People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often display these 7 specific behaviors

We all know someone who seems friendly at first, but after a while, you start to feel something else at play. Their niceness might start to feel a bit too calculated, their compliments a touch too strategic.

That’s because they could be hiding a more manipulative side beneath their friendly exterior.

These individuals have a knack for making you feel like you’re the one in control, even when they’re pulling the strings from behind the scenes. It’s a subtle art form, and one that can be hard to spot.

This article will help you identify the seven telltale behaviors of those who are charming on the surface, but manipulative underneath.

1) Excessive flattery

We all enjoy a nice compliment here and there, but there’s a line between sincere praise and manipulative flattery.

People who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often use excessive flattery as a tool to get what they want. They shower you with compliments, making you feel good about yourself. This is a clever way to lower your guard and make you more susceptible to their manipulation.

The problem is, this flattery often feels forced or out of place. It’s not genuine appreciation but strategic praise, designed to get you to think highly of them or agree with their viewpoints.

Recognizing this behavior is the first step in dealing with manipulative individuals. Remember – compliments are nice, but only when they’re sincere.

2) Twisting the truth

Once, I had a friend who had this uncanny knack for warping reality. She’d take a situation, twist the facts just a little, and suddenly, everything would be in her favor.

This is a common tactic used by people who are seemingly friendly but manipulative deep down. They’re masters at bending the truth to suit their needs. It’s not outright lying, but it’s not complete honesty either. It’s somewhere in between – a gray area that allows them to control situations and people subtly.

In my case, I started noticing this behavior when my friend would relay conversations we’d had with others. Her version would always place her in a better light or make her the victim.

It took me a while to catch on, but once I did, I realized it was a manipulative behavior hidden beneath her friendly demeanor. Being aware of such tactics is key to avoiding their manipulative traps.

3) Playing the victim

Manipulative individuals often use the ‘woe is me’ tactic to gain sympathy and control others. They always have a sob story ready and are experts at playing the victim, making it difficult for others to challenge or confront them.

Why does this work? There’s a psychological phenomenon known as the “just-world hypothesis”, where people tend to believe that the world is fair and people get what they deserve. So when someone presents themselves as a victim, our instinct is to help them, not suspect them of manipulation.

But in reality, this ‘victim’ is often the puppet master, using their tales of misfortune to manipulate others into doing their bidding. Recognizing this behavior can help you maintain control and avoid falling into their emotional traps.

4) Guilt tripping

Manipulative people are experts at making you feel guilty for things that aren’t really your fault. They have a way of turning situations around to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong, even when you haven’t.

This technique is incredibly effective because guilt is a powerful emotion. We naturally want to correct our wrongs and make amends, which manipulative people exploit to get what they want.

If you find that someone consistently makes you feel guilty, even for minor things, it’s a strong sign they might be manipulating you. Real friends and colleagues should encourage and support you, not make you feel guilty unnecessarily.

5) Maintaining control in conversations

I once had a coworker who always dominated conversations. Whether it was about work or personal life, he would subtly guide the conversation in whatever direction he wanted, leaving little room for others to steer the discussion.

This is a common tactic among people who are manipulative. They are adept at controlling conversations, often shifting the focus to themselves or steering it towards a topic that serves their agenda.

They may interrupt you, change the subject frequently, or use diversion tactics to avoid certain topics. This behavior can make you feel unheard and invalidated.

In my case, it took some time to realize what was happening and even longer to find ways to assert myself in our conversations. Understanding this behavior is crucial to keep your voice from being drowned out by a manipulator’s agenda.

6) They never take the blame

A manipulative person rarely, if ever, takes responsibility for their actions. When something goes wrong, they’re quick to point fingers and place the blame on others.

This behavior is an attempt to protect their image and keep the upper hand. By shifting the blame onto others, they avoid criticism and continue to present themselves as flawless.

If you notice someone always seems to escape responsibility and is quick to blame others when things go south, you might be dealing with a manipulator. Healthy relationships involve accountability, and it’s important to recognize when someone is avoiding it.

7) They use your secrets against you

The most manipulative people are those who take your vulnerabilities and use them as ammunition. If you’ve confided in them or shared something personal, they might use this information to their advantage when they need to control or influence you.

It’s a deeply hurtful and betraying act, one that breaks the trust you’ve placed in them. It’s crucial to be aware of this behavior and protect your personal boundaries. Trust should be respected, not exploited.

Final thoughts: It’s about respect

At the root of all manipulative behavior lies a lack of respect for others’ autonomy and feelings. Manipulative individuals prioritize their needs above others’, often using cunning and deceitful tactics to achieve their ends.

Understanding these behaviors is our first line of defense against manipulation. Once we’re aware, we can stand our ground, assert our boundaries, and protect our emotional wellbeing.

However, it’s also crucial to remember that everyone has the capacity for change. While it’s important to guard ourselves against manipulation, it’s equally important to foster empathy and understanding.

After all, at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to navigate this complex web of human interactions. By promoting respect and open communication, we can hope to tip the balance away from manipulation and towards genuine connection.