7 surprising things the Bible can teach us about handling conflict

handling conflict

Conflict is something every one of us faces, whether it’s a misunderstanding at home or tension in a ministry group.

I’ve seen it happen in friendships, marriages, church committees—you name it. Yet, it’s easy to feel discouraged or overwhelmed when things get heated.

I’ve certainly been there myself: worrying about saying the wrong thing, afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, or feeling defensive when I sense I’m misunderstood.

Through years of studying the Bible and growing in my faith, I’ve discovered that Scripture offers surprisingly fresh ways to approach these trying moments.

Let’s walk through 7 key ideas that can guide us toward more peaceful resolutions.

1. Embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth

I used to think that conflict automatically meant failure, as if disagreements signaled a broken relationship.

Over time, I realized that healthy conflict can actually draw us closer to one another.

Consider James 1:19, which advises us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” This verse tells me that in moments of tension, I have a choice: to react rashly or to pause and show kindness.

When I’m intentional about listening first, I learn more about the other person—and often about myself.

Conflict can serve as a mirror, revealing where we might need more patience, empathy, or courage.

I remember a time in my early 20s when a misunderstanding with a close friend brought out my pride. Initially, I was upset, but that conflict made me dig into Scripture and seek God’s help to become more teachable.

Thankfully, my friend and I reconciled, but I wouldn’t have grown in humility if I had run from the issue.

2. Seek understanding before trying to be understood

I think of the words in Proverbs 18:2: “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.”

This verse has always challenged me. Whenever I’m in a disagreement, my knee-jerk reaction is to defend myself. I want the other person to know I’m right.

Yet, biblical wisdom nudges me to seek the other person’s perspective first.

I sometimes ask myself:

  • Am I truly listening, or am I just waiting for my turn to respond?
  • Have I prayed for insight into how the other person feels?
  • What if I tried to restate their concerns in my own words before I jumped in with my thoughts?

When I approach conflict this way, many misunderstandings get cleared up early.

Even if we don’t end up agreeing, we’re less likely to walk away feeling disrespected. Seeking understanding honors the other person, and it often breaks down walls of defensiveness.

3. Balance truth with grace

Jesus consistently showed us how truth and grace can coexist.

He never compromised on what was right, but He also never refused compassion to anyone.

Sometimes, when I’m in a conflict, I’ll lean too heavily in one direction—either becoming so focused on “winning” that I forget kindness, or staying so polite that I avoid bringing up necessary truths.

A passage that helps me with this is Ephesians 4:15, which talks about “speaking the truth in love.”

Speaking truth doesn’t mean being harsh or self-righteous. It means I’m willing to be honest but in a way that’s guided by love.

That kind of honesty can feel uncomfortable, but it usually deepens trust. People can sense whether I’m speaking out of a desire to help or out of a desire to be proved right.

4. Practice humble self-reflection

During a heated moment, the easiest thing is to point fingers. I’ve fallen into that pattern many times.

Yet, the Bible often calls us to examine our own hearts before we address someone else’s faults.

Matthew 7:3 reminds us to remove the plank from our own eye before dealing with the speck in our brother’s.

For me, self-reflection involves pausing and asking: “What role did I play here?”

Sometimes I discover that my impatience or tone set the stage for tension. Other times, I might find that I’ve been unwilling to forgive a small grievance, allowing bitterness to fester.

Humility never comes naturally, but the Holy Spirit is faithful in helping us recognize where we can grow.

I recall once sharing this concept in a Bible study, and the women in my group were relieved that they didn’t have to feel guilty for having conflict.

Instead, they realized they could invite God into the process of transforming their hearts first, rather than focusing solely on what others did wrong.

5. Pray for God’s guidance and wisdom

In the heat of conflict, it’s so tempting to rely on my own instincts.

Yet, I’m reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6, which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

These words encourage me to bring God into every quarrel or disagreement. When I pray, I’m acknowledging that I don’t have all the answers and that I need divine guidance.

Sometimes that might look like a short, silent prayer in my head: “Lord, give me wisdom right now.” Other times, it’s a more extended prayer time before I continue a challenging conversation.

Either way, I notice that taking that moment to connect with God calms my nerves and grounds me in compassion.

A mentor once told me, “Prayer aligns our motives with God’s purpose,” and I’ve found that incredibly true, especially in conflict situations.

6. Pursue forgiveness wholeheartedly

One of my favorite verses on forgiveness is Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

This verse always humbles me. When I remember that I’ve been forgiven a great debt, I’m more willing to extend grace to someone else. B

ut forgiveness isn’t always easy.

I’ve had moments when I held a grudge, and it felt like a heavy stone weighing me down.

Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean there are no consequences or that the relationship picks up exactly where it left off. It means I’m releasing my right to get even and trusting God’s justice more than my own.

Sometimes healing a relationship might require time, counseling, or tough conversations. Still, the choice to forgive is an act of obedience and faith—trusting that God’s love can redeem even the most painful conflicts.

7. Remember God can redeem painful moments

I often turn to Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Conflict falls under that umbrella of “all things.”

Even the ugliest dispute can be used by God to shape our character, strengthen our relationships, or deepen our reliance on Him.

I’ve seen it in my marriage of over twenty years to Daniel, my husband. We’ve definitely had our moments of disagreement—especially during those early years when we were still learning each other’s communication styles.

But as we stayed committed to prayer, forgiveness, and genuine listening, many of our arguments ended up bringing greater understanding. We came out on the other side feeling closer because we’d learned how to love each other better.

You might have read my post on overcoming bitterness, where I shared about letting go of resentments in marriage. That journey taught me that conflict can be a way God refines us, rather than a dead-end for our relationships.

 

Closing thoughts

Handling conflict biblically doesn’t come naturally, but the Holy Spirit empowers us with love, patience, and courage to honor God in every conversation.

The Bible invites us to grow from these tough encounters, to learn about ourselves and others, and to trust that God is present, even when tensions rise.

Here are a few final suggestions I reflect on after a disagreement:

  • Pause and pray: Seek God’s guidance before you speak again.
  • Check your heart: Ask if there’s a motive you need to surrender to God.
  • Take practical steps toward reconciliation: A genuine apology or a coffee meet-up to clear the air can go a long way.
  • Stay hopeful: Remember that God can turn even painful situations into stories of grace.

As believers, we don’t shy away from conflict—we invite Christ into it. Sometimes we’ll resolve things quickly, other times it might take a longer journey of healing. However, each situation can draw us closer to Him and to one another.

God can use every conflict to shape your heart and strengthen your relationships.

What would Jesus say?

Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?

Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.

We brought Jesus back to life with the help of AI. Ask your toughest life questions, and Jesus will tell you exactly what to do.

Check it out here.

 

Elizabeth Carter

Elizabeth Carter

I'm Elizabeth Carter, the heart behind Biblescripture.net. I’m a theology graduate from Boston College who found her calling in making the Bible's wisdom vibrant and accessible. Alongside my studies, I cultivated a love for peaceful morning walks and deep conversations about faith over coffee. Every day, I'm here to walk with you through scripture, making its teachings not just accessible, but a vibrant part of your daily life. Join me in discovering how these ancient words can transform us in the most beautiful ways.

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