People who are unhappy with life but never talk about it usually display these 7 behaviors, according to psychology

For a long time, I grappled with understanding the silent suffering some people endure.

You know what I mean: the quiet ones, those who keep to themselves, never complaining, or never sharing their struggles.

A few years back, I found myself in a similar situation. I was unhappy but kept my feelings bottled up. I didn’t talk about it, not even to my closest friends.

During that period, I realized that my behavior was changing subtly. I was exhibiting certain patterns that weren’t typical for me.

That’s when it hit me: there are specific behaviors that silently scream “unhappiness”, even if the person never utters a word about it.

In this article, I’ll be revealing these 7 tell-tale behaviors as per psychology. 

Let’s get to it.

1) They are masters of the art of distraction

We all have our own ways of dealing with life’s ups and downs. Some people talk about their problems, some journal, while others bottle up their feelings.

For those who are unhappy but never talk about it, one typical behavior is an uncanny knack for distraction.

Back when I was going through my silent phase of unhappiness, I found myself subconsciously diverting my attention from the pain I felt inside. I became a master at drowning out my feelings with work, TV shows, books – anything that could keep my mind occupied.

It was as if I was running away from my problems, hoping they would somehow disappear if I just ignored them long enough.

According to psychology, this is a common behavior among individuals who are unhappy but don’t express it. They immerse themselves in distractions to avoid confronting their unhappiness.

If you notice that someone in your life is always busy, always on the go, and never has time to sit quietly with their thoughts, they might be using distraction as a coping mechanism for their inner turmoil.

2) They often wear a ‘happy mask’

It’s funny how we humans are capable of hiding our true feelings behind a mask.

During my silent struggle with unhappiness, I found myself putting on a ‘happy mask’. I was constantly pretending to be okay, to be happy, even when I was crumbling inside.

I remember attending social events, laughing at jokes, and making small talk while my mind screamed for solitude. It was exhausting.

This behavior is quite common among those suffering in silence. Psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

In my case, wearing the ‘happy mask’ was a way of looking outside, dreaming that everything was fine, instead of looking inside and confronting my unhappiness.

It was a way of coping with inner struggles while maintaining an outward appearance of normalcy.

Remember, it’s okay to let down your guard and share your feelings with trusted loved ones. It’s the first step towards healing.

3) They tend to isolate themselves

I’ve always been a people person, but during my silent bout of unhappiness, I found myself withdrawing from social interaction.

I started turning down invitations to hang out with friends. I found excuses to avoid family gatherings. I even stopped going to my favorite coffee shop, just to avoid the casual chit-chat with the barista.

At the time, I didn’t realize that this self-imposed isolation was a sign of my silent struggle with unhappiness. It was a way for me to avoid facing my feelings, or having to put on that ‘happy mask’.

Psychology tells us that those who are unhappy but never talk about it often isolate themselves from others. They might fear judgment or simply find it too exhausting to pretend everything is alright.

Now if you notice someone in your life suddenly pulling away from social activities they once enjoyed, it could be a sign that they’re battling silent unhappiness.

4) They might overcompensate by being overly helpful

During my silent struggle, I developed an unusual behavior: I became overly helpful. I was always there for others, always ready to lend a hand, even when it was at the expense of my own well-being.

I remember once driving across town in the middle of the night to help a friend with a flat tire, even though I had an important presentation the next morning. I was exhausted, but the idea of saying ‘no’ filled me with guilt.

This overcompensation wasn’t just about being nice; it was a way for me to distract myself from my own problems and to feel valued.

A study conducted by the University of Buffalo found that people who help others may be better equipped to deal with their own stress and improve their well-being.

However, when this act is driven by feelings of unworthiness or guilt, it may indicate a deeper struggle with silent unhappiness.

Noticing someone who always go out of their way to help others, even when it’s detrimental to their own needs, they might be silently battling unhappiness. It’s important to remind them that it’s okay to prioritize their own needs sometimes.

5) They display changes in sleep patterns

One of the most significant changes I experienced during my silent struggle was with my sleep patterns. I would either sleep too much or hardly sleep at all.

At times, I found myself lying awake at night, my mind filled with swirling thoughts that I couldn’t switch off. Other times, I would sleep for long hours, using it as an escape from my feelings of unhappiness.

Changes in sleep patterns are a common sign of silent unhappiness according to psychology. Not being able to sleep can be due to anxiety or stress, while sleeping too much can be a way of escaping reality.

A sudden change in someone’s sleeping habits might be a sign that they’re dealing with silent unhappiness.

6) They have a tendency to self-criticize

I’ve always been my own worst critic, but during my silent struggle with unhappiness, this tendency amplified.

I remember constantly berating myself over the smallest mistakes, whether it was missing a deadline at work or forgetting a friend’s birthday. This persistent self-criticism was a reflection of the unhappiness I was feeling inside.

Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff suggests that self-criticism can lead to increased levels of stress and decreased levels of self-esteem. She said, “When we fail, it’s not enough to say ‘I failed.’ For many of us there’s a voice inside that says, ‘Yes, and you’re also a bad person for failing.'”

Those who are silently unhappy often engage in excessive self-criticism. It’s like they’re punishing themselves for their perceived inadequacies.

7) They often have a sharp sense of humor

This one might seem counterintuitive, but during my silent struggle with unhappiness, I developed a sharp, somewhat dark sense of humor.

I found solace in making others laugh, even when I was feeling low. It was as if seeing others happy helped me forget my own unhappiness for a while.

Psychology tells us that humor can be a coping mechanism for dealing with pain and stress. Those who are silently unhappy may use humor to mask their true feelings and avoid showing their vulnerability.

So, if you notice someone always ready with a quick joke or witty remark, they might be using humor to cope with their silent struggle.

While it’s good to share a laugh, it’s also important to create a safe space for them to express their true feelings. Try engaging them in deeper conversations and assure them that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.

Conclusion

Recognizing silent unhappiness can be challenging, especially when the person is doing their best to hide it. However, understanding these behaviors can provide valuable insights into their emotional state.

Remember, if you identify these signs in someone you know, approach them with empathy and kindness. Let them know that you’re there for them, ready to listen without judgment.

And if you recognize these signs in yourself, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Speaking about your feelings is not a sign of weakness; it’s a step towards healing.

As they say, it’s okay to not be okay. Take one day at a time and remember to be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s more than enough.