7 subtle signs your friend sees you as an option, not a priority, says psychology

We all love the idea of having close-knit friends, don’t we?

Those who are with us through thick and thin, who prioritize us, just as we do them.

But, have you ever had that niggling feeling that a friend doesn’t value you as much as you do them?

It’s a tough spot to be in. But before you jump to conclusions, it’s important to know that it’s not always black and white.

According to psychology, there are subtle signs that can reveal if someone sees you as an option rather than a priority. And no, it’s not always about them canceling plans last minute or forgetting your birthday.

In this article, we delve into these signs. Not to sow seeds of doubt, but to help you better understand your relationships and where you truly stand.

So, ready to explore these under-the-radar signs? Let’s dive right in!

1) They’re always too busy

Ever heard the saying, “People make time for who they want to make time for”?

Well, psychology backs this up.

If your friend is consistently too busy to hang out, or even just have a quick chat, it might be a subtle sign that they see you more as an option than a priority.

Sure, we all have busy lives. But when someone truly values you, they’ll make an effort to fit you into their schedule, no matter how packed it may be.

Of course, we all have hectic periods. So don’t jump to conclusions based on one or two incidents. But if it’s a pattern, it may be time to reassess your friendship.

2) They only call when they need something

I’ve had my fair share of experiences with this one.

I remember a friend who would only reach out when she needed help with something. Whether it was asking for notes before an exam, or needing a ride somewhere, she was quick to dial my number.

But when it came to just catching up or spending casual time together, she was noticeably absent. It felt less like a friendship and more like a transaction.

Psychology tells us that this is a common sign that someone sees you as an option, not a priority.

If a friend tends to reach out only when they need something, it might indicate that they’re taking advantage of your willingness to help, rather than genuinely valuing your company.

Friendship is based on the principle of reciprocity — it’s about mutual give and take, not one-sided favors. 

So, if this rings a bell for you, it might be time to have an open conversation with your friend about how you feel.

3) They don’t include you in their plans

We all love spontaneous hangouts, but if you’re always the afterthought in your friend’s plans, it might be a sign that you’re not a priority.

When people plan events, trips or even simple outings, they usually include those who are important to them.

If you consistently find out about your friend’s plans through social media or mutual friends, instead of from them directly, it could indicate that you’re not high on their list.

The thing is that inclusivity is a major factor in determining the quality and depth of friendships.

So if you’re often left out, it could be time to reevaluate your relationship with this friend.

4) They’re not there during your tough times

Here’s an unwavering truth – life isn’t always a bed of roses. We all face difficult times, and it’s during these moments we really get to see who our true friends are.

Psychology suggests that if a friend is consistently absent when you’re going through a hard time, it’s a subtle indicator that you might not be a priority for them.

I’ve been there.

When my father fell ill, I was in a state of turmoil. It was like navigating through a foggy labyrinth. I needed my friends’ support more than ever.

Some were there, offering words of comfort and showing up with meals. But there were others who remained conspicuously silent, their absence echoing louder than any words could.

It hurt. It felt like I was an option they could discard when things got uncomfortable or inconvenient.

Friendship isn’t just about the good times. It’s about standing by each other when the going gets tough. Thus, if a friend is MIA during your challenging moments, it’s worth considering where you truly stand in their life.

5) They don’t celebrate your victories

We all love having our successes celebrated, don’t we?

It feels good to know that our friends are genuinely happy for us when we achieve something.

According to psychology, if a friend consistently fails to acknowledge or celebrate your victories, it might be a subtle sign they see you more as an option than a priority.

It’s not about grand gestures or lavish parties. A simple text saying, “Congrats! I’m so proud of you!” can mean the world.

But if they’re silent when you share your good news, or worse, downplay your achievements, it could be a red flag.

True friends celebrate each other’s successes and lift each other up.

6) They don’t share important news with you

One thing is for sure:

Communication is the lifeblood of any strong friendship. When we consider someone a priority, we naturally want to share our lives with them – the good, the bad, and everything in between.

When a friend consistently fails to share important news or updates with you, it can be a subtle sign that they view you more as an option than a priority.

Just think about it.

When something significant happens in our lives, our immediate instinct is to share it with those closest to us.

But if you’re often the last one to know about your friend’s important news – say, a new job or a break-up – that might indicate you’re not as high on their priority list as you’d hope.

After all, sharing is caring.

And if your friend isn’t sharing important parts of their life with you, it could be a sign that they’re not investing as much in the relationship as you are.

7) They don’t remember important details about you

We all have our moments of forgetfulness, right? But when it comes to our friends, we usually remember the important stuff – their birthdays, their favorite foods, or even the name of their first pet.

Well, if a friend frequently forgets significant details about you, it could be a subtle sign that they see you more as an option than a priority.

But before you feel disheartened, remember this – everyone slips up sometimes. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care about you.

Again, what’s important is the consistent pattern. If they always seem to forget important aspects of your life, it might indicate they’re not as invested in the friendship as you thought.

Take it easy on yourself.

It’s not a reflection of your worth, but rather their capacity for friendship at this time. You deserve friends who value and remember the details that make you, you.

Final thoughts: Value in reciprocity

Friendship is a two-way street that thrives on mutual respect, understanding, and effort.

The nuances of these relationships often lie in the subtle signs of our interactions.

If you notice these signs in your friendship, it’s essential to remember that everyone deserves to be treated as a priority, not an option.

Dr. Carl Rogers, a renowned psychologist, once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

This applies to friendships as well — there’s always room for growth and change.

If you find yourself in an unbalanced friendship, do not despair. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being and choose friends who genuinely value and respect you.

In the end, we should strive for friendships that are mutually beneficial – where both parties feel valued, respected, and loved.

After all, isn’t that what true friendship is all about?