly churning with thoughts about the past and the future, hardly ever truly present in the moment.

This lack of mindfulness can affect our relationships and interactions with others. When we’re not fully present, we miss out on subtle cues, emotions, and messages that can significantly impact our connections.

I’ve noticed a significant improvement in my people skills since I started practicing mindfulness. Being present at the moment allows me to truly listen and connect with others and understand their perspectives better.

In my book “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve deeper into how mindfulness can transform your life and relationships. It’s not just about meditation; it’s about cultivating a mindset where you’re fully engaged in every moment.

So, say goodbye to living on autopilot. Embrace mindfulness, and you’ll see a noticeable improvement in your people skills as you age.

4) Resisting change

Change is an inevitable part of life. Yet, we often resist it, clinging to the comfort of familiarity instead.

This resistance can hinder our ability to adapt and connect with others, especially in a world that’s constantly evolving.

For instance, when technology started taking over every aspect of life, it felt strange and intimidating. I was used to doing things the traditional way, and this sudden shift was unsettling.

However, I soon realized that resisting change was only isolating me further. It was affecting my ability to connect with others, especially the younger generation. So, I made an effort to embrace change, learn new skills, and understand new trends.

The result? My relationships improved, I felt more connected to people around me and it even opened up new opportunities for growth.

Embracing change might be challenging initially, but it will make you more adaptable and relatable in the long run.

5) Always trying to please others

This might come as a surprise, but always trying to please others can actually be detrimental to your people skills.

It’s natural to want to make others happy, but constantly bending over backwards to meet everyone else’s needs can lead to resentment and burnout.

Moreover, people respect authenticity and find it attractive. If you’re always saying yes, even when you don’t want to, you’re not being true to yourself. And that can create a barrier in your relationships.

Instead, learn to say no when necessary. Stand up for your values and needs. It doesn’t mean being selfish or unkind. It means respecting your own boundaries while still being considerate of others.

The ability to balance your needs with those of others is a key aspect of strong people skills. So, counter-intuitive as it may seem, saying no can sometimes be the best way to improve your relationships as you age.

6) Holding onto grudges

As we get older, it’s easy to accumulate a collection of grudges from past experiences. But harboring these grievances can weigh us down, and it can seriously affect our ability to connect with others.

It keeps us dwelling on past hurts, which prevents us from fully engaging in the present. It can create a barrier between us and others, inhibiting trust and openness.

If you’ve got some old wounds inside you, try to let go and forgive. This doesn’t mean that you condone the actions that hurt you, but rather that you choose to free yourself from the burden of resentment.

Ultimately, forgiveness is more for you than for the other person. Letting go of grudges allows you to move forward and focus on building stronger relationships. 

7) Failing to show gratitude

Lastly, if you want to improve your people skills as you grow older, practice gratitude.

According to Positive Psychology, “Gratitude can help build and maintain relationships with others, resulting in hope, life satisfaction, and more proactive behaviors toward others.”

In contrast, failing to show gratitude can create a sense of being undervalued in others, and this can really get in the way of building strong, meaningful connections.

So, make it a habit to express your gratitude. Tell people when you appreciate them and why. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures; even simple words of thanks can have a huge impact.

Gratitude not only strengthens your relationships but also fosters a positive environment around you. It’s one of the most powerful ways to sharpen your people skills as you age.

Final thoughts: It’s all about growth

Becoming more socially savvy is not about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. It’s about understanding others, being open to change, and nurturing authentic connections.

In “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve deeper into how embracing the present can help us grow and connect with others on a more meaningful level.

So as you reflect on these seven behaviors, remember – it’s never too late to let go of what’s holding you back. Embrace the opportunity for growth and watch your relationships flourish.

After all, life becomes richer when we truly connect with others.