Men who have a difficult time standing up for themselves usually had these 9 childhood experiences, according to psychology

The ability to assert oneself is often rooted in early life experiences.

Men who struggle to stand up for themselves may have encountered specific challenges during childhood that shaped their self-esteem and assertiveness.

According to psychology, certain formative experiences can influence how individuals respond to conflict and express their needs in adulthood.

In this article, we’ll explore nine childhood experiences that may contribute to a man’s difficulty in standing up for himself:

1) They were often belittled

Being belittled isn’t always as glaring as being publicly humiliated. It can often occur subtly and progressively as a child grows up.

When this happens, the child might not realize the depth of the damage until later in life when they struggle to assert themselves in various situations.

You might notice men who had such experiences often second-guessing themselves or overly worrying about what others think of them. Perhaps they always feel like they’re not good enough or are afraid of making mistakes.

In some cases, these men were constantly compared to siblings or peers, told they were incompetent, or made to feel insignificant. Their achievements may have been downplayed, while their failures were magnified.

Over time, such belittling experiences can lead to a lack of self-confidence and difficulty standing up for oneself in adulthood.

2) They were taught to suppress their emotions

In many societies, boys are often taught to suppress their emotions from a young age. They hear phrases like “boys don’t cry” or “man up,” and over time, these messages can have a profound impact.

Men who experienced this in childhood may find it challenging to assert themselves because they’ve internalized the message that expressing emotions or needs is a sign of weakness.

These men may struggle to communicate effectively, especially when it comes to expressing their feelings or standing up for their needs. They might avoid confrontation or tend to agree with others, even when they don’t genuinely agree.

This suppression of emotions can lead to difficulty in asserting oneself, as self-assertion requires an understanding and expression of one’s feelings and needs.

3) They were praised for compliance

While being obedient and compliant can be seen as positive qualities in children, an excessive focus on these traits can have unintended consequences.

Children who are consistently praised for being compliant may grow up believing that their worth is tied to pleasing others and avoiding conflict. They learn to prioritize others’ needs and desires over their own, often at their own expense.

As adults, these men may struggle to assert themselves because they fear disrupting the harmony or disappointing others. They may find it challenging to say ‘no’ or express their needs, continuing the pattern of prioritizing others over themselves.

This can lead to difficulties in standing up for themselves when necessary.

4) They experienced neglect

Neglect is a painful experience that leaves deep emotional scars, and it’s not always about not having food, clothing, or a roof over your head.

Sometimes neglect is about emotional absence – parents not being there when needed, not showing interest in their child’s life, or consistently ignoring their feelings and needs.

Boys who grow up feeling neglected may internalize the belief that their needs are unimportant or that they’re unworthy of attention and care. This can create deep-seated feelings of insecurity and unworthiness.

In adulthood, these feelings can manifest as a difficulty in standing up for oneself. These men may feel they don’t deserve to have their needs met or fear that asserting themselves will lead to further neglect or abandonment.

5) They lived in a high-conflict environment

A home filled with constant conflict and tension can be incredibly challenging for a child to navigate. Boys growing up in such environments may learn that asserting themselves leads to more conflict, so they choose to stay silent to maintain peace.

These boys might carry this learned behavior into adulthood, associating standing up for themselves with the possibility of escalating conflict or causing harm.

They may fear disagreement and avoid confrontation, often at the expense of their own needs and desires.

It’s crucial to remember that these men are not weak; they are simply using the coping mechanisms they learned in childhood. With understanding, patience, and support, they can learn healthier ways to assert their needs without fear of conflict.

6) They were punished for expressing their needs

Think back to a time when you expressed a need or desire, only to be met with punishment or ridicule. It’s a situation many of us can relate to, and it can leave lasting impressions.

Boys who were routinely punished for expressing their needs or desires may grow up believing it’s risky or unsafe to assert themselves.

They may fear rejection, ridicule, or punishment and choose to hold their needs and desires in check to avoid these negative outcomes.

As adults, they may struggle to assert themselves, often preferring to sacrifice their own needs in order to maintain peace or avoid potential backlash. It’s a coping mechanism that can be unlearned with time, patience, and the right support.

7) They were the peacemakers in the family

Every family has one – the peacemaker. The one who diffuses tensions, mediates arguments, and is always there to keep the peace. Often, this role is shouldered by a child, and more often than not, it’s a boy.

These boys grow up learning to negotiate and compromise for the sake of peace. They learn to put others’ needs before their own and to smooth out conflicts rather than assert their own desires or needs.

As adults, they might be fantastic at managing teams or calming tense situations. But when it comes to standing up for themselves, they may find it challenging as it goes against their ingrained habit of keeping the peace.

But hey, every peacemaker deserves to have their own needs met too, right? So here’s to learning new tricks!

8) They were overly sheltered

Parents naturally want to protect their children from harm and disappointment. But there’s a fine line between protection and overprotection, and crossing it can have unintended consequences.

Boys who are overly sheltered might grow up without the necessary skills to assert themselves.

They may have been so well taken care of that they never had to stand up for their needs or wants, leading them to struggle with self-assertion in adulthood.

The world is a tough place, and it’s essential to learn how to fight for oneself.

9) They were not given room for autonomy

Autonomy – the freedom to make one’s own decisions – is a crucial aspect of childhood that fosters self-confidence and the ability to assert oneself.

Boys who were not given room for autonomy, who were constantly told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, might grow up feeling uncertain about their ability to make decisions or stand up for themselves.

The confidence to assert oneself stems from the belief that your thoughts, feelings, and needs matter, and that you have the right to make decisions that affect your life.

If you were not given this chance in childhood, remember this: It’s never too late.

You are in control of your life now—your thoughts, feelings, and needs matter—and it’s absolutely okay to stand up for yourself!

In conclusion

If you identify with these childhood experiences or see them in someone you care about, remember that these experiences do not define who you are or who they are.

As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”

We can always grow and change, and our past experiences can serve as stepping stones to a stronger, more assertive future.

If you struggle to assert yourself, remember it’s not about blame but recognizing patterns from your past.

It’s never too late to change.

Difficulty standing up for yourself doesn’t signify weakness; it’s a behavior shaped by experiences that can be unlearned.

This article aims to highlight childhood experiences that may contribute to these challenges.

Identifying with these signs doesn’t mean you can’t assert yourself—it’s an opportunity for reflection.

Seeking help from a mental health professional can provide valuable tools to navigate these challenges.

You deserve to feel confident in expressing your needs and standing up for yourself!