People who are polite but not genuinely kind usually display these 7 subtle habits

We’ve all come across them in our lives: those people who are the epitome of politeness, yet something seems off.

They smile, they nod, they say all the right things. But somehow, you can’t shake the feeling that their kindness doesn’t quite reach their eyes.

Have you ever wondered why that is?

It could very well be because their politeness is just a veneer. A well-practiced act that masks a lack of genuine kindness.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that all polite people are insincere. Far from it! But there’s a distinct difference between those who are truly kind and those who merely play the part.

But how can you tell them apart?

It’s all in the subtle habits they display.

So, if you’re curious to find out what these subtle habits are, stick around as we delve into the nuanced world of politeness and genuine kindness.

1) They tend to be overly agreeable

Ever noticed how some people seem to agree with everything you say? It’s as if they’re your personal cheerleader, always on your side, always nodding in agreement.

Sounds perfect, right?

Well, not quite.

People who are polite but not genuinely kind often use agreement as a means to an end.

It’s a strategy, a way to avoid conflict and keep the peace. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting harmony, this pattern can indicate a lack of sincerity.

Genuine kindness, on the other hand, involves empathy and understanding.

It’s about respecting others’ opinions, even when they differ from our own. It doesn’t mean always agreeing but rather being open to discussion and even disagreement.

2) They rarely show vulnerability

You know, I’ve always been a firm believer in the power of vulnerability. It’s in those raw, real moments that we truly connect with others.

I can actually recommend a great TED Talk by the well-known researcher Brené Brown, where she explains the power of vulnerability and how embracing it can lead to deeper connections, personal growth, and courage in the face of uncertainty.

In my own life, I remember a friend who was always polite, always composed.

She was like a porcelain doll – perfect, but somehow distant. I never saw her let her guard down or share anything that made her seem less than perfect.

Over time, I realized that her politeness was a shield, a way to keep people at arm’s length. She was not unkind, but the genuine warmth and connection were missing.

There was never an exchange of personal stories or shared experiences that fostered a deeper connection.

True kindness, in my opinion, comes from a place of vulnerability and authenticity.

It’s about being brave enough to show our imperfections and embrace others despite theirs.

3) Their actions don’t always match their words

Now, let’s talk about actions. They say actions speak louder than words, and I think there’s a lot of truth to that.

I once knew a guy who was the epitome of politeness.

He’d shower people with compliments, make grand promises, and always say the right things. But when it came to actually following through, he was nowhere to be found.

He’d promise to help you move on Saturday, but come Saturday, he’d conveniently forget. He’d praise your new recipe at a potluck but never actually try it. The inconsistencies were subtle but consistent.

People who are truly kind don’t just talk the talk. They walk the walk. Their actions align with their words, and they follow through on their commitments.

They’re reliable, trustworthy, and their kindness is not just surface-level politeness.

4) They’re quick to take, but slow to give

We’ve all come across those individuals who are more than happy to accept favors, but hesitate when it’s their turn to lend a helping hand.

Remember that friend who always needs a ride but never offers one? Or that coworker who borrows your stuff but never lends you theirs?

Politeness can often mask this imbalance. They’ll thank you profusely, maybe even throw in a compliment or two.

But when the tables are turned, they’re suddenly busy, or they’ve conveniently forgotten your previous kindness.

Genuine kindness, however, is about reciprocity. It’s a two-way street.

People who are genuinely kind understand the importance of give and take. They appreciate the favors done for them and are just as eager to return them.

5) They’re seldom happy for others’ success

Here’s something fascinating: an article on Psychology Today explains the concept of ‘mudita,’ or sympathetic joy—finding genuine happiness in others’ successes.

It highlights how embracing this mindset can help overcome feelings of jealousy while fostering emotional well-being and more fulfilling relationships.

That’s a fancy term for feeling genuinely happy when good things happen to others. It’s like second-hand happiness.

Now, think back to those polite individuals in your life. How do they react when you share your accomplishments or good news?

Do they genuinely share in your joy, or do they offer a polite congratulations and quickly change the subject?

People who are polite but not genuinely kind might struggle with this concept of mudita.

They can congratulate you on your promotion, but their smile doesn’t quite reach their eyes. They might even try to one-up your good news with a story of their own.

On the other hand, someone who is genuinely kind will celebrate with you. They’ll be happy because you’re happy. Your success doesn’t threaten them; instead, it brings them joy.

6) They lack empathy in difficult times

Life has its ups and downs. We all face challenges and setbacks that test our resilience. It’s during these times that we need the support and understanding of those around us.

I’m sure you can think of a time when you were going through a rough patch, and someone offered you a polite “I’m sorry to hear that,” but their response felt mechanical, devoid of genuine empathy.

Polite people can express sympathy, but it often lacks depth. They’ll offer a standard condolence or a well-rehearsed platitude, but it feels more like they’re following societal norms than truly empathizing with your situation.

In contrast, genuinely kind people have the ability to put themselves in your shoes.

They listen, they understand, they offer comfort in a way that feels real and heartfelt. Their kindness shines through during these trying times, making you feel heard and supported.

7) They use politeness as a manipulation tool

This, perhaps, is the most significant distinction. People who are polite but not genuinely kind often use their charm and manners as a tool for manipulation.

They’ll shower you with compliments, make you feel special, all while subtly steering things in their direction. They know how to play the game, and they play it well.

Genuine kindness, however, is never manipulative. It’s honest, straightforward, and comes from a place of love and respect. It doesn’t have hidden agendas or ulterior motives.

Final thoughts

If you’ve been nodding along as you read these points, perhaps you’ve encountered people who are polite but not genuinely kind in your life.

Recognizing these traits it’s about understanding human behavior better and setting boundaries for healthier relationships. It’s about discerning between surface-level politeness and deeper, genuine kindness.

And if you’ve recognized some of these behaviors in yourself, don’t be too hard on yourself. We’re all works in progress.

The first step to growth is awareness, and by acknowledging these patterns, you’re already on the path to becoming a more authentic version of yourself.