Men who ghost after the first date usually display these 7 traits, says a relationship expert

It’s an all-too-familiar story: you meet someone new, sparks fly, and you leave the first date feeling a genuine connection—only to be met with radio silence.

Ghosting after a first date can be confusing, frustrating, and hurtful, leaving you wondering what went wrong.

If this has happened to you, you’ve probably wondering “What if there were ways to spot the signs of a potential ghoster before even agreeing to that first date?”

Well good news!

According to relationship experts, men who are likely to ghost often exhibit certain telltale traits that reveal their tendency to disappear when things start to get real.

In this article, we’ll uncover seven of these traits, helping you recognize the red flags early and save yourself from the heartbreak of unanswered messages and broken expectations.

1) They keep things surface level

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about men who end up ghosting after the first date, it’s their knack for keeping the conversation light, breezy, and often, quite superficial.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about light-hearted banter. But when it comes to building a genuine connection, depth matters. It’s only by delving into meaningful topics that you get to know someone on a deeper level.

Men who intend to vanish without a trace tend to avoid getting too personal. They’re careful not to share too much about themselves or ask too many probing questions about you.

This is their way of maintaining emotional distance and avoiding any potential attachment. After all, it’s easier to disappear from someone’s life when there isn’t a deep emotional bond.

2) They’re overly charming

Now, this might sound surprising. After all, isn’t charm a good thing? Don’t we all want to be swept off our feet by a charismatic suitor?

Yes, and no. While there’s nothing wrong with a charming date, an over-the-top charm offensive can sometimes be a red flag.

Men who ghost often use charm as a smokescreen, dazzling you with their charisma so you don’t notice their lack of commitment or sincerity.

They might shower you with compliments, make grand gestures, and say all the right things – but it’s all surface-level.

This excessive charm can be disarming and even intoxicating. But remember, genuine connections are built on more than just charm. They require consistency, vulnerability, and respect.

3) They’re always available

This sounds counterintuitive, right? Surely, a man who’s always available to hang out is interested in pursuing a relationship.

But in my experience, this isn’t always the case.

Men who often ghost can be surprisingly available. They might always be up for a spontaneous hangout, responding immediately to your texts, or even suggesting multiple dates in a week.

But here’s the catch – this intense availability often lacks consistency.

It’s like a bright flame that burns out quickly. One moment they’re everywhere, the next they’re nowhere to be found.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into how this kind of push-and-pull dynamic can create an unhealthy attachment pattern.

A healthy relationship requires balance and consistency. So if your date is all over the place with their availability, it could be a sign of instability and potential ghosting down the line.

4) They avoid future planning

When dating, discussing future plans is a natural part of getting to know each other.

Whether it’s a conversation about a movie you both want to see next week or a casual mention of a trip you’re planning next month, these discussions are necessary to gauge compatibility and mutual interest levels.

However, men who ghost often dodge any talk of future plans. They’re all about the ‘here and now,’ avoiding commitment in any form, even if it’s as simple as planning a second date.

I remember once dating a man who was incredibly fun and spontaneous. However, he would expertly dodge any talk about the future. It was always about ‘living in the moment.’

Needless to say, he vanished after a few dates.

So, if your date is reluctant to discuss anything beyond the present day, consider it a potential red flag. It could indicate a lack of serious intent or fear of commitment.

5) They’re secretive about their personal life

In the early stages of dating, it’s natural to gradually open up and share more about your life. This sharing is part of building trust and forming a connection.

However, some men who ghost after the first date tend to be unusually secretive about their personal lives. They might steer clear of questions about their past relationships, family, or even their day-to-day life.

I once dated a guy who was extremely vague about his personal life. He would always divert the conversation when I asked him about his family or friends.

At first, I thought he was just private. But as time went on, I realized it was more about avoiding emotional intimacy.

Relationships require openness and honesty to progress and thrive. If your date seems overly secretive or evasive, it might be a sign that they’re not ready for a genuine connection. 

6) They make you feel special… too special

Being made to feel special is wonderful, but there’s a line between genuine admiration and excessive flattery.

Men who ghost often cross this line. They might:

• Shower you with compliments
• Make grandiose statements about your connection
• Express intense feelings prematurely

While it can be flattering, it often feels insincere and rushed.

A few years back, I met a man who would constantly tell me I was ‘the one’ after just a couple of dates.

It felt too good to be true – and it was. He disappeared without a word after a few weeks.

So, if your date is laying it on thick from the get-go, tread carefully. Real connections take time to build and require more than just sweet talk.

For more insights into the dating world and tips on navigating relationships, feel free to follow me on Facebook. I regularly share my latest articles there to help you make sense of the complex world of love and relationships.

7) They’re hot and cold

This is one of the most telling signs, yet it’s also one of the most confusing. Men who tend to ghost can be incredibly hot and cold with their feelings.

One minute they’re showering you with attention, the next they’re distant and unresponsive.

This can be an emotional roller coaster, leaving you feeling insecure and unsure about where you stand. It’s a manipulative tactic that keeps you on your toes, often making you work harder for their attention.

I won’t sugarcoat it – this behavior is not indicative of a healthy or respectful potential partner. No one should make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, unsure of their feelings or your own standing.

In Conclusion

Recognizing the traits of a potential “ghoster” before committing to a date can save you from unnecessary disappointment and heartache.

While it’s impossible to predict every outcome, paying attention to these key behaviors can help you avoid investing your time and emotions in someone who may not be ready for a genuine connection.

But remember, despite the challenges, it’s important to stay hopeful and open to love. As much as we wish to avoid the pain of unrequited feelings or unanswered texts, it’s through these experiences that we grow and learn more about ourselves and what we truly want in a partner.

As I often remind my readers, every failed date is a step closer to finding the right one. Take each experience as a lesson, not a failure.

To understand this better, here’s a video by Justin Brown that deeply resonates with this topic. He explores the complexities of finding a life partner, reflecting on his personal experience after a failed date and the lessons he learned that can help you navigate your own journey in finding a compatible partner.